My oldest son has been challenging since birth. He didn't nurse for 4+ months, he screamed constantly, I could never put him down. It wasn't until he got thrown out of his first preschool that I realized he wasn't just "quirky", there had to be other issues at hand. It then took several months for anyone (including my husband) to take me seriously. We've been in therapy for about 2 years now. The main issues are his temper, tantrums, and the viciousness that he presents. It's only present at home. He is not spanked, never been abused, and has never been neglected, though he behaves like a child who has been. In public, he's charming, sweet, inquisitive, and helpful. At home, if things go outside his routine (as has been the case from day one), he flips out and is off for days on end. There's holes in his door, he screams death threats (violent, detailed ones and he doesn't watch TV). There's just this RAGE. He's not on the autism spectrum, he's not ADD/ADHD, but has been identified as having some sensory issues. He's never enough of any one thing to be that, if that makes sense. Recently, my grandfather died, and my father just had surgery the day after burying his dad. I live in a different country from my parents, and this has been really hard on me. I came back from the memorial/dad's hospital day before yesterday and picked up my oldest from my in-laws yesterday. This morning, same old drama, but when I tried to tell my oldest he had done something wrong, he screamed he hated me. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I teared up. And he then proceeded to laugh at me, and tell me he was glad I was upset. He just mocked me, and my pain. I keep hearing from the therapist and my husband that he's picking up on my mood. Screw that. He was like this the second day out of the womb. I've done everything I can to try and help this child, and I am at my wit's end. My mom, who has been doing behavior modification in kids this age for over 15 years can't really help, since she's across the border. I'm tired of this. There are times where I honestly feel like he'd be better off being raised by someone else. He hugs me, and I just feel like recoiling lately. Once, he tried to hug me after a tantrum, and he slapped me in the face instead, laughing about how stupid I was. I don't know what to do and I'm so isolated with this all. No one in my real life would get this, and I feel I would be judged for saying that sometimes, I wish I'd never had children at all. I can't tell him anything without an argument. Everything is an uphill battle, and I'm just so damn tired of it all. Any words of wisdom?