So tired....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by mstang67chic, Jun 9, 2008.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I was thinking of you and wondered how things were going with your difficult child and husband. Any progress? Update when you can.

  2. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    MC - Thanks for the shout out. The week started out well - difficult child was more polite than usual. He even made his bed and got to work on time. Things were looking up. Then husband awoke to find empty Mike's hard lemonade bottles in basement. husband asked if difficult child wanted to pack his things now or after work. difficult child did get up and go into work. He didn't come home after work. (Afraid to face the music, I guess) When husband called him about 9pm to find out what his plans were about picking up his stuff (mistake #1) difficult child said he would be right home to "talk" (mistake #2). I was busy getting things ready for easy child's 5th grade graduation the next day and decided I didn't really have anything to discuss with difficult child. I don't need to hear anymore of his lies. husband came to bed after their "talk" I didn't even need to ask. I knew. He will give difficult child "ONE MORE CHANCE" (sigh..) I quoted a lot of advice I had received here. How helping him is really just enabling him. How he may need to get worse before he has the desire to get better. How "one more last chance" just becomes the next opportunity to not change. Again. husband was very sad. He knows I am right, but can't bring himself to throw our son out. I think he keeps thinking that THIS time the kid with "get it" I brought up the suggestion of Alanon. husband said "for me?" He seemed alittle shocked that maybe he has a problem, not just difficult child. I reminded him of when he told me when my behaviors were contributing to the problem (I was unable to detach and kept getting drawn into argueing with difficult child) Told him it was hard to hear at the time, but as I examined the situation I had to admit it was the truth. He said if I thought it would help, and wanted him to go, he would. He truly loves me and would do almost anything for me. He really seemed so sad that he could not follow through with the threat to kick difficult child out. We discussed his family, as many of them also exhibit enabling behaviors with SOs.

    Here is what I told him and how I see it. I have already arrived. I see that my helping of difficult child is only really helping me feel less guitly. It is not really helping difficult child grow into a better person. It has been a long hard road. I have been helped to get to this point by my therapist, my research and reading, and by all your support and wisdom. My husband is still on the road to this spot. I told him "I will just sit here in the shade sipping a cold diet coke waiting for you to arrive....are you going to be long?"

    Till then, I will concentrate on MY life. easy child and I are leaving for a "girls' weekend" in Kentucky at the Kentucy Horse Park. I am looking forward to spending time with her and my sister who will be joining us.

    Again, thanks for thinking of me MC, and for the hugs.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    {{{{{Hugs}}}}} So Tired.
    Sorry that husband wasn't able to follow through with kicking your difficult child out.
    But very glad that you were able to talk things through so clearly.

    Crossing fingers and toes that husband arrives soon, so that you can both get on the same page in dealing with difficult child.

    Have a wonderful time on your girls' weekend with easy child.