Good evening all. I will be going to visit my difficult child tomorrow at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I am absolutely terrified. The last visit (2 weeks ago) was devastating for me. She was in a rage begging me to take her home. She looked horrible, as she began cutting herself the week prior. (never did that before) She picked at her face so badly that she looked like she had been beaten up!!! Here's the worst part: At that visit she revealed to me, while on an awol from her last Residential Treatment Center (RTC), about a year ago, something "bad" happened to her. Her therapist told me she thinks my poor baby girl was raped!!!!!!!!!! I managed to avoid the details for the last 2 weeks, however now my daughter wants to talk with me about it. I cannot handle knowing, I am so afraid. As her mom, of course I must listen and console her, but God forgive me, I just do not want to know what happened to her. How can I possibly live with the knowledge that someone violated my beautiful baby. She wants to open up to me and I am terrified!!! What a coward. But how can I bear that? How can I know? I will replay that scenario over and over in my mind. I can't even believe this is happening, I can't believe this is my life!!!!! This was not supposed to happen, we have a nice home and she has lots of love and support. It was always my theory that kids who run away and end up on the street are actually running from something, abuse, neglect, unbearable home lives. That is so not the case here. I am so mad at her for putting herself in a dangerous situation. I have been counting down the minutes, I just don't want tomorrow to come. Oh God help me, help her. My heart hurts, my soul feels dead. My poor baby girl!!!! My stomach has been in knots, I feel like I'm going to be sick. I'm shaking constantly. Why would God let this happen? I'm so so so angry, I'm seething with hatred for who ever hurt my baby!!!! I'm so upset with her for leaving that week, why didn't she just come home, call me, something!!!!! I know I'm babbling, I'm sorry, I just don't know how to handle this. If anyone has ever dealt with this horror, please tell me how to get through it. Any advice is welcome, as I am a complete mess!!