Sex crimes-->

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by helpme, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. helpme

    helpme New Member

    Has anyone else gone through all of this?

    I start with innocent until proven guilty?

    Currently, I still see the same behaviors, with most recent being
    a mother of one of his friend's girlfriend, in TX, on facebook reporting
    difficult child is perverted and twisted in his texts/words to her.

    Then I wonder if there is a rape kit involved in the charges
    against difficult child.

    Then I wonder how many sex offenders only get charged with
    a misdemeanor because they are less than 5 years older than
    the victim.

    Then I wonder how man sex offenders are currently in court?

    Then I wonder if I am right/wrong about my beliefs on rehabilitation?

    Then I wonder why I am trying to rectify a family that enables
    such behaviors, even though youngest needs a father, sister, and
    brother (but of course not with their behaviors).

    Then I wonder how big the fight is going to be against daddy and
    sister who think difficult child is innocent and is only being charged with
    2 other boys with "intent" to x,y,z.

    Then I thank the support group youngest has set up at school
    and with her friends right now. Most of whom are just learning
    -from her- about it all.

    Then I end up with the fact that I must be just out right loony
    to have gotten myself in this mess? How does a mother handle
    the fact that her son is getting worse about his behaviors to
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry.
    What a mess.
    Unfortunately, you're in fairly good company.

    I'm the worst at taking my own advice, but I'll still say, detach, detach, detach.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I cant say that I have walked in your shoes because I havent.

    I have no idea if they tend to offer misdemeanor charges for teens if they are less than 5 years apart. I would think that would depend on the jurisdiction and really, the actual case. There is a big difference in a 17 year old and a 15 year old and a 14 year old and a 10 year old.

    Also what exactly happened.

    Now I actually had a friend who found out her oldest son had been molesting her youngest step-daughter. It was a mess but somehow they were able to keep him from having charges put against him by having him sent immediately away from home until he could get into a rehabilitative Residential Treatment Center (RTC).
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sending my most caring thoughts your way. This has not been an issue in our family so I have no personal experience. Based solely on reading and television documentaries I would not be too optimistic about effective rehabilitation. As a Mom, however, I know that it is often necessary to hope for the best. Meanwhile I would advise that you also prepare for the worstso you don't get blindsided. If the OP respresents past issues of a similar nature I think you might be wise to focus on detachment and continued protection of those who may be in a position of endangerment. I'm really, really sorry that you are facing this issue. Hugs. DDD
  5. helpme

    helpme New Member

    TerryJ2-yea, but to teach a younger child to detach? how does that work?

    Dammit Janet-From the stories I've heard...three boys difficult child and 2 others
    whom were minors, were charged. difficult child calls the charge "sexual violence". I talked
    with boy A's father, who said Boy A's brother had "gone out" with the girl for a few
    years when both were minors. Father said the girl was trash, and talked very
    derogatory about the girl. Father also knew the girl's father and mother and they
    were all "friends". The girl's father is a preacher. He said the girl was lying about it
    all. Father did not help "defend" his son Boy A in any of his criminal matters. Boy A
    already had three or 4 felonies he pled to and after these charges for the gang rape,
    Boy A got into a lot more trouble when he stole and then tried to resell to a young
    child some ipods and stuff. Boy A pulled a knife on the boy and some adults, ran,
    and the whole ordeal hit the front page of all newspapers around. He is serving

    No clue at all about Boy B. Boy A said Boy B was not there. But Boy A does not
    usually go anywhere alone. difficult child reports there were even more people there than
    the 3 charged. difficult child said when charged that he didn't even know this girl. But
    later I found out that he did, they were both in the same classes at their alternative

    Boy A's story is that they were drugging after school on a bike trail/school/state property.
    Boy A said nothing at all happened with the girl.

    I stopped by the courthouse yesterday after STBX stated that the new lawyer he found
    for difficult child stated the charges were only INTENT sexually assault and batter. My lawyer
    stated that it is very very odd to see our county press charges for both in one charge.
    usually it is assault OR battery. I can't specifically see Boy A and Boy B's juvenille records.
    But difficult child's stated vaginal penetration with the penis. I asked if supplemental discovery
    had been provided to the defense. The courthouse stated that the discovery was
    checked out by someone (I guess the new lawyer, who is not listed yet-maybe the full
    retainer has not been paid yet). I asked if citizens were allowed to know if a rape kit
    was used. They told me that they would be unable to provide that information because
    they don't read the files ( hard would it be to show that to people researching

    I asked STBX if he had been notified or requested for DNA to match. I didn't know that
    he'd been unable to have difficult child not entered into the um...forget its name..maybe DNA
    registry?, on the felony counts. On the domestic battery since difficult child was a juvenile, STBX
    motioned the court not to have him entered. Since he is now a felon-ist (STBX's wording),
    he is entered into the database. I don't anything about it all, and was wondering if
    anyone here had any experience with this/these issues.

    I just keep coming back to the fact that it just isn't right for these cases to take so long,
    or for the public not to be notified. And I am detached from difficult child, but no one can force
    anyone to detach (our daughters). STBX insists difficult child didn't do anything wrong, not to his
    sisters or to this girl. But rumors are that difficult child is drugging girls in the clubs (manager
    of club also talked with me by phone and said difficult child acts like he is on drugs and they
    have him on tape acting irrationally).

