So Much For Me Time

[Janna]

Stupid DEX.

Promised the kids up and down he was going to take them Saturday, they could spend the night, and come home Sunday.

I PURPOSELY waited until the last minute to make sure everything was okay, knowing how unreliable he is, to tell the boys.

Know how bad they wanted to go? Not too excited, but I guess something different than here was cool to them.

Well, he just called and cancelled. His tooth hurts. Poor f'ing baby. God, I hate him.

I don't even care about the break. The boys are being just fine. It's just the stinkin' point that he is so unreliable. Such a piece of garbage father. I'm really tired of helping him out with his kids too. Having them call him. Etc. I'm done, he can kiss off.

Loser.

Sorry, just had to get it out.

Janna

 

[Lothlorien]

Sorry to hear that he's dissappointed the kids once again. what a jerk.

Hope you have a great weekend anyway!

 

[Liahona]

Vent away. I think it hurts worse when ex hurts our kids.

 

[Hound dog]

Vent away. I'd have steam coming out of my ears.

(((hugs)))

 

[mightymouse]

I feel for you and your kids. I grew up with a dad like this. It wasn't until I was in therapy for my own MDD that I realized that he was very depressed and self medicating with alchohol (he literally drank himself to death). I see so much of him in myself - minus the alchoholism and I am involved with my children. It took me until I was around 30 to finally understand him and forgive him and forgiving him was the most liberating feeling I have ever had.

My own children have no contact with their fathers and when my daughter asked why her daddy didn't love her I just told her that it wasn't that he didn't love her, he just loves himself more and is more concerned with making himself happy than making anyone else happy. It is the honest to God truth and it has satisfied her without me bad mouthing him too much. She has concluded that it's not about her, he is just selfish, which is also the truth.

I hope most of all that your husband wakes up and realizes what he is doing to his children but if not, I hope that they can one day come to terms with whatever his problem is and forgive him.

 

[Sue C]

Offering you a big cyber hug, Janna! Vent away anytime you need to. I'd be mad at my ex, too, if I were you.

sue

 

[mstang67chic]

So sorry to hear he's being a jerk. I've been on the boy's end of that myself and it sucks. Even when you know what your dad is like, it still sucks. Hugs to you all.

 

[donna723]

Vent away, Janna! been there done that, so I know exactly how you feel! My ex- was just like that with my son! It's been ten years now, and my blood still boils when I think of some of the things he did to that boy! It hurts waaaay more to think of how he hurt my son than it does to think of some of the (awful!) things he did to ME!

:grrr:

And mightymouse, you hit the nail right on the head:

"I just told her that it wasn't that he didn't love her, he just loves himself more and is more concerned with making himself happy than making anyone else happy."

That's it EXACTLY! My ex- was and IS the most selfish, self-centered person on the face of the earth, and nothing or nobody comes before his own self-interests - even his own children! I confess that I couldn't always refrain from bad-mouthing him when I was going through all this when the kids were younger. But I never lied to them about it either. And I never covered for him. Just let him dig his own hole and then fall in to it!

And Janna, some day your kids will probably do exactly what my son did, all on their own! My son is 26 now, and he knows EXACTLY what his father is because he saw it all for himself and he's not stupid! He technically "loves" him because he is still his father, but he sure doesn't LIKE him, not one bit. He has learned to expect nothing from him, and then he's not hurt or disappointed when that's what he gets - nothing! In fact, he even laughs about it sometimes now. And he came to these conclusions all on his own with no help from me. He knows now that it was his fathers' shortcomings, not his own, but it took a long, long time and it hurt a lot along the way! And now, he hardly ever hears from his father, maybe a call on Christmas and his birthday (just for show) and that's it. His father is NOT a part of his life now and he has no one to blame but himself. Too d*mned bad! "You reap what you sow"! If my son had some kind of big news to share, something going on in his life, it wouldn't even occur to him to call his dad! I think, all along, my son has always considered me to be his only parent, and that's pretty much the way it was, and still is! And your kids will probably feel exactly the same way.

 

[Fran]

I'm sorry for the kids and you. What a disappointment.

 

[timer lady]

What a disappointment for your kids!

 

[DazedandConfused]

Ugh! That was my Dad. I was already grown when my parents divorced. My brother is nearly 11 years younger than me, and my Dad would promise to pick him up. Here's my brother literally waiting outside for him and the guy would never show up.

Yeah, he drank, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc, and was a pathetic father, overall. But, don't get your kid's hopes up and then disappoint at the last minute. No excuse for that nonsense.

I'm your boys don't seem too awfully disappointed. Your X is the one missing out.

 

[Janna]

Thanks, everyone. I figured alot of you would understand.

Mighty Mouse, you are so right. That's my DEX. He loves himself more than anyone else. There is always some excuse, always, for why he can't see the kids. We live too far. He can't call all the time, it's long distance (so I let my kids call, on my cell, all weekends when it's free). He told me the other weekend it was my responsibility to remind the kids to call him LOL!. I don't think so. If they ask to call, they're free to, if not, I don't remind them. I won't even be offering for them to call now.

I'm just so tired of the excuses. His sister, the boys' aunt, who used to do so much with them, abandoned them when she got her first boyfriend (at 30 years old). Now married, she never calls, writes, or does anything with them. She spoke to Dylan in May (of 2006) and promised him and easy child a sleepover in July (of 2006). She still hasn't called.

Yeah, I don't much care about the break. I mean, I do, SO and I were really looking forward to it, but it's not like I'm in an emotional distress like I used to be with them. It's just really upsetting my children have to be hurt by such a loser.

Thanks for understanding and allowing me to vent.

Janna

 

[needabreak]

sorry to here .im not married but still talk with kids father and he does it all the time.but i never put the father down.when the kids grow up they can make up there own mind on there father.

 

[amy4129]

What a jerk... among other things.
I'm glad your SO is able to step up and be a special person for the boys.
Amy

 

[flutterbee]

What a jerk.

I know as a mother it's instinct to want to protect your kids and foster relationships between parent and child. I learned a long time ago, though, that my kid's relationship with their fathers was just that - a relationship with their fathers. I quit being the one to try to maintain that relationship. Because I was the only one doing it. My father was only around when it was convenient for him, so I had some personal experience to draw on. As an adult, I've cut him out of my life. First I would only meet him for lunch because it had a designated start and end time. Then, when I'd finally had enough, cut off all contact.

difficult child's father hasn't made any attempt to contact her since she was 3. She will sometimes ask about him and ask why he hates her. It's heartbreaking. I tell her that he doesn't hate her, that he loves her but that he doesn't know how to show love to people. Which is true. And he has no desire to change.

easy child's dad is still in the picture, although there were a couple of years when easy child was a toddler that he wasn't. I stay out of their relationship. easy child feels that his dad's love is conditional and he is pretty guarded around him. He loves his father, but he's always ready to come home after visiting him.

The bottom line is, kids aren't stupid. They're very good at seeing things for what they are. Even when we wish we could protect them from it. I'm sorry your DEX is being a lousy father right now - for you and the boys.

 

[Stella Johnson]

I really feel for the kids. My difficult child has been through this so many times. She actually doesn't even get upset anymore. SHe has become pretty indifferent to him.

Wish their was some way to shake the ex's until their teeth rattle out of their heads so they could see what they are doing.

Steph

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry for the kids and for you-many hugs.