So frustrated!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Aug 4, 2011.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I'm so sick and tired of the whole process involving finding a placement for difficult child. He's still in the CCIS unit at the psychiatric hospital but they are trying to get him into the Youth Shelter ASAP. DYFS is now involved but they are battling with the CMO about who needs to place him. Just got a call from the CMO supervisor and she was so rude to me. She feels that difficult child doesn't need an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) since he was in one for 4 years and it didn't help him. She thinks that we should just let him come home and use their in home services. been there done that! Their in home services consisted of an in home counselor who came for 2 hours every Sat and then LEFT THE COUNTRY approximately 3 weeks after we started using her. After that they set up a mentor from the Back on Track program. The guy is great and difficult child gets along wonderfully with him but he only comes once every Sunday and they go for a walk for an hour. Walking for an hour a week won't help difficult child with his problems. He needs REAL help and unfortunately the only way I see that happening is by sending him back to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We let him come home in May against our better judgment and it all went downhill pretty much right away! Within 3 weeks he stole his teachers wallet, had some kind of Ponzi scheme set up at school involving trading iPods, iPhones, electronics, etc. He then got expelled from school and stole over $1000 from his uncle. After that we sent him to the partial hospital program where within the first week he stole an iPhone from a staff member and was kicked out of the program. That's when he said he wanted to kill himself and ended up in the psychiatric hospital. When he was released on Monday he stole a cat from the animal shelter and then threatened to KILL me and that leads us right up to the present. Why are these people making it so difficult for me to try to HELP my son? Why are they making me feel like I'm such a horrible parent for doing this? Like I don't feel bad enough already.....URRRRGGGHHHH!
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Does the CMO not understand he has a plot to KILL you and is dangerous enough (by proof of history) to carry through? I agree with you. This is sick. He was in residential treatment for 4 years and it didn't help so, DUH. Why do you think I'm not allowing him home? I would be very frustrated too if I were you. I am so sorry. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you. I hate it when people (professionals) choose not to listen to those that know our difficult child's best (parents). More {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Simple answer:


    The "referring agency" is on the hook for the bill. So therefore, there isn't going to be a reason in the world that is enough for them to fund another Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement.

    They would prefer that you took him home...and if YOU want special treatment....YOU pay for it at any number of "private" uber-expensive facilities.

    Public Residential Treatment Center (RTC) funding is getting harder and harder to secure.

    I'm so sorry you are trapped in this mess.
  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    And now I just got a call from the psychiatric hospital that I have to go to court tomorrow and present my case to a judge. If a judge feels he doesn't need residential then he will be coming home with me! How can then let a child who has threatened to kill his mother come home??? This is a nightmare!
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yep -

    That's the merry-go-round.

    Hospital does not want to be liable - go to DCFS...

    DCFS does not want to be liable - go to the courts...

    Well, guess what? The courts don't want to be liable either!

    What happens if you refuse to take him home or pick him up from where he is?
  6. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I have no idea what will happen if I refuse to bring him home. I really don't know. At this point I will sign over my parental rights if I have to. Enough is enough! He needs serious help!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How long before he is 18? I see he is 17. If he has killed cats. Done all this other stuff. Charge him, charge him charge him. Let the courts deal with him before he comes home to you if that is the only way to keep you safe.
  8. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    What do these people expect me to do? Sleep with one eye open? Or better yet, not sleep at all? difficult child needs 24/7 care. I can't go to work when he's home because I can't leave him alone. I can't go outside 30 feet to water my garden because I can't leave him alone. If I do leave him alone for even a second he goes through our things and looks for things to steal and then lies about it. I am so frustrated and disgusted and want to scream.

    The thing with difficult child is that he is SO manipulative and he's probably got them wrapped right around his little finger. He does what he needs to do while in a facility so he can get out and then comes home and all bets are off. What's it going to take for someone to help me? Is it going to take him slaughtering me in my sleep?? I just can't take it anymore!
  9. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    He just turned 17 in July so he has basically a whole year before he's 18. He's never killed any animals that I know of. He steals and lies and refuses to acknowledge any authority or rules we set for him. When he was admitted to the pshop on Monday he told the nurse he wanted to kill me and has had a plan on how to do it for a long time. I'm sorry but that's pretty serious to me and if I didn't before I definitely feel very unsafe with him in my home now!
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    Have you gotten that order of protection yet? Without it they won't take you seriously and keep trying to send him home. If not already done, go file the request for an order of protection TODAY. Not possible for them to send him home if you have that.
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    What keista said.

