Should I say anything

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ConcernedMother, May 16, 2019.

  1. ConcernedMother

    ConcernedMother New Member

    So I’m looking through my daughter phone mine u that she is only 15 n the boy 18 I seen him having sex they had covers over them she had a top on so u couldn’t see any skin but he stroking her in she making faces jus trying to paint a picture they were sexing Then I heard another voice in the room so someone was video n watching this may be worst then I thought should I turn this evidence over to authorities I can’t believe what I have seen ‍♀️
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi ConcernedMother.

    I would contact authorities. State law may differ from state to state but in my state it is not legal for an 18 year old to have sex with a 15 year old. It is also very concerning the third person. Who could this be? Is it another teen or another adult? Either one would be bad. Can you tell where this is taking place?

    I would be concerned about exploitation, over and above the sex.

    What is your relationship like at this point? Will she talk to you? If so, I think I would want to talk to her prior to calling the authorities *unless this would be volatile or even dangerous. That is, if she could runaway or in another way put herself or you at risk. (I don't think I would want the police to just show up, unless there is no other way). But then, if she will not speak to you, what do you do then?)

    If she won't speak to you, I don't see what other choice you have then to call the authorities right away. We really don't know the extent of this.

    I don't see what choice you have. While I am not an attorney, I might think that your knowledge of this (what would be child abuse in my state) would make you complicit if you did not report it. We don't know if other juveniles or adults are involved, and how.

    Other people will be along in the morning. They may think differently than I do.

    How difficult for you....I am sorry.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2019
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    To me, it sounds odd that made a video, but didn't show any skin. Usually that us the purpose of making a video tape. Was the phone stationery? Was the third person moving the camera around?

    Any possibility that the third persons voice was TV? Or outside the room?

    Some hard decisions to make... Do you have a counselor that could be the one to bring this up?

    If it makes things any better, you are not alone. Last year husband and I took our dream trip to Europe for a month... My 18 yo was to stay with her dad ( we adopted our DGD's) but instead she stayed with her previous Xbf. Long story short, before we left her phone wouldn't charge the battery, so I let her have my old phone... And she would charge the battery in it and put it in her phone. I deleted all my stuff on the phone.

    They made an inappropriate video...and some how, all photos and videos they made uploaded to my google photo account and showed up with my vacation photos!! I was disgusted! By the time I could reach her from Europe, they had a big break up, and he still had the phone with the video! I told her to get the phone back or I was reporting it stolen. (husband is a volunteer citizen police, so I knew (and she knew) we had connections. She got the phone back and I told her to delete the videos and photos! OMG was she shocked!!

    It was awful going thru that...so I have a clue how you are feeling, but she was 18 at the time.

    Hang in there! Ksm
     
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  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    You have to take care of this, CM

    Your daughter is only fifteen, and she is seriously out of control. She is taking drugs (marijuana, and likely other things have been at least tried), running away, s*x with adult men, and now video taping it.

    Is she graduating to the next grade in school? Does she keep up with her schoolwork?

    I, personally, would consider talking to my daughter about it, but I would definitely take it to the police. You have tried to warn this guy to stay away from your daughter and he is still around. He is a bad guy; an adult who is taking advantage of a child.

    You must get your daughter into counseling, immediately. I would look into drug rehab/drug counseling as well.

    You need to get an alarm system that alerts you to anyone coming or going from a window or door.

    Take away all access to social media since she can’t be trusted to use it in an appropriate way.

    If she were mine, she would be grounded to the house for the foreseeable future. I would eventually allow her “good” friends” to come over and watch a movie, etc. in the living areas of the house. Allow them to do age-appropriate activities.

    Is she into sports, arts, dance, theater, band, etc? I would encourage her to continue/join healthy extracurricular activities.

    Don’t downplay the significance of this. Your daughter needs serious intervention and supervision.
     
  5. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Ask her if she's prepared to endure all the embarrassment if her boyfriend decides to send that video to everybody at school. People think it gets shut down immediately if it gets on the internet, but that isn't true. If he loses his phone and somebody gets that video, it's going to be bad news.
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Was boy having sex with your daughter in the video? I'm confused. You said HE was having sex so not sure.