Sick of my Adult Daughter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by EJP, Apr 12, 2017.

  1. EJP

    EJP New Member

    I love my Adult Daughter but she gets on my nerves to the point where I get so frustrated with her. My daughter is an only child and spoilt rotten I couldn't have anymore children unfortunately. I was up visiting her recently and I questioned a decision of hers god forbid I do that and she goes off her brain like I don't have the right to and she told me to leave so I did and it was awful because her daughter had her 1st Birthday the next day but I was so annoyed with her I just loaded up my car that night and left early the next morn and they were all still asleep. I was so sad driving home and still am but I am so over her thinking she can speak to me anyway she sees fit. I will miss my grandkids they live eight hours away and I drive each time to visit three or so times a year but when she told me to leave I left and text her husband to say I was home and that I wouldn't be back for quite awhile if ever that's how annoyed I was with her. I'm over her disrespect and maliciousness she excludes me most of the time and healthily reminds me her husband and kids are her family so my question is then what am I? She can be so nasty but what really upset me enough to leave was she abused me in front of my 8 year old grandson and that was the last straw for me so I left. I feel most unappreciated and sick of all the drama who needs it. I should be able to ask a question without getting abused shouldn't I? I am her mother.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nobody should be abused by anyone for any reason. Your daughter is treating you without any respect. She is setting a horrible example for her kids.

    Has she always been abusive?

    I am sorry she is this way and I dont blame you for leaving. Sadly, these days children often abuse loving parents. Do you have a SO? Friends? Other family that is nice to you?
     
  3. EJP

    EJP New Member

    Thank you and unfortunately you are right and yes I do have others. She has hurt my feelings so many times over the years but this was the last straw for me and I do mean it and tomorrow is her birthday wow the timing of it all.
     
  4. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    I am sorry you feel bad. It is hard to admit "I am sick of my kid" but that is really how you feel and others think we should feel bad for saying it but I am with you! Sometimes we are really really sick of the garbage that we have to deal with! Hang in there. And yes, don't let her treat you with disrespect. We all slip sometimes and may not be the nicest but it should be the exception not the rule.
     
  5. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    You remember of the dinamic between my wife and her mother.
    They have a strange relationship for example my wife hates her parenthood being question and my mother in law does exactly that so they argue and sometimes even trows my mother in law out or leaves her house if we are in a visit.
    THis is their dinamic since I know them they forgive each other easily also.
    THey teached me one thing that can work in strange ways.
    ARe you willing to work like this forever to keep contact?
     
  6. EJP

    EJP New Member

    Thank you Catmom I can't tell you how bad I feel saying anything about my daughter but really did need to reach out to other Moms in similar situations I feel like a traitor and disloyal but you hit the nail on the head it is how I feel she's such a cow to me sometimes and there is no need for it. I think often what it would take to change her and the only answer I can come up with is aging. She will always see only her point of view until it happens to her with her own children and I hope she remembers when that time comes what a cow she was to me all those years ago and gets a good taste of her own medicine. I can only hope it sounds mean and nasty but from where I'm standing it's just deserts. My mother always used to say to us wait till you get your own kids and boy was she right as she always was. Lol. It was my daughter birthday today and it's spoiled for me because we aren't talking I sent her a message this morning and she did answer me but shirt and to the point makes me wonder why I bother she turned 34 today I'd like to say it's been a fabulous 34 years but I'd be lying like have been to myself for a very long time. There's nothing worse than been made to feel unwelcome in your own daughters home it's the most awful feeling. Not going to lie I shed a few tears but not a lot I've become immuned to her behaviour to a point and the hurt I surprised myself this time I'm finally toughening up to her and it's long overdue. Us Mums always make excuses for our kids oh they're tired oh they're have there hands full oh there lives are busy but that's still no excuse to be a cow. Thank you I've never done this before but I needed outside support for once.
     
  7. EJP

    EJP New Member

    Well I guess you would have to ask my daughter that question and we all have a cutoff point and I've just reached mine I no longer wish to be her battering ram because she thinks it's ok that's unhealthy for both of us. We will get past this of that I'm sure but it doesn't mean I have to keep taking her abuse it's grossly unfair and totally unnecessary so it's time for her to stop in my opinion because quite simply I'm her mother not her motherinlaw there's a big difference. Thank you.
     
