Sorry you are feeling sad and teary....you are allowed some of this, but I would find something to do just for you. Your daughter will be off to college next year, so you need to think about something to do that makes YOU happy. Don't know what kind of thing you enjoy, but think about it now and prepare yourself for that empty nest.
Your life doesn't need to be sad just because your difficult child is pulling stupid stunts.....take some dancing lessons!!!! Well, you get the idea?
We all have those pity pot days. We are all allowed them now and again. If we don't have an occasional sad day, and an occasional mad day, I think we run the risk of collecting too much steam. We need a release.
Of course you know Whymemom is right, you need to do something for you, but take some time to grieve first.
Sending as much strength and comfort as I can muster up.
Traci, everyone has *poor me* days occasionally. The trick is to force yourself not to wallow in it. I read somewhere that it helps to give yourself parameters. In other words, tell yourself, "Okay Self, you can have a good cry today but tomorrow you need to work on your to-do list." And then stick with it and force yourself to work with your horse tomorrow, or clean the toilets, or take a shower and curl your hair. You get my drift.
Awhile back I took ballet lessons. It was something I wanted to do for ME. I was a disaster at it but I loved it at the same time.
Try something completely different to distract you.
I'm sorry you are in pain. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
It's okay to be sad. Afterall, you have watched your baby do all the things you know he shouldn't do, and it breaks your heart. We all get down every now and then. It's hard not to. But, you know that tomorrow will bring a better day. Try to concentrate on the good in your life. A big hug and a shoulder to lean on.
Sorry things are so bad right now. Everyone is right though. You had your pity day and you deserve that once in awhile, but now you need to get out of bed and do something for yourself. Your staying in bed is not making him any better. I know I don't have to tell you that. You have learned all this already. Get out there and work with that colt. I guarantee you will feel better afterwards.
I think we numb out to function. Once there really is nothing more we can do for the child, once there is no one else to protect, the intensity of the feelings comes back.
I think we need time to process what has happened to our children, and that we only allow ourselves as big a dose of pain as we can take and still function. For me, long after I should have been adjusted to everything, I kept having those days.
That's why I always post that it is the feelings that are the enemy.
There may come a time when you will need to do that, too.
Suz' suggestion about the ballet class was excellent. Putting ourselves outside our comfort zones and our usual circles of friends is traumatic enough to counter the feelings and help us remember what it felt like to win at something, or to hope for something.
I'm sorry you feel badly right now, Traci.
These feelings are the enemy.
While grief is appropriate after what has happened, don't lose sight of yourself as you go through this part.
Kubler-Ross Seven Stages of Grief: Anger Denial Bargaining Depression Acceptance...does anyone remember what the other two stages are?
And the correct order?
It helped me to mark my place in the cycle of grief, and to understand that I would go through it again and again.
Cherish your life, Traci.
One day, I woke up and realized I had spent something like fifteen years running away from admitting what had happened, and what it meant.
I think it is grief stuck that you have to get out. my older son moved out june 29 and I still cannot swallow if I think of him. I cannot go in his room. I am mourning the end of my family here. I know it is something I have to go thru.
do what you have to in making yourself feel better. talk to a friend, have ice cream, watch a fav movie, take a walk and lie on the grass, watch the clouds for a while.
hugs to you. we never knew having kids would be so sad at times. to think I was mostly worried about having to change dirty diapers before I had kids!!
I have guilt bundled up in the time I spent with the horses in the past ~ You know, "The old if only I had done this instead of that maybe he would of done this instead.."
Last night I read an article written by a mom that lost her daughter in a car accident, she was thanking someone else for letting her know it was okay to continue with her passion of barrel racing and she shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying herself after losing her daughter. ~ This really hit home with me!
Our district director( barrel racing ) just showed up at my shop today to let me know I was missed and invited me to bring the horses to her arena and ride sometime.
I made it home to ride, only an hour before it got dark, but I made it!
I also called the po. I couldn't let it go.
She said they would just issue a pick-up order but they wouldn't look for him, they will wait for him to mess up somewhere.
Thank you all for your responses, I was just awful yesterday.
Feelings are the enemy, even happy feelings. It's like a little lady on your shoulder saying "shame on you! how can you be happy at a time like this?"
Reading the posts from you all was like getting a big hug! Thank you all I sure needed it.