showers and baths....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    So, I was wondering as I sit on the floor in the bathroom watching difficult child in the bath....... does anyone else find that they have to assist their difficult child (younger difficult child's) with baths, or more importantly showers???

    I on occassion will be allowed to leave the bathroom to go into another room while she is in the shower. Yet most of the time she requires me in very close proximity.

    Does anyone find shower/bath time a problem? I also have to literally force difficult child into one. She hates them, and especially washing her hair. She thinks she is going to drown in the shower. Yet during summertime she's jumping around in the pool???

    anyway was just wondering. Hope everyone had a calmer day today :)
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Yep, every other night... yet she will swim all day in a pool. Once in the bath or shower she is OK. But I have to be near and help. It is getting in and the idea of it.
    N is the same way. husband and I take turns helping washing hair, etc. Every night it is something, teeth brushing, shower, getting jammies on, etc.

    We basket *c* this a lot.
    I am still wiping her at 7.5... so I try to stay grateful for the little things. HA HA!!!
    baby steps
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh sorry to hear about the wiping thing......... i myself deal with-the pee thing in bed everynight :)

    i'm glad to know i'm not alone on this. I was sitting here as she played barbies and trying to pull the kitten in tub and thinking hmmmm does anyone else go through this?? lol

    i give her shower, every other night also, i have to in the winter mos. difficult child gets eczema so i have to be careful with not overwashing. Yet she has bad b.o. lately and oh yea did i mention a bra as well?? LOl so scary it was time though. She fights me everyday to wear it. I said well honey your growing. She said i want boobs she calls them (i so try to tell her their breasts), yet I still want to be a baby this is very confusing :)

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I used to dread bath or shower time with difficult child. Someone always had to be in close proximity and ready to help. Now he is o.k. in the shower (when I can get him in it)!
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Bath time right now! I am sitting right outside the door. She willingly went in tonight, but N is fighting it and being a PITA because it would be SO much easier if she would take a bath in my bathtub... but no she wants to take a bath in the tub that K is in.
    The girls have a tub and so do husband and I. They like ours better because it is bigger. But some nights they like theirs. AND once in awhile I can get K to take a shower in our shower which is big.
    She loves it once she is in. The girls sometimes shower together. But they can no longer bathe together. K kicks and is too long. Gets too hyper.

    We have talked about the bath problem here on the board before. I buy them little *beauty* products and they pretend they are in the spa, like Fancy Nancy.
    I also have Grandma and Papa collect little soap and such from hotels.
    I buy them on sale and let them *mix* them and *make* soaps...
    When it is time to get out I squirt 2 different lotions in their hands and rub them all over. I make a big deal out of it. Put leave in conditioner in their hair, just like Mom...
    It has helped with both of them, prior to this it used to be a lot worse!
    N has issues with her hair and sensitivity. Also lotion on her hands... so I have to be clever.
    Maybe you could find the body sprays for after the bath so it wont make the eczema worse?
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Those are all great ideas that you have implemented with K. How do you get around the sensitivity issues with N, and the hair? difficult child also have sensitivity issues.

    With difficult child it's more of her "neediness" of me constantly that kills the whole thing. She's thrilled once she's in there, she sings, etc. (getting her in shower is hard). Yet she continuously calls out for me. I sometimes will go into my room which is right outside the bathroom and fold clothes or straighten up (i dont' sit well lol). Yet she won't have it.

    hairwashing is difficult, water hitting her face is difficult we have to keep a towel handy so she can wipe her face every few minutes. When she gets out of bath I have to put a towel on flr. she hates the feel of the bathrm. rug with her wet feet than she runs into her rm to jump on her bed. She doesn't like our with-w carpeting at all. She dresses ontop of her bed.

    If anything I'd just like her to be more secure with herself. It's always one of my biggest desires for her.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Bath & shower time for kt went from a terrifying experience to one her self calming skills.

    I spent many hours sitting in the bathroom with kt - alternately reading books or singing with her. At first, it annoyed the heck out of me because I could have been doing something else rather than sitting there with my then 7 y/o daughter.

    I then turned it into fun, catch up with kt time. As many of you know, my ktbug is a motor mouth ~ the things she would share with me while she sat in the bathtub generally cracked me up. We would make up jokes & talk about life in general (which is always interesting with a 7 year old).

