So frustrated with husband

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JJJ, Feb 21, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    husband has been on this huge kick to try all sorts of new specialty beers. Now he is spending time going to 'microbrewery events' that he finds through his online beer group. And now, he wants to start 'trading' beer with the people from these online groups.

    It is illegal to send it through USPS and against policy to ship it through UPS or FedEx. I have thrown as big a fit as I can about this but he is sure it's fine cause his 'sponsor'(aka guy from the internet) into this beer trading group says he works for UPS. He just had a package of UPS labels with a fake company name on it delivered to our house.

    How does he know that the people who he sends the beer to aren't minors???

    I'm so ticked.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oy. If he's looking for microbrews, check local restaurants and bars. There's usually a few that have them.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    He has 100s of bottles now. Heck, I have stopped and gotten some for him when I've been out of town.

    I don't have a problem with him collecting these, my problem is him trying to ship them around the country.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah...that is a problem. I can see how guys, and gals even, would have a fine old time going to the local micro-brewery to have fun. If I liked beer, I think I would enjoy this type of outing. Sounds fun. Maybe they should set up a video chat and everyone get together with their own bottles and have fun that way! Not send them.
  5. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    My late husband was a master brewer and VERY involved in both international and national/local brewers' groups. He NEVER sent beer via carrier of any kind because it is illegal. Instead, he went to events and conferences where different brewers held tastings and exchanged products of their breweries.

    I kind of miss it. I LOVE good beer (especially after living in Germany for nearly eight years), and husband made some darned good beer.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would be LIVID at the fake company labels!!! Having to do this means it is completely ILLEGAL to do it!!! You might consider calling UPS and asking what the penalty is for shipping beer through them. Also call the local/regional ATF and/or DEA office to find out the penalties. Ask husband if it is worth having a felony record - a federal one at that - for doing this. Will his employer fire him for being arrested for a felony? Esp if it is alcohol related? Is it worth all of that to him? If yes, WHY is it so important?

    He likely isn't thinking of it this way and this may open his eye. Also ask if it is OK for him to break the law this way, why is it a problem for Kanga to break the law? he cannot have it both ways, and he is lying by using the fake labels. Just because others are doing it does NOT mean it is okay. For all he knows this guy is a DEA or ATF agent setting up a sting. It is perfectly legal for them to set him up and then arrest him. What would happen to the entire family if he was arrested for this?? Would it jeopardize custody of the kids? Could it be used to say he is providing an unfit or unsafe home for them? That may be a longshot, but it is possible. Then there is the RICO problems - if they can prove your home is being used to sell an illegal substance, they could seize it. Storing it is part of the distribution chain and you don't have to get cash to prove sale. Trade is a form of payment, so accepting a shipment counts as being paid.

    It probably seems like no big deal to him, an opinion fostered by his so called freinds in this group. He isn't seeing the big picture. What would he say about a friend who tried to talk one of your kids into doing something illegal? would he think the person was a true friend?

    Would he stop if you told him you would pour every bottle down the sink when he wasn't home if you found out he did this? If the possible penalties won't deter him, you might consider that type of ultimatum. there is NO way to know if he is shipping to a minor or what laws he is breaking in the states he is shipping to. EVERY state is different and has different penalties.

    I would want to know why it is so important to him to get these different brews that he is willing to go so far as to break the law to do it? It just seems like a huge level of importance, Know what I mean?? Maybe instead you could offer to plan a trip to include stops at several breweries while you take the kids to do something else? Or asking the liquor store to order in a specialty brew. Heck, even pay a relative or friend who is travelling to bring some back (DON"T pack it in checked luggage on a plane - they break).

    I think asking him why it is important enough to actually break the law to get it, and what message that sends to your very impressionable kids, might help him see what he is doing. I am sorry this is such an issue.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    husband has always been one for 'everyone else is doing it without consequence'. Trust me that is a HUGE bone of contention in our house. He is much, much better after all these years of marriage --and when I point out that his thinking in this area bears a striking resemblence to Kanga's, he does usually get it. It is the reason that I do the taxes.

    He hasn't been this pigheaded about doing something illegal in about 6-7 years. If I can convince him that it is illegal, he won't do it. But his 'friends' have him convinced that as long as he doesn't ship through the USPS, it is fine. My research shows it depends 100% on the states involved and that the feds won't get involved without a request from the state, so he would likely not have a consequence; unless, of course, he is shipping to minors -- WHICH HE HAS NO WAY OF KNOWING WHO IS ON THE OTHERSIDE OF THE COMPUTER!!!!!

    His job is safe. His dad owns the company and his cousin had two felony DUIs and wasn't fired for them.

    It isn't that the particular brews are that important. It is that husband is a bit obsessive and this is his new obsession.
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    JJJ, I apologize. I misread your original post and thought your husband was brewing his own beer as opposed to collecting microbrewery beers.

    You are right on the laws. In fact, if you visit some brewery/winery websites that ship products, you will see listings showing what states they can ship to, limits to amounts, etc.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    He is planning on starting his own home brewery. This is the 'research phase'.
  10. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    You might want to call the ATF and ask them about shipping or check the regs on-line. If it is illegal, then you show it to husband and he decides. You seem to be saying that if he has proof it's illegal, he won't do it. As for the fake labels, bad idea. That's fraud and a whole host of other bad ideas. What if a Fedex or UPS employee gets suspicious and has a box opened?

    I don't get the whole beer thing myself. I've been to the Heineken brewery in Amsterdam and the Guinness in Dublin and had to force down about 3 sips at each place. I've probably drunk in my whole 50+ years, the equivalent of one half can of beer total.

    Good luck, it's not like you have all this free time to spend policing husband.
  11. JJJ

    I feel your frustration. My husband has been into speciality beers for years, and he's been into home brewing for around 4 years now. Believe me, it really develops a life of it's own! husband has NEVER shipped beer - and believe me, he would love to ship his beer to his brother in Illinois. His brother has been into home brewing for around 10 years now - and they have quite a competition going.

    Instead of shipping , we host get-togethers where the tasting and testing take place. A lot of our traveling is related somehow to visiting brewers or breweries. I'm not a big fan of beer - but I try to be an enthusiastic participant and hostess. It's funny, the taste for beer must be genetic - my husband and all of his siblings adore beer... I just don't get it. (Their parents weren't into beer at all).

    Welcome to the fellowship of "beer widows"....

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Maybe you print this out and show's a felony in most states. The law is antiquated, but still stands, and a lot of states have reinstated it and will prosecute. He has to keep in mind FEDERAL is a not a slap on the wrist. Mail is Federal.

    If he is a "legal" distributor, manufacturer, Fed-Ex has a liquor agreement statement that he could fill out and ship with them, but he would have to show his credentials.