SuZir
Well-Known Member
Ugh! easy child is again showing signs of envy for difficult child. And is being nasty on the matter. He did have a quite big disappointment in his sport and that is probably the reason behind it. easy child is very used to being the golden boy of the family. The one who is good at everything and is much praised over his achievements. difficult child has always been the troubled one. But there are few niches there difficult child is showing more talent than easy child. Unfortunately those happen to be things easy child deems important. Sports are the biggie. While easy child has always been better than difficult child in most sports, the one they both are serious with, is the one difficult child may be more talented. They luckily play different positions, so comparing is more difficult and of course they both are still so young nothing definite can be said. And while adults may have always thought difficult child more talented one of our boys, for easy child it is something newer. He has always been best or one of the best players of his team, so did difficult child. Only now that also easy child is old enough for junior national development programs, it has became clear to also him, that while difficult child has always been one of the stars also in those circles, he himself is more a fringe player in that level. Doesn't mean that he couldn't end up better than difficult child, as I said, they are both still very young, but currently there is a difference for difficult child's advantage. Also in school, after changing schools this fall, easy child has started to hear different things about difficult child. Till now it was always: "Oh, it's good that you are nothing like your brother!" and now easy child in fact has teachers who think highly of difficult child and some have even said that to easy child.
difficult child's gifts tend to give him some extra second changes, some more support and understanding and trying to help him and that easy child thinks is unfair. We and his school and sport have always taught him, how working hard and giving your best is what we all want and what matters. How everyone treats difficult child and how easy child feels he is or would be treated in similar situations are to easy child too far from each other to be fair. And he is having hard time getting over of unfairness of all that. And he is angry for difficult child because of that.
He doesn't seem to appreciate how much hardship difficult child's limitations and weaknesses give him and how unfair that is, if he wants to compare unfairnesses. To him difficult child's problem seem to be just choices and he doesn't really get, that many of difficult child's core problems are things he simply can't choose differently. For example easy child thinks that difficult child would be more liked by his peers, if he would just choose to be nicer to others. He doesn't really get, that difficult child's problem really isn't that he just wants to be annoying and detested by his peers, but that he simply doesn't know how to be 'nicer to others' and likeable.
difficult child spent a night home on his way to his national team camp (yeah, that was a trigger for easy child) and while easy child wasn't that nasty to difficult child himself, he has been making very catty comments about him to me, husband and others. He also broke something of difficult child's. I'm quite sure it wasn't completely deliberated but neither do I believe it was an honest accident. There was more or less disregard involved. How much, I can't say for sure. The thing broken is luckily not too expensive, but it does have some sentimental value to difficult child, and is unfortunately something that can not be replaced. I'm in little loss with how to deal with easy child, because this is not like him at all. In fact it is straight from difficult child's MO, not something typical to easy child at all, which is why I do tend to believe, it was more an accident and less deliberate.
I'm an only child myself and I really hate this stuff. Especially when I get it from my sweet easy child.
difficult child's gifts tend to give him some extra second changes, some more support and understanding and trying to help him and that easy child thinks is unfair. We and his school and sport have always taught him, how working hard and giving your best is what we all want and what matters. How everyone treats difficult child and how easy child feels he is or would be treated in similar situations are to easy child too far from each other to be fair. And he is having hard time getting over of unfairness of all that. And he is angry for difficult child because of that.
He doesn't seem to appreciate how much hardship difficult child's limitations and weaknesses give him and how unfair that is, if he wants to compare unfairnesses. To him difficult child's problem seem to be just choices and he doesn't really get, that many of difficult child's core problems are things he simply can't choose differently. For example easy child thinks that difficult child would be more liked by his peers, if he would just choose to be nicer to others. He doesn't really get, that difficult child's problem really isn't that he just wants to be annoying and detested by his peers, but that he simply doesn't know how to be 'nicer to others' and likeable.
difficult child spent a night home on his way to his national team camp (yeah, that was a trigger for easy child) and while easy child wasn't that nasty to difficult child himself, he has been making very catty comments about him to me, husband and others. He also broke something of difficult child's. I'm quite sure it wasn't completely deliberated but neither do I believe it was an honest accident. There was more or less disregard involved. How much, I can't say for sure. The thing broken is luckily not too expensive, but it does have some sentimental value to difficult child, and is unfortunately something that can not be replaced. I'm in little loss with how to deal with easy child, because this is not like him at all. In fact it is straight from difficult child's MO, not something typical to easy child at all, which is why I do tend to believe, it was more an accident and less deliberate.
I'm an only child myself and I really hate this stuff. Especially when I get it from my sweet easy child.
Last edited: