school meeting info

[Kjs]

Don't get me wrong. I never believe difficult child initially. I keep in constant contact with spec. ed. teacher, social worker, Program director and sometimes teachers directly. I question difficult child many, many times with different questions, different versions before I come to my conclusions. There is certain way difficult child answers all my questions, and husband's, and I do this many times. I did update my first post when I had more time to question difficult child in detail.

The VP was very loud, leaning over his desk accusing difficult child of all these things that were written. By that time I had followed through on many issues so I knew the answers. I had a copy of his IEP with me, difficult child has several steps to follow. School has several steps they are to follow. Not a single one was followed.

The issue that was written on the referral (which difficult child was not even allowed to see) was not correct. I know this other student too. It specifically said he Stole her sunglasses, he was wearing them. He refused to give them back. I wanted the correct information on there and asked for it. Teacher eventually re-wrote it. Still difficult child had disagreed with some.

VP took us in the back room and said, "just so you know the girl WAS talked to and she said she opened her locker, you took her glasses and ran away". difficult child was extremely upset then and asked for him to call her down. He said no. I told difficult child to speak to her. VP said, "NO, don't you talk to her".
difficult child spoke to her and she said, "I swear to god I told them I gave you the glasses".

So, I emailed the principal and told her I do not want difficult child accused of theft if he did not do it. Maybe if the two kids were questioned together this could be clarified.

Principal emailed me back last night and said she wanted to clarify things.

That the girl was talked to and she DID say that she gave the glasses to him earlier in the day. Teacher did admit he was NOT wearing them.

So, the VP deliberately lied to us. He KNEW what she said but chose to tell us a different story. VP knew he wasn't wearing the glasses, yet chose to chew him out and tell him he WAS.

Now, this is not a power struggle. It is all about the kids. Being that he threatened to call the police on me because I wanted the correct information on the referral made me angry. I asked him what needs to be done to see that his IEP is followed, he just blew me off.

Again yesterday difficult child was removed from yet another class. Refused to do his work. He was punished. There is no excuse for this. He is not very happy at this point. Didn't even take it any further. No excuse for that.

However, I am angry because for the past year, this year included I have requested over and over and over that he not deal with one of the staff members, as she is a yeller. Doesn't let you speak. That just causes more issues when she starts screaming. Well, even though he was wrong for refusing his work, they called her and he was sent to her office for the rest of the day.

difficult child IS punished for his part in all class removals. There is obviously something that is going wrong. I requested to observe this class and was told NO. I am just not going to allow difficult child to sign a paper stating he did something he did not do. The fact is he doesn't even get to see the referral and what is written about him. He is handed a blank sheet of paper and said to write his statement. (more than last year). But there is a portion ON the referral for student statement. That is where He should be writting his statement. After he see's what the teacher has said. I was told the students do not leave the class without one of three forms. He has never had any one of these forms.

I DO question him and speak to school authorities prior to ever believing him. Most of the time when he is lying, it isn't all a lie. He just conveniently leaves out part of the story. Not in this past case though. Just hit husband and myself the wrong way because we personally know this girl and we couldn't figure out why he would steal from her, or why she would accuse him of doing so.

There is not one single thing that has been followed on his IEP. And the VP didn't really care. I proved the VP wrong on THREE issues. The fourth I found out yesterday when the principal told me.
VP told me that difficult child does not have any classes with this girl and he should not even be seeing her. I told him he did have class with her. He told me no he did not, he checked. When difficult child was there I asked him if he had her in any class. He said yes, French class.

So, why would the VP lie to me? Why would he say the girl said he took the glasses from her locker when in fact she never said that? Why would he tell difficult child that? Then forbid him to speak to her..Like that is going to happen. He just lost all respect from me, husband and difficult child. It is going to be a very long year.

 

[busywend]

What does the IEP say to do when difficult child refuses work?

 

[gcvmom]

Any way you can work directly with the principal instead of the VP? Or perhaps get them both in the same room so that you have a witness to what this VP is trying to pull on you? I think I would not want to meet with this person alone in the future, since you cannot rely on what he says as being truthful. He also does not seem to have anyone's best interest in mind except his own...

