SOMETIMES I THINK I AM GOING CRAZY

[formyson]

HELLO EVERYONE. I AM A NEW MEMBER. MY SON IS 7 YRS OLD AND RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER, ALONG WITH ODD. IT WAS ACTUALLY THE ODD WHICH GOT MY AND EVERYONE ELSES ATTENTION. HE IS IN THE FIRST GRADE, SUSPENDED 12 DAYS. THE SCHOOL BASICALLY SAID, EITHER FINISH 1ST GRADE BY HOME SCHOOLING OR HE WILL BE EXPELLED. SO, THE LAST 4 WEEKS OF SCHOOL HE HAS COMPLETED AT HOME. I TOOK HIM TO A PSYCHIATRIST, PSYCHOLOGIST, PEDIATRICIAN... THUS THE ABOVE DIAGNOSIS. I HAVE STARTED HIM ON DEPEKOTE, AND ADDERALL. I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES THE MEDICATION MIGHT BE MAKING HIM WORSE. HIS TEMPER TANTRUMS COME ON LIKE ALMOST OUT OF THE BLUE. I FEEL SO EXHAUSTED BY HAVING TO STAND MY GROUND. ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE ARE TIMES AND DAYS WHERE HE IS AS GOOD AS GOLD, SO PLEASANT TO BE WITH. THATS WHEN I KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, HE IS A GREAT KID.
I AM SCARED. SOMETIMES I WANT TO TAKE HIM TO HIS DAD AND SAY "HERE YA GO! YOUR TURN!", BUT HIS FATHER HAS EITHER BORDERLINE PERSONALITY, OR BIPOLAR DISEASE, PLUS HE IS AN ALCOHLIC WITH A DR JECKELL/MR HYDE PERSONALITY. NOT EXACTLY THE BEST ROLE MODEL.
I WAS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION AND ON medications FOR ABOUT 3YRS, AND BEFORE MY SON HAD THIS TROUBLE I WAS ACTUALLY FEELING PRETTY DARN GOOD. SO, I TOOK MYSELF OFF THE medications. NOW I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO GET BACK ON THEM. I HAVE NO LIFE. EVERY MINUTE IS SPENT WITH MY SON, EXCEPT WHEN I WORK.
CAN ANYONE GIVE MY SUGGESTIONS ON WHERE I GO FROM HERE? I WANT TO START HIM BACK IN REGULAR SCHOOL FOR 2ND GRADE, BUT I AM AFRAID HE WILL HAVE PROBLEMS AGAIN. SHOULD I GET INTO SOME FAMILY THERAPY OR SOMETHING MORE SPECIFIC TO HIS PROBLEM? SHOULD I ASK THE SCHOOL FOR HELP OR TAKE A WAIT AND SEE ATTITUDE? I APPRECIATE ANY KIND OF ADVICE. THANK YOU ALL.

 

[Hound dog]

Welcome to the board formyson.

I'm so glad you found us, and sorry you needed to.

Since dad is either bipolar or borderline, has your son been evaled for either of these disorders? If dad is bipolar it is very possible it could have been passed on to your son.

If you want to start your difficult child (gift from God) back in regular school I suggest you go to the school and start the process to get an IEP. If it were me, I wouldn't take the wait and see attitude. Odds are difficult child's behavior isn't going to drastically change overnight. You both need help now.

If you haven't read the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, you might want to get it. Many parents here have been helped alot by it.

If you feel difficult child's medications might be making his behavior worse you should talk to the psychiatrist about perhaps changing the medications. However, if difficult child's symptoms happen to be actually early onset bipolar instead of ADHD and ODD, the medications probably wouldn't do him much good.

Is there anyway you can get a break from difficult child? Would someone watch him for a short time, even an hour to give you some quiet time for yourself? Setting a bedtime for mine was my lifesaver. Sometimes even a long hot bath or quiet walk can do wonders.

If you feel going back on medications is what you need, you certainly won't be the first parent to feel that way. Many of us have had to help ourselves to feel better in order to better cope with our difficult children.

Again, welcome. Others will be along with more input and advice.

((hugs))

 

[waytootired]

I agree with Daisylover...my thought is that if dad is bipolar than it's very, very possible your difficult child is too. It is hard to diagnose at an early age but early onset bipolar is a real possibility....just something to think about.

My difficult child's psychatrist was hesitent to say bipolar because of his age(9 yrs. at the time) he would just say he had a mood disorder. But he is taking biploar medications and doing really well. I read the book,"The Bipolar Child" and Man.....it is all about my son. Diagnonsis can be tricky....I do not in anyway think I can diagnose other peoples children, but a second opinion might make you feel better.

