I stumbled upon this site looking for information. After reading some of the posts, I realized that many of the folks post the same concerns. I wish more parents were listened to by professionals regarding their own experiences, and I wish more professionals would treat parents as they are-- the most informed person and the most powerful person that can make changes in their childs life.
Sillydog - Welcome! It is true many professionals treat parents as if it is their fault the child has behavior problems. It is really quite amazing actually, I mean if there were a parent that could cause behavior problems, do they really think that is the type of parent in their office begging for help?
Even if parents did contribute to the behavior problems, due to family dysfunction, their own mental health issues, or just simple ignorance (what parent doesn't suffer from that?), they still need not be ignored in respect to the care of their child. Again, regardless of the contributing factors to a child's behavior, no one has more power in making a difference than a parent. This is the point I think many parents aren't aware of because many professional avoid it.