So sad, so tired, so numb...

[totoro]

I am waiting for a return call from our pediatrician... because I know our psychiatrist will not return a call! I have not heard back yet from her office since Sunday!!!

difficult child 1 was doing really well today, I told husband about a 2 hours ago on the phone how good she was doing...

DUH
difficult child 2 started playing a drum, difficult child 1 started elevating, difficult child 2 put on big sisters shoes and was trying to walk in them, difficult child 1 started elevating more, trying to rip them off of her feet. I am doing the dishes trying to stay calm and talk them through this and defuse the situation. They both end up behind my back fighting, difficult child 2 backs off and I am trying to explain to difficult child 1 that it was OK. They were only shoes andshe was not hurting them. "YES SHE WAS!" Started hitting me, kicking me, bitting me. I calmly asked her to please stop and if she needed to to go to her rocking chair, got worse, I asked her to go rock. "NO, you are the worst Mom" "You are horrible" (she doesn't know how to swear yet!!!)
I calmly take her by the hands and lead her to the room with the rocker and tell her she can rock and calm herself down or I am going to have to hold her. SHe attacks me more... tries to slam door on me, so I go and get difficult child 2 to put her in her safe place, while difficult child 1 is scraming and slamming door... come back and in that time she accidentally slammed he rfoot in the closet! Wasn't really hurt, but I think because she was elevated, it scared her. SO now she is sobbing on the floor, trying to get under the bed.
I get her on my lap and wrap her in my arms and tell her it is going to be OK, she starts on how she is horrible and the worst kid, "go on Mommy go on without me, you don't have to play with me anymore, because I am so terrible"
I am telling her I love her and it is OK.
She sobs even harder and starts saying, "I just want to die, I want this life to end" I asked her why, she said "This life is too long, and too hard" :crying:
"please let me die"

I started crying... and told her I didn't want her to go and I needed her, I just squeezed her tight... brought her into the front room and held her on the big soft chair, she is OK now just sad...

I am SO sick of this. I put a call into her pediatrician about 1/2 hour ago... I think they are about to close! I just don't know what to do with this poor kid. I have no where to take her if she gets worse... everyone acts like this is no big deal. But I am getting pretty sick of hearing my 5 yo say she wants to die!
I know my kid, this is not an act. The kid is having auditory halluciations and saying she wants to die, but Mom is not supposed to worry!!! :grrr:

I don't want her locked up I just want a stinking option...

 

[rejectedmom]

Totoro, I have no advice but i wanted to send along a comforting (((HUG))). -RM

 

[DammitJanet]

Hugs Honey...wish I could think of something to do but I cant. You are doing everything you can.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Totoro,

no words of wisdom - sending comfort, strength, and hugs.

Sharon

 

[branbran]

I don't really have any advice, as I never know how to handle my own difficult child properly. Just want to show support and let you know you are not alone. My difficult child is 16 and has been telling she wants to die for years!!! Heartbreaking to say the least. I love her so much and can't bear the thought of how much pain she is in. It is very sad when any child says they want to die. Children are supposed to love life!!! We made these kids, brought them into this cruel world only to see them suffer???? Why??? It is so unfair. I'm still very angry and bitter, (as if you couldn't tell) I want so much to fix my kid!!!!!!

My docs never call back either. How frustrating is that? Don't they realize we are only hanging on by a thread? Don't they care? They don't live with this agony as we do and have no clue how devastating it is to watch our children deteriorate right in front of our eyes!!!!

Sorry about the negativity, feeling pretty down today.

Hope you get your call back before hell freezes over! lol

Keep your head up. :smile:

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Oh honey. I'm tearing up just reading that.

May God wrap that baby in his loving arms to comfort her. And you as well.

:angel:

Hugs, prayers, and good thoughts coming your way. Remember 911 if it gets too bad.

 

[Alisonlg]

Oh sweetie. I teared right up with BBK. :frown: My M is starting up with the "my life is terrible, I just wish I were dead" talk too and it breaks my heart.

I have no helpful advice, but wanted to send along some big hugs.

 

[totoro]

Well no return call from pediatrician... difficult child 1 has cycled back up and back down a couple of times, since. I gave her her pm Abilify and it hasn't touched her. Everytime she amps up she gets difficult child 2 amped as well... I think I may have to give her some diazapam...

 

[Hound dog]

Sounds like my days when T and N were little. Lord, those days were exhausting for everyone.

I'm sorry you didn't get a call back. That really stinks big time. :grrr: If she got really bad and you took her to the ER would they help? (I'm not necessarily talking admit but maybe medication adjust or something to get her stable?) I'm thinking about the holiday weekend coming up.

Poor baby. It's so hard when they're too little to understand. :frown:

I'd give psychiatrist a major piece of my mind when you call them in the morning.

(((hugs)))

 

[flutterbee]

((((HUGS))))

 

[totoro]

The ER here is not able to deal with this kind of thing... no psychiatrists. No knowledge! Even pediatrician said do not go to er.... Next closest one is OK but they are short staffed and are looking for 2 psychiatrists, they told me on the phone try not to come here, the psychiatrist is not available most times.

The one that is "good" in Spokane about 1 1/2 hours or so away is the one that our psychiatrist works with... HA HA She told us they do not have beds, if it is night call ahead of time or you are wasting a trip and she can guarantee us that they do not have room!!! I said what should I do If I have a crisis or emergency? She said I don't know? If it is during the day you could call me....

Pretty lame.
I don't think I will have to do anything like that, I can usually talk her down and pediatrician gave us Valium just for this reason... so who knows. I don't???

 

[Marguerite]

Something I've done in an emergency (you can't do it too often, though) is I send in a fax straight off my computer, via the modem. I basically write a letter, keep it to one page or less, giving a quick summary of the problem and asking a specific question such as "Should I give her some valium"?
That way if the psychiatrist is too busy to call back, or not available in the office, at least the secretary can talk to the psychiatrist and get back to you with the answer. You may only get a 60 second call from the secretary, saying, "Dr S said to give 2 mg of valium now, and if she's still not settled another 2 at bedtime."

Marg

 

[tiredmommy]

Is there any way you could have prn medications prescribed for an emergency? {{{Hugs}}} to you.