    I now miss those "visits". I'm sorry that I would get so annoyed because it really had become a joyous time together with kt.
  8. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Yep.....every time! difficult child has never liked baths to beging with....screamed as a baby. She wants us right there with her. She repeats "all done" the whole time too. We've tried special toys, bath paints, soaps, blowing bubbles, many others......still would rather skip bath time :( She sure likes to be in the pool though.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member


    That's cute. I'm just at a point where I"m watching her grow up, wearing her first bra turning ten soon, middle school in a year and i'm becoming very aware of her extreme neediness.

    The bedtime thing has improved greatly, now I'm only in there for ten or fifteen min. since the seroquel began it used to be an hour at least. I just would love to see her become more confident in herself.
  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Never had the bath/shower fight. difficult child always has to "look good". I do have a friend with a 13 yr. old difficult child. She fights with him every time. Must be in the room. Showers don't happen, must be a bath. She has said that she has to sit on him with her knees on his arms and forcefully brush his teeth.

    Brushing teeth IS a problem with difficult child. If I didn't insist, he would not. I have even stood in the door as he ran the brush under water to fool me. Caught him. Now I have to watch him or he won't do it. Why???
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm with ya.

    difficult child wets the bed pretty much every night, so he has a bath every morning, and I have to sit and watch.

    I have gotten him to let me leave the room to fix his breakfast now, tho, which he will often eat in the tub.

    Yeah, I know. I do not qualify for any parent of the year awards.
  12. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I always thought they felt afraid and vulnerable in the bathroom. easy child went through a phase where he was afraid of the drain. Putting a wash cloth over it helped him a great deal.

    I think they don't want to be alone.

    difficult child fought getting in the shower, and then fought getting out. He opposed anything that got in the way of his play/life, I guess. He wasn't afraid though. Just stubborn.
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It is fear for N. Anxiety, fear and sensory overload. The sound of the water! It is too loud. She will not let me drain until she is out of the room.
    I put on shorts and stand in the tub with her sometimes when she really worked up, I help her lay back and float around so her hair gets fully wet.
    I tell her she is a mermaid... at first she fought it. Scared! But now she finds it relaxing. It hurts my back, but it does help calm her and sometimes just getting her hair wet is enough! We skip the wash.
    It hurts she cries, I have to rub very softly, to put the shampoo in and wash it out. She holds a washcloth over her eyes the whole time.
    The bathroom is always a mess. One other thing is if she wants to bring it in the tub and it wont ruin it, I let her. Any of her toys or doll. We will wash there hair first. I make them cry and ask her what to do to help them. How to be softer etc.
    After we get out I put leave in conditioner in and finger comb it, i go from there. If she is calm, I can softly brush it or I let her brush it with a big horsehair type brush.
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Your so patient. It sounds just like my daughter. And N's so tiny, 4 going through that. ugh. I'm sorry.
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    My Little easy child has bath and shower time issues as well.
    He LOVES the water and will splash around in a pool all day if you let him. He will spend hours and hours in the hot tub in our back yard, but a shower? a bath?

    There is a lot of sensory input to deal with, and sometimes Little easy child forgets all the steps. So I sit in the room with him, make sure he washes everything from the neck down that needs washing. Then I help him wash his face and hair. He can't stand the feeling of having the shower spray touch his face, so I wash his face very gently with a cloth and mild cleanser. Then I wash his hair. I have him lie back in the bath or look straight up at the ceiling while I use the shower wand to wet his hair. Towels always at the ready in case of stray drips. I scrub his hair (which is very thick and very curly and takes a lot of work to scrub), and then rinse with the shower wand (again, with towels at the ready).

    I have to spread towels all over the bathroom floor for Little easy child as well. In his case, it's containment rather than Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), as he will inevitably get hold of the shower wand and spray down the bathroom, ceiling, walls and all. I usually take the opportunity to give the bathroom a good scrubbing after he's finished his bath, since everything is wet anyway...

    When I'm not feeling up to it, I just put on my bathing suit, take him out back to the hot tub and scrub him down in there. The filter seems to get all the soap residue out of the water, and he doesn't fight the process nearly as much in the hot tub. Maybe the jets counteract the other sensory input and provide him with some equilibrium. I've never thought about it really...just do whatever works to keep him clean.

