seething, boiling, flaming mad rant about S2BX

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by amazeofgrace, Jul 23, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I am kicking myself for feeling sorry for this man, sigh.....
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Is there any way he will be able to pin these debts to you? If he doesn't pay them (what makes me think that?) will you be charged?
  3. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I will not be liable!!!
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Do yourself a favor and insist that part of the divorce agreement be that he keep a life-insurance policy with you and the kids as the sole benficiaries until the kids are done with college.

    If his liver blows up, at least you'll have something to dip into.

    What a tool!

  5. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    egads I 1/2 wonder if he could even get life insurance at this point?
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Once an addict, always an addict in my humble opinion. It's the lucky ones that decide to start recovery, work really, really hard on it, and stay in it. And usually that's only if other mental health issues are also addressed. (I DO NOT BELIEVE there is an addict alive that doesn't have a neurochemical basis for the reason they started down the path to addiction in the first place).

    So sorry you had to deal with that wake-up call today :(
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    GRRR! I'd be furious, too. What is he thinking?
  8. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    thinking isn't apparantly one of his strong points, the multiple DWI's are an indicator of that
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I think he thinks very well...about himself, all the time.

    Print this out and hang it where you will see it everyday to remind yourself that he is not worth the tears nor the emotion.

    Stay strong.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    GVC mom is right. Once an addict, always an addict, and often switching one addiction for another.

    Definitely get a clause in your divorce that will not hold you liable. He could develop a gambling addiction in a second.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Are you LEGALLY separated?

    I ask because I was not "on paper" legally separated. I had left due to being tortured, battered, etc. But never went to an atty. to make it OFFICIAL.

    Here are some interesting facts for YOUR viewing displeasure:

    1.) I was married 13 years. In that time - my xmil did our taxes. I worked 3 jobs - DF was a sub contractor. He NEVER payed his taxes from the last 5 years we were together. He told me MY pay taxes paid for his taxes and we broke even. Lie. He got 5 years of refunds, signed my name, gave his Mom a kickback and no one was the wiser.

    I went to the IRS my 1st year single - and "WE" owed - $40,000.00. I had an IRS fraud investigator - I had to do a hand writing analsys. I had to pay the gov't. (no lie) $22,000.00 instead of $40,000.00 because a.) I was STILL married /yet separated after the fact.

    2.) I didn't have bad credit - I had no credit. After I was separated, the psychiatrist told me I needed to put down roots - I went to buy a house for me and Dude. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when I got turned down DUE TO UNPAID BILLS !!!!! To the tune of $42,000 +. Let's see.........he got a woman looks like me, practiced my signature and went to an auto dealer and GOT A BRAND NEW TRUCK......drove it, wrecked it, sold it to someone without a title - and I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR IT!!!!!!!! I was being hauled into court by FORD motor company - AGAIN with the handwriting - and they said if my handwriting was even CLOSE - I got the entire bill. OMG I was freaking. I did it - they said "It could be me" and took him to court - which he of course NEVER showed up for. It was a black mark on my credit until June of THIS YEAR - and THAT was OVER 12 years ago.

    Utilities, phone companies, credit cards for clothes, fancy motels, air plane tickets - ALL on MY advances on numerous credit cards IN MY NAME - and here's the big kicker - if I wanted to prosecute? I had to come out of hiding and face him in court - give MY HOME address and phone - and face DYING and having my son kidnapped again. Yeah - that was going to happen. I tried to fill out police reports with them KNOWING I was in fear for my life - and AGAIN - he had family in law enforcement in that town, higher ups in places I can't guess what? ANOTHER bad mark on my credit - and I paid THAT down as much as I could.

    I think - I went DAYS without eating so Dude could - I paid for my OWN DIVORCE, I never EVER got a dime from him - no child support (again had to tell where I was) and over and over and over this man just kept getting away with it ALL!!!!!

    So when your attorney tells you - NO you are not responsible? GET IT IN WRITING. Because MY attorney told me THE SAME THING - and when the taxes came out he was like - WELL YOU DIDN"T TELL ME ABOUT THAT......or the TRUCK OR THE THIS OR THE THAT......and I got ROYALLY DUNKED.

    I finally after 3 years, working doubles and triples- managed to get straightened out enough to buy a home for me and Dude

    Please get it in writing........A statement from your atty about your joint taxes - the house any assetts.


    Hugs and Love
  12. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Oh and in all of the agreements you want to put in the divorce about you not being liable get whoever the money is owed to to agree to it on paper or you will be. Doesn't matter what a decree says you will still owe the money if the agreements haven't been worked out with the companies the money is owed to. I learned that one the hard way.

  13. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    thank you Star, I pray I do not get dunked
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, when life gives you lemons ... now you'll get a move on.

    I am so sorry.

    Stay strong, and get everything in writing. {{hugs}}
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Keep the printout where you can see it as you work through things and push to get them done. If he is in rehab then he can be served with papers there.

    DON'T hide this from the kids. Esp difficult child 1. At 17 he is plenty old enough to be told we can't afford XYZ because your dad ran up credit cards drinking/gambling and now I have to pay them off.

    In MOST states the creditor can come after the spouse if you were married when the charge was made (I am pretty sure - based on info from a couple of accounting and finance profs I know). It is a very good idea to call your lawyer to find out how to make sure creditors don't attach YOUR assets or put stuff on YOUR credit report. Also - PULL YOUR CREDIT REPORT! One thing addicts get good at is finding ways to get $$ and not let others know about it. Pull the kids credit reports too. As their father he CAN use their SSN to get credit cards in their names. This will keep them from getting student loans, jobs, etc... (more and more employers are demanding access to credit reports before they will hire someone). If he or anyone in his family has had access to the boy's SSNs or other info, they CAN forge signatures and get credit in the boys' names. I know of several gamblers who earned $$ by selling info on this to other gamblers.

    It is YOUR JOB to protect yourself and the boys right now. IF you don't have info, you can't protect them. So check those credit reports.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Amaze -

    I don't know where you live - But I CAN tell you that IF you are married - (what I was told) EVEN SEPARATED -


    ONLY ONLY ONLY what he does after divorce - is on him.

    You had better seek counsel about this
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is why Jamie got a legal separation immediately upon finding out his wife was cheating on him and him sending her packing back to Utah. The military did it for him in the week before she left and they both signed it. They had little except two cars with loans on them but he didnt want to be responsible for her wracking up debts after she left. Good thing to because that is exactly what she did. She even stole his check book from their joint account and wrote checks...after their separation...and wrote hot checks to the tune of 2 grand and the bank prosecuted her. All because he had a legal separation.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    One of my best friends had a husband who was cheating. When they finally separated he took their cards, and several offers for new credit cards and maxed them ALL out. SHE ended up owing HALF of this debt that he took out in cash advances to party with his country club girlfriend (NOTHING wrong with country clubs IF you can afford them - they had 4 kids and couldn't though!). She ended up with no education, 4 kids, and HUGE debts - and less than $200 per month in child support! He has "shared parenting" but picks them up late and drops them off early.

    they spent a LONG time homeless, living in peoples' basements because the kids refused to go with him and he refused to pay off the debt HE racked up.

    She was all worried about being NICE to him so she didn't protect herself financially.

    PLEASE protect yourself and the kids financially.