    I think deep down I already know it all in my heart, and if it was just difficult child, i'd let dear
    daddy continue with the problem. Because even if he isn't convicted, what did happen?
    What is happening? I just feel like we (with the OP) have a legal right to know the
    discovery. And anyone else involved with issues like this. Shouldn't people have a
    right to know?

    But the girls... what does anyone do?
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ohhh...ick...Im so sorry.

    About the DNA database. I know it is at least statewide and can be accessed nationally in some cases. My son is a convicted felon and has his DNA on file now. Sigh. Nice huh?

    If your son is convicted for any sort of sexual offense, not only will his dna be on file but he will have to register as a sexual offender.
  7. helpme

    helpme New Member

    Hey Janet, here is the now issue with STBX

    What is criminal sexual abuse?

    By definition, it is not abuse as most people know it.

    Although criminal sexual abuse charges can be filed for non-consensual sex acts with
    a minor, the offense is far more commonly charged for consensual sex.


    There are two primary ways for a person to get charged with criminal sexual abuse:

    1. Consensual sex between two persons (boy or girl) who are both under 17 years old, but at least 9 years old.
    2. Consensual sex between two persons (boy or girl) where the victim was at least 13 but less than 17 years old, and the accused was younger than 21 years of age.

    So, STBX says... it was consensual what the young girl wanted to do, had done to her,
    and she desired it all. Furthermore, any two kids could have consensual sex and be charged with the same crime as difficult child. So he warns me that if he finds out youngest is having sex,
    that she can get charged with the same and let me see how dealing with it all feels.

    Um...I wouldn't give STBX the gratification of arguing with him about it all. I asked if the
    girl was pregnant. I also asked if they all had been tested for STDs. He said how the hell
    would he know and why would he care?
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2010
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know exactly what your son did to whom and how old each player was or is but I have either known or heard about "kids" who have been charged with sex crimes that had them end up with the sexual offender status for life I believe.

    One boy was 14 and touched an 11 year old girl on her underpants. No actual sex play or penetration just touching her underpants. This was considered sexual assault because he was 3 years older and she was under 12.

    Another case a boy was 17 and he had oral sex with a 15 year old that was initiated by the 15 year old girl and it was viewed by several kids at a party and they testified that the girl was the initiator and in fact, the girl claimed to be the initiator. He was convicted of sodomy and sentenced to 10 years in jail.
  9. helpme

    helpme New Member

    Doubtful anyone will ever know, he is lawyered up to the max.

    "Sex offender registration lasts for a minimum period of 10 years. That means the offender's face will be published online in the sex offender registry and the State will impose conditions as to where the offender may live and work, and so on. And once a person is registered as a sex offender, it is almost impossible to comply with the law. This results in the 10-year period for registration getting extended over and over again."

    Aggravated means non-consensual, and my county does not show any non aggravated that must register. RSO from other states with non-aggravated do appear though.

    difficult child's father was also considering the diversion program, a program which usually deals with DV
    ,which means an evaluation on anger and the likes, then a decision about the length of treatment, usually 52 weeks. Those enrolled must attend once a week for a few hours, and if they miss even one treatment, a warrant is issued. No one thinks difficult child could complete such treatment. Same issues came up on the Order of Protection, father/son would not agree to treatment because a warrant and a violation of the OP charge could occur each and every time difficult child missed a session. difficult child's father would definitely struggle with the average $5k expense.

    But it would be some form of treatment for difficult child, in my humble opinion. It may open up other forms of treatment, which I've stated he needed since 12 or so.

    Successful completion of the diversion program means that charges are dismissed.
    I wonder how many sex offenders completed such program, and then re-offended?
    Unsuccessful completion is a conviction, punishable by the maximum time to serve
    and fine. Domestic violence and sexual assault/battery are um, "magnifiable",
    <that's what the judge says-silly eh?> meaning that if a conviction goes down as a
    misdemeanor, then any crimes committed, of that nature, afterwords, are felonies.

    I know about the diversion program because even though the OP case against me
    was dismissed, I still had to fight the charge from the city. I had to hear of the
    program over and over again each time I went to court. I finally threatened that
    if I wasn't show discovery (meaning someone should look at the OP case verdict/
    minutes), that I would file a complaint to both judges (the one to see and the one
    I already saw) . I was ever so greatful to that DA, and he anonymously had dinner
    on me one night at one of his favorite restaurants. I couldn't resist.

    It all makes me sick when I think of anything ever happening like this to my youngest.
    I just want to throw up, thinking about it all. The system just sucks, for everyone.
    Someday, I will figure out a way to make an impact about it all, I just haven't
    figured out how yet.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This just sounds like such a horrific and twisted situation you have become entangled in due in large part to your s2bxh. I can somewhat understand that need to protect the child from harm but he has gone above and beyond that into inflicting pain and damage onto you and his other kids.

    I dont get it. I really feel for your pain.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think here it is a misdemeanor if it's concensual but due to ages, illegal. Such as a 16yo and 21yo. I can see where that is not the same as molestation or forced sex of a 25yo and 14yo. I'm not familiar with your personal story so I can't comment on that.