    (Now difficult child, at almost 19 STILL needs supervision in the bath. His Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff sometimes have to observe, but usually just do the sniff-test and do-over)

    Shari, sometimes I feed Little easy child in the bath as well. It may be unorthodox, but he's getting clean AND fed so I just don't worry about it.

  16. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    LOL and I thought I was the only one! Actually both my kids love the water a lot and will not fight to get in. The trouble is their hair. My difficult child (ds) loves to "swim" in the bathtub. He is almost 9 and just about 6 months ago was the first time we could get him to take a shower. However, we found out he was stopping the drain and then "swimming" in the water for fun-time after. Ewww! Anyway, when we told him he couldn't do this anymore he now has switched back to baths. Ho hum. He doesn't need us to sit with him anymore thankfully. He actually is very concious about mommy NOT seeing his privates.

    My daughter is almost 5. She needs us to still do her hair but is learning how to do it herself and so proud. She has issues with the water getting in her eyes and ears. That is actually what convinced my ds to start showers, because the water got in his ears and eyes LESS.

    And on the teeth brushing-THAT is insane. He would not do it if I didn't make him. He still misses the tops by his gums because he basically just waves the toothbrush around in his mouth. He says it hurts. Ah yeah, because he doesn't brush good he is getting gum disease and that causes him to not brush because it hurts. It's a stupid circle. Both myself and the dentist have tried to show him but it doesn't help. I sometimes have to brush them for him which he hates. But he realizes this is the only way. My easy child (daughter) has wonderful teeth I hope she keeps her good habits.
  17. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh, the tooth brushing.
    Pooky, this is a HUGE issue in our house.

    Little easy child loves the flavour of the toothpaste, and would just eat it if I didn't keep an eye on him. However, he HATES the sensation of the toothbrush in his mouth. We've tried manual, and all manner of electric and spin brushes...he hates them all. Sometimes I give him a washcloth soaked in cold water, with a dollop of toothpaste on the corner. Tell him to take his index finger and polish his teeth with the toothpaste and cloth, just like when we polish mummy's silver tea pot. For some reason, this works for him.

    (My grannie taught me this trick when I was about 4 years old, because I hated the feel of toothbrushes as well)

    At the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), difficult child is on the sniff-test-and-do-over plan for brushing his teeth as well as showering. I feel terrible for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff on that one, because difficult child is very creative in avoiding tooth brushing and sometimes his breath would stop a wild boar in its tracks. (I used to be the one doing the sniff test before he went to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). YUCK!)

    I would say, don't worry if your methods are unorthodox. Are they achieving the results you intend? If so, then it works for you and it's the right thing to do.

    (in the Hilarious House of Aspie)
  18. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Thanks Trinity I might have to try the washcloth thing. Sounds like a good possibiilty.
  19. Jena

    Jena New Member


    thats always fun. difficult child loves toothpaste she decorates sink every night with-it. I buy two tubes a week. We stand there with little ones each night line them up they take turns. Yet difficult child goes back in to pee and boom she decorates sink with it. Also shaving cream ugh!!!!!!!

    Shari - sorry i skipped over response. Are you kidding you are soo mother of the year, i have been dealing with difficult child wetting bed since birth it is aggrivating and tiresome every a.m. to have to go thru stuff before sending them off to school and than having to fight with them to get them to go to school!!!

    I have been very lucky since she started seroquel she hasn't wet bed, what's that about???
  20. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Jen, I hear you on the toothpaste thing too.

    My difficult child could not be left alone with a tube of toothpaste (or any other bath products for that matter) even at 17. He would squirt it down the drain, or put it in the shampoo, or fill up a cup with a glob of soap, shampoo, conditioner, get the idea)

    What we used to do was:
    At bath time, we would give him a little tray with a plastic dish of bubble bath, one of shampoo, and one of conditioner. His toothbrush would be given to him with a dollop of toothpaste already on the bristles. This was the ONLY way we were able to regulate the amount of bath stuff he used. Did it for years!

    This might work with your difficult child's tooth brushing, at least until she gets to the point where she can regulate it herself.