Should I answer the phone?

[specialk030]

As mentioned in my earlier post difficult child is currently in jail for pulling a knife on me last night. He called me after he was arrested but honestly I was still very much in shock and wasn't very open to talking much less being supportive.

I suspect he will call me tonight, and I have mixed feelings. I would love to hear his voice, tell him how much I love him and how no matter what he's done I'll always love him. I want him to know how much I miss him, but I worry that he'll read too much into it, that he will see my willingness to forgive and assume that what he did was okay.

So I thought I would put it out there... should I take his call tonight? or should I leave the phone downstairs and let his Dad talk to him and simply tell him Im not home, or I'm not ready to talk yet? Or simply not answer the phone at all tonight?

 

[everywoman]

Luckily, I have no house phone so I can't talk to mine. I would be tempted, but I know he would just lie and manipulate. You need to do what is in your heart. You know your son better than anyone.

 

[busywend]

I think it is OK for your difficult child to not hear your voice for a bit. I would have husband be honest though. Let him tell difficult child you are just not ready yet.

It is hard to know what is best. I do not think letting him wonder would be a bad thing though. I do think fawning over him could be less productive.

 

[tracy551]

Probably best to have husband tell him you need some time. Believe me I know it's hard not to talk to him. He's your son no mattwer what but maybe he needs to know how serious this is. Just hang in there.

 

[timer lady]

I'd be unlikely to pick up the phone tonight. husband handled many of the wm calls at the start of his placements.

It hurt - yet I needed the distance.

Go with your heart. If need be, lay out the guidelines for the conversation...that your love for him doesn't condone his choices.

 

[Mikey]

Go with your heart. If need be, lay out the guidelines for the conversation...that your love for him doesn't condone his choices.

Gotta agree with you timer_lady. I've never dealt with violence from any of my children, but outright defiance seems to bring out the same type of feelings. Anger, betrayal, fear....

Go with your heart. That's what I would do, and if I had to take such a call I'd put it all out there for difficult child to see and hear. Again, YMMV because each kid is different. But when I speak from the heart about the pain my son causes, I can tell it hits home with him - at least for a time. If he were in a jail cell, it might stick just a bit longer.

But with other kids, maybe not so much. I can only speak for my own brood.

Go with your heart, but don't hold anything back. Lying and defiance is one thing; violence and threats is an entirely different arena.

Not sure if that made sense (even to me), but it's how I feel about the issue.

Mikey