Scared and feeling alone

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HaoZi, Jan 17, 2013.

  1. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    It hit me this morning - really hit me. Storm is likely one of those kids at high risk for impulsive suicide. She has zip self-esteem, acts rashly and often violently, takes things very personally. My sis and I were both cutters as teens (sis didn't know until I found out about her, I'm ten years older and we weren't raised together, didn't meet until I was 21). I'm a wreck, and I don't know how to help Storm. It's not a subject I can approach with her, last thing she needs is ideas in her head and she's already been one round of self-harming behavior thanks to Respirdal. She brushes off compliments and refuses to see the good in herself - she's smart, creative, witty, humorous, and pretty. But as soon as one person criticizes one little thing, that eats her alive and all she sees is the negative and feels worthless.

    I'm sure her father leaving and having nothing to do with her doesn't help. I'm not great at making up the difference and get frustrated with her easily and that doesn't help, either. I'm at a loss and it's tearing me up inside. The teen years are coming and they aren't going to be kind to her.
  2. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    H....going with your thinking...if you think she might act impulsively towards suicide, how are you thinking she might do so? I know it sounds strange to ask such a question but in doing so it helps you think ahead of how you may be able to help her, or prevent it if possible. If she's not in therapy and you can get her there, do so now. Maybe it will help her process all this.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    She goes to therapy every week, and it's today. I'm going to talk to her therapist about what I'm seeing and my fears today. She seemed on a more even keel when she got home from school, but that comes and goes so fast with her. :S
  4. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    ((hugs))...I have no experience but want to offer my support
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Definitely keep her in therapy.
    As for suicide, most therapists ask, "Do you have a plan? How would you do it?" and if the person says no, I just want to get away from it all, it helps a bit.

    Long term, I would definitely set up some sessions for her to work through her thoughts about her father. So sad.
  6. IT1967

    IT1967 Member

    My difficult child 1 sounds alot like Storm. She's 10, and while I haven't seen my daughter exhibit behavior that worries me that she'd attempt suicide, I do worry so much about her future and what these teen years are going to be like. I'm probably no help because I'm constantly worried about what is going to happen down the road just like you. The best we can do is focus on the now and trying to get our kids as stable as we can. I'm not there yet, but I'm praying things are going to even out. I hope the same for you.
  7. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    I agree that she should stay in therapy and your own might not be a bad idea. I am sorry you are having to deal with this and yes, it is a real fear. You are NOT alone. I have one that I fear he'll become suicidal some day and I won't know until it's too late. We used to be able to talk about anything but he's been shutting me out lately and he's always been the very sensitive type.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you. Glad you are keeping therapist apprised of these things.
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lots of gentle hugs, I have no experience either, but wanted you to know I read your post and I'm sorry you're going through this.
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Thanks all. therapist thinks we should look for some art group or something to get her involved in but there doesn't seem to be anything like that locally. We'll keep looking for something for her. Sports aren't her thing, but some type of group where she feels her involvement is worthy and ups her self-esteem is supposed to help lower her risk factor. I'm just scared she'll do something rash in a moment of temper, it's her pattern, Know what I mean??

    She's not cutting, but I think she's at high risk for doing that at some point, too. That's the good part about the fact that she doesn't wash her own hair yet - I'd notice if she was cutting and trying to hide it.
  10. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    HaoZi, my difficult child is a "cutter", and it is in no way an attempt to kill herself. It is just a horrid coping skill. She has had 2 "episodes" of it since the 7th grade. It is a scary thing to see you child do that to themselves. But, at least for my difficult child, it is not about hurting herself, it is about a release.

    Also, I am not sure where you live, but have you looked in equine therapy? It is a great way for kids to feel good about themselves, and is an amazing stress reliever. I will say riding as been such a gift to difficult child. I can see her visibly calm while we are there. It is something to consider.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    It sure hoovers to realize this kind of thing about your child. About anyone, really, but especially about your child.

    PLEASE talk to her therapist about this. Also talk to her psychiatrist about it. While she may have an increased risk, surely the therapist and psychiatrist can guide you to ways to help prevent this. Educate yourself on the signs that someone is considering suicide, on suicide prevention, and if the time is right, make sure that she knows she can talk to you or call a therapist or a suicide prevention hotline. One BIG thing that can help is staying on the right medications. Start working NOW to help her accept that medications will be part of her life. Going off medications is a major contributor to many cases of suicide, at least from what I know.

    I am sorry your heart is hurting so, and that you child has this increased risk. Keep an eye out for ways to help use her difficult child stubbornness to help her become determined to not try this. Sometimes their very gfgness is very helpful in preventing things.
  12. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry.

    Do speak with her therapist and psychiatrist about this. Hopefully they will be able to help her build up other coping mechanisms than self-harm before she grows to the critical age. Other than that I don't have any advice just lots of sympathy.

    It's about two years now from the day I and my husband were sitting in the addiction psychiatrist's office and were told that our son is in the high risk for suicide in future based on his issues and personality. He wasn't suicidal, but risk factors were there. We got lucky and he has been ready to work hard with building better coping mechanisms and at the moment it seems that risk is getting smaller all the time. I'm not paralysed by fear of this any more, but every time he is having really hard time, I can't help but worry a little. For him it would likely not be any thought out, long time considered solution. It would be impulsive thing while being unhappy and maybe drunk. That also means there would not be any real warning signs. Knowing that is a hard thing to live with.
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    She tends to do rash and often violent things in her rages. If she turns that on herself, it puts her at high risk for both cutting and impulsive suicide. Her extremely low self-esteem just adds to her risk factor, Know what I mean?? No matter how much I tell her good things about herself, it's in one ear and out the other, all that sticks with her are the bad things she hears (or thinks are about her, she takes EVERYTHING personally), and it just festers with her. Eats at her for days until she suddenly lashes out and until she calms down you have no idea what provoked her. Sometimes she still can't really verbalize what the problem is.

    And yes, I've discussed it with her therapist that this is something that concerns me and we need to find ways to head this off.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was wondering too...this has made the most difference to Q' s self concept. actually mine too. the ranch I go to we get to be Occupational Therapist (OT) with the houses and volunteering. just handling a big animal like that is something magical. here, insurance won't cover riding therapy but they do cover off the house equine therapy with a therapist.
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Not to sound trivial, but... maybe you need a dog.
    (you don't because of alleries, if I remember, but... just ask Buddy what a therapeutic-minded pup can accomplish)
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    poo..allergies? bummer......several lower allergy dogs out there if the family is not ultra sensitive.......
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Apartment living, we're allowed one furbaby under 20lbs, and we already have a cat. I don't think there's anywhere near us that does equine therapy even if her insurance would cover it. There's not much available where we are, and insurance (even her medicaid) is pretty basic on what they're willing to cover. She's on the autism wavier waiting list, but that's years long. Her therapist is going to check around and see what's available locally (I can't afford to drive all over) that she might interested in that can help and will consult with Storm's case manager to see what they can come up with.
  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    if it's covered by Medicaid you should get am mileage reimbursement form....they don't tell us that here..... I found out from a parent and called to get it. for the waiver here, parents can never be reimbursed. but after 18 we can....sigh, so many rules. my mom gets.mileage when she drives him though.

    hope they find something for her! you deserve the support!