hamsterdance
New Member
Title sounds really selfish .. like "yeah, sister got kicked out of house, and we vultures want to poach her stuff."
To be brief.... parents (in their 70's) had to call police to get my adult sister (in her 40's) that's diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia out of the house after she confronted my father and it got physical.
The details are ... well, they're not something I want to go into. She's had opportunities to choose how she deals with her mental condition, and her choices have been to cut back and/or stop taking her medication and downward spiral into passive-aggressive behaviour by threatening people that can't defend themselves (my wheel-chair bound mother) and then blowing up and trying to start fights with people that can (my father).
I think this time around my father realized he's reaching that age where he can't physically restrain and cope with her anymore.
Bottomline is that while they took her back in last time (to which she responded by not taking her medications and downward spiraling) they're not taking her in again. So... that's not part of any question. She's out of the house, and she's never being allowed to come back.
The question is this...
My parents want to give away or throw out all of her stuff. And my brother and I (both in our 40's) are like "um.. that doesn't sound legal. It's ... her stuff. Her property."
My brother and I don't live with our parents. He lives closer and visits more often. I live farther away, but in the same metroplex... and since my sister has spent the past 2 decades burning the bridges between us I basically have given up on her. (I tried helping her a lot in the 00's by giving her money to pay bills and stuff.. and she basically threw any help I gave her back in my face... but, not like maliciously... just like... she had no clue that what she was doing was upsetting. She told me she didn't have enough cash to pay her car insurance, in a town where your car is your life. Ok, I gave her the money to pay that. Next we talk, she got a ticket from a cop for driving without insurance. Um.. what happened to the money that I gave you to pay the insurance? Oh.. she spent it... on dumb stuff. Ok.... well... look, here's some money to go pay that ticket off. I'm at their house one night, and the cops show up with a warrant for her arrest because she didnt' pay the ticket. What happened to that money that I gave you to ... you know what... at this point I don't even bother asking. But, I decide to pay bail for her to get out of jail. It was just a bunch of situations like that... where someone else is constantly bailing her out and she doesn't give a you know what because she didn't have to face consequences; someone else paid for them for her... that drove me away years ago.)
But I digress...
I knew what happened to my sister after a phone call with my dad one day. Ok, she's out of the house for good. Ok.
Fast forward a couple of weeks... I get a call from my mom "hey, we've got some pottery and things that you might want... come on over and we'll give them to you."
I get over there and ... they basically want me to go through my sisters room to pick out
and take it with me before they go through and just trash or sell everything else.
The really crappy thing is I brought my girlfriend / fiance with me... because I thought we were just going to pickup a box of stuff (of THEIRS) they didn't want. And when we get there they're like telling her and me to go through my sister's stuff. I felt so awful putting my girlfriend through that. It was like going to someone's house where someone had died and picking through their stuff. It just felt really disrespectful.
I know my sister is out of the house for good. Fine. Ok.
But... I have no clue what property rights she has.
I think at this point from what my parents went through (wheel-chaired mother was dealing with passive-aggressive threats from my sister and my dad had to get into a wrestling match when she blew up at him), they're both done with her. They just want to wipe away everything and move on. They're just both drained and done and I get that.
But, there's still laws and legality.
And my brother and I are wondering ... should we box the stuff up and just store it or throw some things out or sell it or ... I don't know.
I'm at a loss here.
My sister is currently living at a structured facility ... like a half-way house where they monitor you to make sure you're taking medications and have scheduled activities.
Does that forfeit her right to her stuff?
Honestly, her room looks like an episode of "Hoarders". She kept taking things from around the house and storing them places. She setup little mini-shrines and things to make offerings to the ghosts and angels and what-not that she talks to, she has an area where she's been "casting spells" (I recognize this from when she was doing this stuff in the past). My dad just sees "clutter", but I see every inch of the rooms telling a story of what was going on in her mind. Her hygeine was declining again as she went off her medications, so the smell is very... ugh.
I really want to help my parents clean the room. And I really want to help them organize "trash, goodwill, keep/sell" just as a way to help them move on... but...
I don't have a clue what kind of rights my sister has over any of this stuff she's collected in her room. Some of it is stuff that she bought using money from social security. Some is stuff my mom gave her. I guess I can start separating that way... but eventually if I end up with a pile of "her stuff"... what can be done with it?
I'm sorry this is so long-winded. I guess like others there's a history to tell and in a way this is cathartic.
(to be clear, I'm not looking for "Advice" on what to do with the stuff... I'm really asking if anyone knows the legal rights. She's been living rent-free at home with my parents for like 2 decades. The last time somethign like this happened, she was allowed home and she went on a huge cleaning spree since she was on medication and grounded and level-headed. But, the hoarding / clutter is back... but she won't be back. So... I have no clue, legally, what right we have to sell her stuff or just store it or what. Doctors and police don't exactly tell you this sort of stuff minutia when they're hauling your mentally ill person off. And my dad's too proud to make a post like this to ask, plus he thinks everything under his roof is his anyways. So... I'm stuck acting as a "moderator" trying to defend my sister's rights, if she has any. because as far as my mom and dad are concerned all my sister's stuff can get tossed on a bon fire and burned. They're just really done with her this time.)
