I don't even TRY to visit my relatives. Yeah, they would make time, but it would be a big deal and then it would be ALL about how great their lives are and how I made such bad choices (like having my bones dissolve painfully was a choice, as was all the various kinds arthritis, sure, I CHOSE that over a life full of interesting work and school and fun things to do). Then there is the dealing with all the awful family dynamics, lets just say I will visit my relatives 800 miles away when and if I finally die and they come here. I won't even go see some of them when they visit my paretns 20 min away. Not the bro of my dad who tried to molest me as a teen, the aunt who sees parenting as some Olympic competition and NO ONE can be as good as her precious son - even if her daughter is about 1000 times cooler and mroe interesting and fun and totally ignored other than to be driven around by her mother, not the aunt who cannot bother to even call me and then whines non stop about me being "mad" at her. She calls my mother to whine about this but hasn't dialed my number in almost ten years. (Mom finally shut up about this when I dropped ALL of my old phone bills in front of her and told her to find ONE call from said aunt - if she could find ONE call she could keep hounding me to call that aunt. She gave up after four years of them. Also told my bro to stop gritching because all the calls he made to me were NOT there, the only time HIS number was on my bills was when he was leaving three messages in a row about how I abuse him by not letting him yell at me and hit me - and I made her listen to all of those messages too. It takes proof that no one thinks I am smart enough to save to back my mom off, but when she stops pushing she stops for good. The aunt was told that she NEVER called me so she cannot expect me to do/say/visit/make time for her. I got a letter about how HURT she was that I lied to my mother and doctored my phone bills. That got my mother to blast her because no way were the bills doctored.
Anyway, you can SEE why any visits I make to OH would be to go to Jungle Jims, Graeters, see the friends I have there and meet some of you.
For decades we drove back to OH, then drove all over the area to visit various people who couldn't bother to make time for us. My mother always dreamed about getting a suite or one of those studio apartment hotel rooms (often cheaper than reg hotel rooms, by the way, check out the extended stay places, you CAN get them for just a couple of days a lot of the time and they have a full kitchen with dishes and pans and everything). Then she would say "here we are, come visit us anything between 9a - 10 p". She tried it once and everyone asked her to come to them because gas was so expensive, they had to work, etc.... But those same people come to her house and expect her to drop work and everything to do stuff with them.
When I outlined each visit she took to OH and the visits those people took here (some of which, esp my one aunt, even had travel paid by my mother) and how much those people did for us and expected of us, well, my dad stopped going. Said if it wasn't worth them taking time off to see him, then he wasn't doing it to see them. My mom also started telling people how sorry she was that they couldn't see her when seh drove all that way. Only took her over 20 yrs to do it.
Go find an area with stuff YOU want to do. Get a hotel there, and visit there. Tell your mom and the relatives that you are SO sorry, but since they cannot take time to see you, since it is such a bad time for them and teh ONLY time you can get off, well, you are going to X and will let them see ALL the pics and videos fo you having fun.
It may or may not change how they react the next time you try to arrange a visit, but you will have a GREAT time and won't be upset or stressed by all these difficult child relatives. Consider sending difficult child to them via air if you can swing a cheap ticket. Just tell them to pick ehr up because she can't WAIT to see them (even if it is a lie, they won't know until she gets there and difficult children deserve each other). Yes, she will get into trouble, but hey, any legal issues will be for them to deal with because you can't afford to fly there to bail her out. No, I am NOT kidding. And usually our difficult children behave better for others. I still remember my bro at about 14 during the air traffic controller strike. Was supposed to fly to VA from MA to meet mom and I (mom had a conference and I got farmed out to an aunt in VA until we met up). difficult child that he was, he rearranged his ticket to give him a full day in Washington to go sightseeing alone. And did NOT tell anyone - we found out when he didn't get off the plane. My mother FREAKED but couldn't do much. No cell to get ahold of him, so he couldn't be stopped. He survived, and other than a few hours of panic and then figuring that he would survive my parents also survived. All dad did was laugh when mom told him about it. He would have done the same thing, so he couldn't throw too many stones.
have you sat down to ask WHY you are going to see these people? What will be FUN and VACATION for you in this trip? WHy not make a trip that will be FUN for you?
You can see, clearly, why I am biased against family vacations to see family. I don't even see mine when they come to see me.