Short but good article about estranged parents


Well-Known Member

This part is so powerful and applies to my son-who-left-family. There is more to the article, but this is the part that struck me. I never thought of estrangement this way. I had long ago accepted that it could be forever, but never occurred to me that the grown child may just not a relationship with us once they reach adulthood. Food for thought, at least for me.

"It’s very hard to accept that there may be nothing you can do to repair the relationship between you and your adult child, but it sometimes happens that your child needs to reject you no matter what you say or do. Not every child wants an adult relationship with his or her parents. If that happens to you, make sure your life has meaning and purpose apart from your role as a parent."

Tired Mom

I can relate to this. I don't know what will happen with my own two children but I feel the need to have a separation from my mother. I would prefer to not be a complete cut off but she makes it extremely difficult. My father was an alcoholic who I did witness beat my mother. My whole life I heard how terrible my father was and he isn't a good person but also every time she would get mad at me she would tell me that I am exactly like him. I so often heard how her life was ruined because she got pregnant when she was 19 and had to marry my father. She so easily would go into a rage. I always had to walk on egg shells when around her because I never knew when she when would go off. I so wanted a sibling growing up just so I wouldn't have to endure the rage alone. I have two cousins who I was very close to growing up I spent as much as time as possible with them and they were some of the few people who had witnessed the rage.

When I was 22 my mom remarried a wonderful man. I truly love him. I think he is the only person in world who really understands what it was like growing up with my mother because he now endures the unpredictable rage that I have experienced. He has told me that he wishes that he could have been there to protect me when I was growing up. She has started to take some medications which my step father has said helps.

I know she has said we need to talk and she would like to get closer relationship and so on but I get so much anxiety that I don't want a close relationship. I don't completely want to cut her out of my life but I don't want to be close ever.