  8. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    MY wife's mother is my mother in law that is why I adressed her like that.
     
  9. EJP

    EJP New Member

    No problems. thanks.
     
  10. Joanieb

    Joanieb New Member

    EJP I'm going through this and much mor switch my 36 year old daughter and my 2 grandsons so I know exactly how you feel. I divorced her dad when she was 8 years old and then went through some rocky years but through it all I gave her as good a childhood as I could. I worked and provided good home, school, sports and holidays. They never went without. But she grew up hating me. I can remember hateful comments from a very young age towards me. After her boys were born I gave her so much support and turned down a major promotion at work to support her. About 4 months ago as her mental health deteriorated so did her treatment towards me. I once got 27 abusive text messages when I was babysitting her son. Swearing and calling me names. I've been trying to give my grandsons their Easter presents but she makes up excuses all the time for me not to see them. I got far too attached to them over the years because of all the babysitting I did. She now uses them as a way to hurt me. I cry and get angry and then sad nearly everyday. When I'm with others I just fake how I feel. I put on a mask everyday Andy then when I take it off it's so painful I can't breath sometimes. I am feeling your pain in every word you write here. I'm also starting to take it out on my partner. I have no answers. How do you just walk away from years and years of parenting and family like people suggests you do?
     
  11. EJP

    EJP New Member

    Hi J I am so sorry you are being treated that way by your daughter sounds like you don't deserve it either. I also divorced my daughters father when she was five and I admit rocky times also. I have apologised to my daughter so many times I've lost count but she throws things up from the past and it's just to hurt me and she knows I know it but she still thinks it's ok to speak to me like dirt when it suits her but she doesn't send me bad texts like you daughter is to you and I haven't helped my daughter like you have with her three children as we have always lived apart up until fours ago in different states and I've hated it the whole time but my partner goes where the work is so no choice where we live for now. My daughter is what I call a lasher she lashes out to the people that are closest to her which means she also has some problems but she is so guarded about telling me it makes me feel like a stranger it's extremely hurtful and totally unnecessary. But she doesn't use the kids against me like your does so at least I have that to be thankful for. Well not so far this has just happened between us so we haven't come to that yet. She won't want to do that let me tell ya there would be a blew and a half then lol. But you are right when people say just stay away and don't have contact in the mean time the grandkids are growing up and you miss everything so I completely understand what you mean by that my sister has also told me the same thing but it's unbearable and unless people experience the same thing they don't understand and I too put on a front but I am so disappointed in my daughter at the moment I'm not sure if we can come back from this one it's happened to often. All I can think is I hope it happens to her with one of her kids and see how she handles it I just hope I'm alive to see it. Look after you is all I can say. Try not to respond to her if you can and stay quiet for a while just to give yourself a break that's what I'm doing for now when I'm ready to go into battle with her again I'll contact her. Take care.
     
  12. Joanieb

    Joanieb New Member

    Thanks EJP. I see my psychiatric tomorrow and she helps me put things in perspective as well xxx
     
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  13. EJP

    EJP New Member

    You're most welcome. Good for you been thinking of doing the same thing myself I'm tired of being sad too. Take care. Xx
     
  14. Saddmom

    Saddmom New Member

    I am sic of my kid and don't dederve to be treated this way
     
  15. Saddmom

    Saddmom New Member

    Sorry for my typos. Feeling depressed
     
  16. EJP

    EJP New Member

    Don't apologise I can relate. It seems there is a lot of us floating in this same boat. Where did we go wrong? I've hardly slept in three weeks it's upset me that much. I haven't changed how I feel about the issue just the same I really am over her nonsense. Something has changed this time for me I think I finally reached my cutoff point seeing the grandkids is all I care about now sad isn't it.
     
  17. Saddmom

    Saddmom New Member

    I understand. See your grandkids before long they will be grown. I am at the end of my rope with my daughter. Going to get a order of protection even though we live together
     
  18. Saddmom

    Saddmom New Member

    Thank you
     
  19. Saddmom

    Saddmom New Member

    I try to remain calm but my daughter is a lasher too. If she should get SSI at least she can move but I might move out sooner than later.
     
  20. Saddmom

    Saddmom New Member

    That is hard to walk away from years of parenting but she is ruining my life and it has affected my relationship with my boyfriend