To be brief.... parents (in their 70's) had to call police to get my adult sister (in her 40's) that's diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia out of the house after she confronted my father and it got physical.
The details are ... well, they're not something I want to go into. She's had opportunities to choose how she deals with her mental condition, and her choices have been to cut back and/or stop taking her medication and downward spiral into passive-aggressive behaviour by threatening people that can't defend themselves (my wheel-chair bound mother) and then blowing up and trying to start fights with people that can (my father).
I think this time around my father realized he's reaching that age where he can't physically restrain and cope with her anymore.
Bottomline is that while they took her back in last time (to which she responded by not taking her medications and downward spiraling) they're not taking her in again. So... that's not part of any question. She's out of the house, and she's never being allowed to come back.
The question is this...
My parents want to give away or throw out all of her stuff. And my brother and I (both in our 40's) are like "um.. that doesn't sound legal. It's ... her stuff. Her property."
My brother and I don't live with our parents. He lives closer and visits more often. I live farther away, but in the same metroplex... and since my sister has spent the past 2 decades burning the bridges between us I basically have given up on her. (I tried helping her a lot in the 00's by giving her money to pay bills and stuff.. and she basically threw any help I gave her back in my face... but, not like maliciously... just like... she had no clue that what she was doing was upsetting. She told me she didn't have enough cash to pay her car insurance, in a town where your car is your life. Ok, I gave her the money to pay that. Next we talk, she got a ticket from a cop for driving without insurance. Um.. what happened to the money that I gave you to pay the insurance? Oh.. she spent it... on dumb stuff. Ok.... well... look, here's some money to go pay that ticket off. I'm at their house one night, and the cops show up with a warrant for her arrest because she didnt' pay the ticket. What happened to that money that I gave you to ... you know what... at this point I don't even bother asking. But, I decide to pay bail for her to get out of jail. It was just a bunch of situations like that... where someone else is constantly bailing her out and she doesn't give a you know what because she didn't have to face consequences; someone else paid for them for her... that drove me away years ago.)
But I digress...
I knew what happened to my sister after a phone call with my dad one day. Ok, she's out of the house for good. Ok.
Fast forward a couple of weeks... I get a call from my mom "hey, we've got some pottery and things that you might want... come on over and we'll give them to you."
I get over there and ... they basically want me to go through my sisters room to pick out

The really crappy thing is I brought my girlfriend / fiance with me... because I thought we were just going to pickup a box of stuff (of THEIRS) they didn't want. And when we get there they're like telling her and me to go through my sister's stuff. I felt so awful putting my girlfriend through that. It was like going to someone's house where someone had died and picking through their stuff. It just felt really disrespectful.
I know my sister is out of the house for good. Fine. Ok.
But... I have no clue what property rights she has.
I think at this point from what my parents went through (wheel-chaired mother was dealing with passive-aggressive threats from my sister and my dad had to get into a wrestling match when she blew up at him), they're both done with her. They just want to wipe away everything and move on. They're just both drained and done and I get that.
But, there's still laws and legality.
And my brother and I are wondering ... should we box the stuff up and just store it or throw some things out or sell it or ... I don't know.
I'm at a loss here.
My sister is currently living at a structured facility ... like a half-way house where they monitor you to make sure you're taking medications and have scheduled activities.
Does that forfeit her right to her stuff?
Honestly, her room looks like an episode of "Hoarders". She kept taking things from around the house and storing them places. She setup little mini-shrines and things to make offerings to the ghosts and angels and what-not that she talks to, she has an area where she's been "casting spells" (I recognize this from when she was doing this stuff in the past). My dad just sees "clutter", but I see every inch of the rooms telling a story of what was going on in her mind. Her hygeine was declining again as she went off her medications, so the smell is very... ugh.
I really want to help my parents clean the room. And I really want to help them organize "trash, goodwill, keep/sell" just as a way to help them move on... but...
I don't have a clue what kind of rights my sister has over any of this stuff she's collected in her room. Some of it is stuff that she bought using money from social security. Some is stuff my mom gave her. I guess I can start separating that way... but eventually if I end up with a pile of "her stuff"... what can be done with it?
I'm sorry this is so long-winded. I guess like others there's a history to tell and in a way this is cathartic.
(to be clear, I'm not looking for "Advice" on what to do with the stuff... I'm really asking if anyone knows the legal rights. She's been living rent-free at home with my parents for like 2 decades. The last time somethign like this happened, she was allowed home and she went on a huge cleaning spree since she was on medication and grounded and level-headed. But, the hoarding / clutter is back... but she won't be back. So... I have no clue, legally, what right we have to sell her stuff or just store it or what. Doctors and police don't exactly tell you this sort of stuff minutia when they're hauling your mentally ill person off. And my dad's too proud to make a post like this to ask, plus he thinks everything under his roof is his anyways. So... I'm stuck acting as a "moderator" trying to defend my sister's rights, if she has any. because as far as my mom and dad are concerned all my sister's stuff can get tossed on a bon fire and burned. They're just really done with her this time.)