Sister out of house, what rights do we have with her stuff?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hamsterdance, Jul 9, 2017.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    I think it's a great idea to let your parents work through their emotions by de-cluttering your sisters things.

    I am sorry your family has had to go through this. It all sounds very hard.

    They are so lucky to have a daughter like you!
  2. hamsterdance

    hamsterdance New Member

    Well... actually, I'm their son... youngest son.

    I think things were easier for me to work through, because I'm dealing with 40-something siblings and 70-something parents. We're all sort of at the end of our road on this journey.

    Where as other people... they're getting on here and venting before having to get right back to dealing with tweens / teens / 20-somethings / etc living at home with drug issues, mental health issues, etc.. and they're still going through it every day, and don't know when it will end, and it's a nightmare.

    Where as in my parents' situation.. they're done. I got on here venting and seeking advice after a nightmare had already ended.

    Granted... my sister could still be a handful down the road.. but everyone in my family has come to terms with her being someone elses handful. She's had so many chances to do better, have a better life, and she's chosen poorly every time. So, now it's been made clear to her that nobody in the family can help her. It's either halfway houses where she learns to cope and deal and maybe get a work-assistance program to live on her own eventually... or being homeless or in jail.

    Thing is.. the way my sister acts when she's off her medication.. she gets angry, accusatory (paranoia) and violent. So, if she decided that a halfway house wasn't for her and felt like she still knew what was best for herself by striking out on her own, not taking her medicaiton, etc... she'll probably end up in jail.

    When she was living with my parents, I was already expecting a phone call from the cops saying that she murdered them and can I come down to identify the bodies. I don't think jail is a definate prospect in her future, but the odds are heavily leaning towards it if she doesn't take her halfway house / work-assistance program seriously.

    But, what we all figured out was that she wouldn't take things seriously as long as she had a safety net.. as long as she had a house to live in without paying rent, folks to foot her bills, etc, etc... to cover all her responsibilities, so she didn't have to give a you know what... sometimes folks only get better when they realize they're walking the tightrope this time without a net under them.. and if they fall this time.. they're done.

    Maybe my sister will have that wake up call.

    I gave up on my sister a decade ago. I've had my own struggles in life... like working dead-end jobs, then quitting my full time job to go back to college full time (at the age of 40... talk about scary!) I have a girlfriend / soon-to-be-wife, and her family has young kids that we hang out with. A part of me kept telling myself that the reason I need to get a college education to get better jobs is because SOMEONE will need to take care of my sister when my parents die... and I figured it would be me. I was putting this pressure on myself.

    But, my dad told me that my sister is a grown woman.. that hasn't really had a chance to experience the real world or grow up. Sure, she has a mental disorder, but she hasn't taken that seriuosly, because she's always lived with people that dealt with her junk and put up with her. He told me that it wasn't my responsibility to take care of her. It's her own responsibility. And she can choose how she wants to take care of herself now, by either accepting the help the state is giving her, or fending for herself on the streets or going to jail.

    I think I just had to work through a lot over the past couple of days.

    But, I have it easy compared to many others on here... a lot of folks on here are right in the thick of things and wondering how the next year, 5 years, 10 years.. the rest of their life .. will work out with their problem kid/adult.

    I really feel for them.
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Oops sorry "Mr." Hamsterdance!

    Glad your parents have you to look out for them and I do hope that all works out for all and your sister finds her peace also.

    We are at the end of our suffering too as our son is out of our home and doing much better but not off our payroll yet!

    One day at a time and wishing good things to all.