New Leaf
Well-Known Member
"How can this be so?"
You may say.
"How can we see this horror we go through with our d cs in a positive way?"
Cedar brought up, that in the past, folks posting in CD started calling their d cs "gifts from God. "
I like that concept. Thank you Cedar.
Copa, introduced Viktor Frankl in the Family of Origin forum -9/27. Mahalo nui, Copa.
I wanted to share a clip I found this morning, from a Ted Talk by Viktor Frankl.
Viktor Emil Frankl, M.D., Ph.D. was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist as well as a Holocaust survivor.
I think substance abuse and addiction creates a kind of holocaust within our families, it is devastating to see our children choose this path. There is suffering and turmoil, with the recognition of it, our deep love for our children, trying desperately to "help" them, realizing our helping isn't helping, then understanding the need to develop new patterns away from co-dependency, and eventually, understanding the meaning of, and need, for loving detachment.
This can create a suffering in us. We reject joy, thinking it selfish, because our d cs are suffering.
I have gone down the road of awfullizing and despairing over the "what ifs" and "what could" be happening to my d cs (gifts from God).
I have struggled over my response to them. I have lost sleep, and had stomach problems. I have at times, felt numb and paralyzed, faced with the reality of their choices.
I am coming into a new understanding of myself and my reactions. I am hoping to be able to better my responses when I have contact with my two, to be able to make a difference, without enabling, or striving to "fix them."
I am seeking to build up the joy in my life.
Please view the following from Frankl, to understand what I am getting at.
So, if I apply what Frankl said, I can find new ways to converse with my two.
I can stop awfullizing,
because I am recognizing my twos' "will to meaning, search for meaning".
I am seeing the "spark" of their search for meaning.
It is a relief for me, instead of envisioning the worst case scenario,
I can "presuppose" what my children are capable of becoming- the positive things, their endless possibilities, and in turn, mention this, when I have opportunity to speak of them and with them.
I am not writing of returning to enabling them, frantically trying to help them.
I have learned already, that this will not help them, or me.
Enabling does not allow my two, to see their own meaning and purpose in life.
I am seeing through Frankl's words that when I think or speak of my d cs, or in talking with them, I can recognize their "spark", presuppose it with my thoughts, words and actions, thereby "elicit" what they are capable of becoming. Elicit what they are capable of becoming in my own mind, then channel that to them.
So, instead of thinking "What ever could be happening to my child, out there on the streets?"
I can marvel at her capacity to survive.
Instead of saying to her "You need to find help, go to a rehab."
I can say "You are capable of helping yourself, you are strong."
I will practice this, first, in my thinking.
Thoughts have power.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
― Henry David Thoreau
Our thoughts have power, for they turn into words, then action.
Thought patterns, beget speech patterns, beget action patterns.
The thought,
The pebble thrown into the still pond.
Ripples from that small pebble
reaching the other side.
Then I will practice it in action.
If I think this way, then I am allowing myself to create joy in my life, despite the path my d cs choose.
I shall not say "How can I have joy, when they are out there suffering?"
I shall say, "My two are on their way to discovering their best selves,
therefore, I must discover my best self. "
Still again, I will practice recognizing the "spark for meaning" in my gifts from God,
affirming this in my thought patterns, speaking of them, and speaking with them.
"You have strength, grace and beauty. You have had it all along. You are capable of so much. You will find your meaning and purpose."
What do you all think?
Can we see the paths of our gifts from God in a positive light?
leafy
You may say.
"How can we see this horror we go through with our d cs in a positive way?"
Cedar brought up, that in the past, folks posting in CD started calling their d cs "gifts from God. "
I like that concept. Thank you Cedar.
Copa, introduced Viktor Frankl in the Family of Origin forum -9/27. Mahalo nui, Copa.
I wanted to share a clip I found this morning, from a Ted Talk by Viktor Frankl.
Viktor Emil Frankl, M.D., Ph.D. was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist as well as a Holocaust survivor.
I think substance abuse and addiction creates a kind of holocaust within our families, it is devastating to see our children choose this path. There is suffering and turmoil, with the recognition of it, our deep love for our children, trying desperately to "help" them, realizing our helping isn't helping, then understanding the need to develop new patterns away from co-dependency, and eventually, understanding the meaning of, and need, for loving detachment.
This can create a suffering in us. We reject joy, thinking it selfish, because our d cs are suffering.
I have gone down the road of awfullizing and despairing over the "what ifs" and "what could" be happening to my d cs (gifts from God).
I have struggled over my response to them. I have lost sleep, and had stomach problems. I have at times, felt numb and paralyzed, faced with the reality of their choices.
I am coming into a new understanding of myself and my reactions. I am hoping to be able to better my responses when I have contact with my two, to be able to make a difference, without enabling, or striving to "fix them."
I am seeking to build up the joy in my life.
Please view the following from Frankl, to understand what I am getting at.
So, if I apply what Frankl said, I can find new ways to converse with my two.
I can stop awfullizing,
because I am recognizing my twos' "will to meaning, search for meaning".
I am seeing the "spark" of their search for meaning.
It is a relief for me, instead of envisioning the worst case scenario,
I can "presuppose" what my children are capable of becoming- the positive things, their endless possibilities, and in turn, mention this, when I have opportunity to speak of them and with them.
I am not writing of returning to enabling them, frantically trying to help them.
I have learned already, that this will not help them, or me.
Enabling does not allow my two, to see their own meaning and purpose in life.
I am seeing through Frankl's words that when I think or speak of my d cs, or in talking with them, I can recognize their "spark", presuppose it with my thoughts, words and actions, thereby "elicit" what they are capable of becoming. Elicit what they are capable of becoming in my own mind, then channel that to them.
So, instead of thinking "What ever could be happening to my child, out there on the streets?"
I can marvel at her capacity to survive.
Instead of saying to her "You need to find help, go to a rehab."
I can say "You are capable of helping yourself, you are strong."
I will practice this, first, in my thinking.
Thoughts have power.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
― Henry David Thoreau
Our thoughts have power, for they turn into words, then action.
Thought patterns, beget speech patterns, beget action patterns.
The thought,
The pebble thrown into the still pond.
Ripples from that small pebble
reaching the other side.
Then I will practice it in action.
If I think this way, then I am allowing myself to create joy in my life, despite the path my d cs choose.
I shall not say "How can I have joy, when they are out there suffering?"
I shall say, "My two are on their way to discovering their best selves,
therefore, I must discover my best self. "
Still again, I will practice recognizing the "spark for meaning" in my gifts from God,
affirming this in my thought patterns, speaking of them, and speaking with them.
"You have strength, grace and beauty. You have had it all along. You are capable of so much. You will find your meaning and purpose."
What do you all think?
Can we see the paths of our gifts from God in a positive light?
leafy