 

[Marguerite]

Kjs, you are doing an amazingly brilliant job with this, in the face of some very nasty opposition. Your strength is wonderful.

I agree about trying to deal with principal instead, but the only problem is - the principal is a busy person who could soon get resetnful at having to always be the one to field your calls. Also, setting up a meeting with VP and principal both present - the principal won't see his bad behaviour, he will rein it in. It's what they do.

This IS about control, it IS about VP (and some other teachers, at least) wanting to do what THEY want to do, and none of this new-fangled mollycoddling of rotten kids will stand in their way. THEY will not be dictated to, even by the system. It's all nonsense anyway; they've been teaching for years, nobody has the right to tell them how to do their job.

I've heard all this so many times before, it is why I eventually pulled difficult child out of mainstream. Now I know you and husband both work, so I know this isn't an option for you - a pity, because I think it would produce much better results academically for difficult child (gotta be better than spending time out of class every day) and it would also improve your relationships with him - nobody's got sunglasses to steal at home, and would you care if he was wearing sunglasses inside? Does it stop him doing his work, especially when HE is now responsible for his own learning?

Anyway, it's all irrelevant because as you've said before, you can't do this. But it has been so freeing for us - no more phone calls dragging me away from my work, or whatever else I'm trying to do (shopping; seeing doctors etc). The number of times I had to turn around from the city and drive home again, often to find difficult child 3 was back in class and doing fine, or had been taken out of class and given no work to do - at least at home I always made him do schoolwork, even if I had to find it for myself.

You are being stuffed around right royally over all this. So is difficult child. As I said before, even if he is being really difficult and deserving every action by the staff, they are NOT following through with the IEP. And if difficult child is innocent, at any time and in any tiny part (as you've already proven) then they are doing the unforgivable - dumping all the responsibility and blame onto a child who is ill-equipped to defend himself.

And when you treat a difficult child like this, the consequences are even worse than when you treat a easy child like this. And PCs have enough trouble with this. A difficult child will be set back a lot more and be a greater behaviour problem at home, especially if these problems continue and the child perceives that the parents are not supporting him sufficiently (and as a result, implicitly endorsing the school's actions).

At least difficult child can see you are defending him and trying to ensure that his requirements, already set in place, are followed through on.

Good for you! I hope you feel charged with adrenalin - you are a brilliant Warrior Mum!

Marg

 

[Kjs]

difficult child is working with the social worker on social and organizational skills. Even though he does his homework, and I see it done...he doesn't turn it in. Somewhere in his scattered papers in his locker! We are working on that. He has a pass to go in early on Friday to go through his locker and sort things out.

When difficult child has refused to do work previous years, as long as he did not disrupt the class, they ignored it. he was still responsible to complete the work. For them to get into a confrontation about it is just not worth it. Then it is disrupting to all and he ends up being removed.

He has "cool off" passes. IEP states when the teacher or student feels/sees anxiety building he is to use this pass to go see Social worker, Program director, spec. ed. teacher or guidance counselor. When he is settled down he is to return to class. He didn't even HAVE the cool down passes. So how was he to use them?

He insists that he doesn't want to use the computer in class, says he is embarrassed because others don't use it. Well..then he has to write it. His choice. (his choice ofcourse is to not do it at school and use the computer at home. Not a popular choice with his teachers)

He hasn't been having any outbursts. He actually told a teacher the other day that she should call for an escort because he doesn't want to get angry, he should leave. Of course I recieved a phone call that he was removed from class (per my request). but the removal was his suggestion. Is that good or is that bad?

He is quite anxious today, and expect tomorrow he will be very anxious because he believes the bank robber is hiding in his school. He already had his escape route planned out. As much as I tell him he is NOT to try to leave school if something happens he is afraid someone is IN the school.

I don't know if I should alert the spec. ed. teacher of this or wait it out.

I am totally burned out right now. Been a rough few days off.

 

[timer lady]

Kjs,

It's impressive that difficult child was self aware enough to ask for an escort for a break because of how anxious & angry he was feeling.

in my humble opinion, self awareness is half the battle. When a difficult child is aware of his body & emotions, he can learn to be proactive rather than reactive to those emotions.