    In early June, husband refused to allow O to come home. She's been to the house twice, momentarily, since. It's now been two months.

    I don't see it happening any time soon, either.

    Fact: Your life has been threatened. Fact: There is a younger child in the home. Who will protect him if you are incapacitated? Or asleep?

    I know the feeling, hon. You can't do it. Present your case to the judge - and take every scrap of documentation you can find.


  12. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I have just finished a documented time line of every incident that's happened since he returned home from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in May. I have EVERY email that I have sent to and received from the CMO as well as statements from friends and family who have seen and been involved in the many situations concerning difficult child. I also spoke to his Back on Track mentor who informed me that difficult child has told him numerous times how very angry he is at me. The mentor expressed deep concern after hearing that difficult child threatened to kill me and said that he's very worried about what will happen if difficult child is allowed to return home.

    I am hoping that the judge will read these things and see how much difficult child has deteriorated in only a matter of 8 weeks. I also have the incident report from the police. It says that he had intention to harm me and felt unstable and requested to be brought to the hospital. Also the psychiatrist and his clinician have both recommended residential on every occasion that I have met with them in the last two weeks. That has to count for something right???

    As for the protective order, where do I go to get that? Do I need to go to court? I've never done this before!

    Also, what will happen if I absolutely refuse to allow him back in my home? There has to be some way to get some help!
  13. keista

    keista New Member

    I'm in a different state, but here you just go down to the court clerk and ask to file one, they give you the paperwork and it is filed. I think it becomes effective immediately on a temporary basis until the hearing. I'd start with the county clerk's office and start asking. If you don't succeede getting it all done today, at least you can honestly say in court that you have been trying to figure out how to do it because you REALLY feel you need that extra protection. Keep a record of the calls you made as well as your questions and answers you got and from whom (first and last names and their positions)
  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just a couple of questions.

    One - when he told the phosph he wanted to kill you - did you or they report that to the police?

    Second - for a kiddo that sounds as disturbed as your son, he is on a weird medication combo. When is the last time they did a medication wash at phosph??? Usually kids like this should not be on prozac or SSRI's as they can overstimulate, and have been known in children to cause suicidal and homicidal thoughts.

    In addition he is on Abilify, which can be good to help organize his thoughts, and calm him down - but at this point all it could be doing is taming down the prozac side effects.

    While he is phosph I would suggest that he be put on a mood stabilizer - sometimes our kids need 2 of these. Plus an AP like Abilify or Ripserdal, Seroquel, etc Sometimes the combo of these 3 types of medications can do wonders. If you demand that they do a medication wash, the phosph will need to keep him there longer which will buy you some time.
  15. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    As for the death threat he told the police himself that he wanted to hurt me. I'm not sure if he told them he's had a plot for some time now but I know he definitely expressed the desire to harm me and told them he needed to go back to the hospital because he felt unstable and needed help.

    As for his medications, the psychiatrist just took him off of the Prozac on Wednesday and he's now on Abilify only. I asked her about other medications that might work for him and she said she doubts the medications will have any effect since she feels that 90% of his issues are behavioral. She said the medications will only take the edge off his feelings but without intensive therapy for his behavior he will never stop acting the way he does.

    Also I have a feeling that after tomorrow he won't be in the psychiatric hospital anymore. We are going in front of a judge in the morning to argue where he should go. After what happened, I feel 100% unsafe with him at home, yet everyone thinks I need to take him home anyway. Very frustrating and scary!
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well, he is diagnosis with a mood disorder - so wherever he ends up I would tell them to put him on a mood stabilizer. Sometimes medications can really help...SO many people told me that Matt's issues were 'behavioral' - but they were also chemical imbalances in the brain - and the medications helped to some degree. If you want, you can demand that he be put on a mood stab in phosph - just to see if the Dr is perhaps wrong?

    Good luck tomorrow with the judge - I know it will be really hard - and my thoughts are with you.