Since I'm on here today...Grieving process..?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Some may recall, my dad passed away suddenly in March of this year. He just laid down to take a nap and never woke up. It hit my family (and me) hard.

    I just recieved my friend back home, Donnie, just lost his dad in much the same way. We aren't terribly close friends, but friends. We exchange hand-me-downs for our boys and get together occassionally when we go back home to visit, etc. I am not normally a terribly emotional person, but holy cow, this is tearing me up. I know the pain he and his wife are feeling, the shock, the "sudden-ness", etc. I'm assuming this is part of my own grieving process? Cause wow - this caught me off gaurd.
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member


    Losing a parent is hard. Losing one without any warning is even harder. Grieving has a nasty habit of taking its own sweet time. We think we're done and then WHAM! something hits us. Find the time to close your doors and have a good cry. I used to take a bath or shower so I could sob out the pain.
  3. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Shari, you will always grieve to some extent. In all reality, it's not been too long since you suffered that loss. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes and my son died suddenly thirteen years ago. I've learned it's normal in my lifetime for it to come up now and then.....and I have to live through it and go on.

    Be gentle with yourself.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Shari, it makes absolute sense that hearing about the loss of a friend's parent, similar case to your father, so soon after your father's passing, would bring up everything again.

    Your parent is your parent. You knew him since the very day that you were born. If they die suddenly, it is one heck of a shock to the system. It will take time for your heart to heal, and as was mentioned, you never fully grieve.

    Grieving has 5 stages to it. Pain, anger, hurt, bargaining, and acceptance. Not necessarily in that order, and not necessarily one right after another. Sometimes we grieve just enough to be able to get through life, and then some outside event happens (like your friend's father passing) that stirs up all kinds of stuff that you never even knew was there. It's normal, it's natural, just make sure you face it.

    So sorry that you are hurting.
  5. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I want to add thoughts & prayers for you....and your friend. {{{hugs}}}
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hugs. The suddeness of your dad's death has got to still be raw. No wonder you are grieving for your friends' dad. In addition to you being a kind person.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Shari, I would agree. That makes perfect sense. Go ahead and continue to grieve. It's okay. And it's compassion for your friend's loss, too.
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Shari, Very sorry about your loss and your friend's... Yes, I think it is part of the grieving process. It has been 10 years since my granddad died suddenly, I still am occasionally struck all over again when something reminds me of him; by now it's a happy kind of sad (if that makes any sense), remembering all the great times we had together but missing him.
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    The reason this is hitting you so hard is because of the similarities of it happening to someone you know.

    Your grief will hit you at many different times. I felt I had really dealt with the grief of my moms death and the time I spent with her while she was in hospice, and then my counselor asked me to talk about it with her last week during our session, and omg, it was like it just happened last week. I think mine has so much to do with everything else that happened in my life at the same time that didn't allow me to grieve properly, but I was really surprised at how hard it hit me and how fresh it still felt.
  10. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Karen, your loss is still very recent, too. Grief sometimes lasts a long time.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Despite having lost your Dad earlier in the year - there is a lot going on under the surface that we choose to 'quelch' if you will when it comes to being emotional about loss.

    We certainly wouldn't want anyone to think we "were not" done grieving about our lost parent, so we turn our head, hide our tears, put sunglasses on, look the other way - AND hope to heavens no one sees that we are hurting. It might evoke a hug that we really don't want, or it may have someone think we're weak.

    Truth is - I still cry when I hear a certain song my dad used to hum. It conjures up pictures in my motion picture theater of a head and I see him dancing, goofing off, singing off key and I'm right there - right here WITH him. If even for a brief moment we are together in my mind and it's wonderful. Then the moment hits me and I realize it's just in my head, and it makes me sad. Incredibly sad sometimes - I lost my dad, I can't get him back. What's NOT to be sad about there?

    With your friend I would say that having to see him, hear his story is something you can relate to and while you are relating - the movie projector in YOUR head really sees YOUR Dad, YOUR times with him and now your times without him.

    Is it a part of grieving? Yes. It's okay and it's healthy. Crying is like our steam valve on the kettle of life. You've come a long way from earlier this year. I lost my dad suddenly too, and it made me angry. So many things have happened in 8 years. I swear it was like he KNEW I was away from abusive x and it was okay to go.

    Hugs and kleenex for your day. Don't worry about the DeJaVu feelings - they'll come and go for life. If you see a woman in tears in the grocery store because she heard THe lion sleeps tonight - it's me. Just give me a hug. haha.