Malika
Well-Known Member
are better than others. Tonight was not good. All went reasonably well until J announced before bedtime that he wanted a drink. Having stopped wetting the bed (when he was sleeping on a mattress in my room, so something psychological going on here), he has started again now that he is sleeping in his own room. I wake him up to pee every night before I go to bed but even so he generally wets the bed again - just does not wake up himself to pee. So I am obviously not keen for him to drink before bed time. He wouldn't accept the no, just rushed to the fridge and started trying to get the juice (which immediately gets me feeling cross). I try valiantly, I think, to consult and negotiate with him, trying to find solutions - it is of course too late as he is already tired and in meltdown mode. Things went from bad to worse and he started kicking and hitting me. I just don't feel this is acceptable any more, I really don't feel that it is not that he cannot control himself - he controls himself with all other adults... I'm afraid I gave him a slap on the side of the head. I don't want to do it, don't like doing it... just could not see in the moment how else to get him to understand the boundary. I am not prepared to be kicked and hit, and what if he continues doing this, when he gets bigger and stronger?? He started saying all the things about not wanting to live with me any more, not wanting children when he was grown up (curiously, interestingly). We kind of extricated ourselves from it and managed a reasonably friendly bedtime. He told me in bed that he doesn't want to go to school any more as the teacher punishes him all the time and today pushed him to the ground. Is this true?? Could be, but I thought we had all that sorted out and she wasn't punishing him any more. But of course he's so difficult at times (compared to most other kids) and he just seems like a regular turbulent little boy so... He said he doesn't want to go to any school as they would all punish him. Is this what it is going to be like??
Of course I feel rather wretched and hypocritical. But I really do want this hitting and kicking of me to stop and now... I am perfectly aware that using violence to teach that violence is wrong is absurd and full of holes... But. We have to get this sorted out. Apart from our stuff, there are also problems at school. I know they all find him difficult, even if sweet. He is just so larger than life, so strong-willed, so intense and forceful... Anyone would find him a handful. And this gets harder as he gets bigger, of course. Meantime, without self-pity, I feel completely alone with it - the psychiatrist who was supposed to get in touch after the evaluation still hasn't done so, weeks down the line, and no-one else is offering anything concrete.
I don't know whether today was really a bad day at school or just an average day that was no big deal. If I ask the teacher she would either give me the brush-off or say that things were fine.
Sorry, rant over. Not feeling happy with myself but I cannot accept the vision of me continuing to be kicked and hit by an ever-bigger boy...
Of course I feel rather wretched and hypocritical. But I really do want this hitting and kicking of me to stop and now... I am perfectly aware that using violence to teach that violence is wrong is absurd and full of holes... But. We have to get this sorted out. Apart from our stuff, there are also problems at school. I know they all find him difficult, even if sweet. He is just so larger than life, so strong-willed, so intense and forceful... Anyone would find him a handful. And this gets harder as he gets bigger, of course. Meantime, without self-pity, I feel completely alone with it - the psychiatrist who was supposed to get in touch after the evaluation still hasn't done so, weeks down the line, and no-one else is offering anything concrete.
I don't know whether today was really a bad day at school or just an average day that was no big deal. If I ask the teacher she would either give me the brush-off or say that things were fine.
Sorry, rant over. Not feeling happy with myself but I cannot accept the vision of me continuing to be kicked and hit by an ever-bigger boy...