There are quite a few of us moms on this forum who are helped by medication....we can't take care of our kids if we are losing it ourselves.

 

[smallworld]

Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

You have already received good advice. As the others mentioned, with the family history of bipolar disorder and depression, there's a good chance you're looking at something beyond ADHD and ODD (possibly something along the mood disorder spectrum -- anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder). While Depakote is a mood stabilizer that treats bipolar disorder, Adderall is a stimulant that can make kids with mood issues far, far worse. In fact, Depakote frequently cannot counter the bad side effects of Adderall. And Depakote is not the right mood stabilizer for every child. My kids became more irritable (depressed) on high doses of Depakote, and at low doses, Depakote didn't do anything for them. What are the doses of Adderall and Depakote your difficult child is taking?

I agree with Lisa that if you feel the medications are making things worse, you need to communicate that to the psychiatrist (psychiatrist). Be persistent. Keeping a daily log of behaviors and triggers can help the psychiatrist see how bad it really is.

Is this a public school your difficult child is attending? If so, school officials are violating your child's right to a free and appropriate public education (FAPE). The right to FAPE guarantees that children cannot be told to be homeschooled because of behavior problems or expelled. You should be starting the IEP process. If the current placement is not appropriate to handle his issues, then the school will be required to find an appropriate placement where he can be educated. If you need more information about how to start the IEP process, you should post under the Special Education 101 board here, and the moderators will help you out.

Again, welcome and good luck.

 

[Wiped Out]

Just popping into add my welcome. Nothing new to add to what the others have suggested. I'm glad you found us as you will find much support here.

 

[Sheila]

Hi formyson:

In that your ex may have bipolar disorder, and difficult child has been prescribed depakote and Adderall, I'd get difficult child a psychiatrist specializing in children to handle medications.

Your school district is not doing their job. The Special Education Archives that will give you an overview of yours and your child's education rights.

I strongly recommend that you send the sd a parent referral letter to get the sd evaluation process started. You'll have time after you send the letter to learn more about the process -- the process takes a while. It's very, very important to send the letter via Certified Mail as it kicks in mandated timelines within which the sd must perform and also kicks in protections for your son.

Welcome aboard.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi and welcome. You've gotten good advice. If there is bipolar in the family, well, it's very hereditary, has a strong ODD component, and the doctor must be thinking of it to prescribe Depakote. I have a form of bipolar. I'm thinking that the Adderrall could be working against the Depakote. Even with co-morbid ADHD, mood disordered kids often get worse on any form of ADHD medication, and since the rages come from the mood disorder/ODD behavior, many just live with ADHD and try to get rid of the more violent, dangerous behaviors. Adderrall made my kid nuts, and he isn't even mood disordered. Maybe you need another opinion on medications or talk to psychiatrist about the Adderrall.

 

[Alisonlg]

Just wanted to pop in and say "welcome" and second what everyone else has said. Definitely, if you think the medications are making him worse, say something. Psychiatry is not an exact science and it will probably take some tweaking over time to get the combination right. YOU are your childs best and only advocate.

And certainly, if you feel it's time for you to go back on medications, then there's nothing wrong with that. Parenting a challenging child is nothing short of that...challenging! It's physically and emotionally exhausting. And you know what they say..."if mama ain't happy, nobody happy!" LOL So, don't forget to take care of yourself. ::::

 

[guest3]

you are not alone.

PLUS HE IS AN ALCOHLIC WITH A DR JECKELL/MR HYDE PERSONALITY. NOT EXACTLY THE BEST ROLE MODEL.

Hmmmfff sounds like my d/h, yet he will not admitt to having a problem.

I know this is easier said then done but do something for yourself.

I finally watched 2 movies this weekend I had been dying to see and as small as that may be it made me feel better.

Also exercise and diet help em so much althought this past weekend I oinked my way through a cart full of junk food, I know when I feel worst is when I need to eat best and move move move

You've come to the right place, welcome.

 

[formyson]

FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO SAY TO EVERYONE, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!". I CRIED WHEN I READ ALL THE CARING AND HELPFUL RESPONSES. I THINK I FINALLY JOINED THE RIGHT WEB SITE, SUPPORT GROUP.
I BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE READ IN RESPONSE TO MY NOTE, THAT I NEED TO GET THE PROCESS STARTED IN EVALUATING MY SON FOR NEXT SCHOOL YEAR. I SPOKE WITH THE PRINCIPAL TODAY TO SEE WHAT I NEED TO DO FOR NEXT SCHOOL YEAR, LIKE IS THERE A PLAN? HE SAID THAT HE WAS HAPPY WE HAD FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH THE SEEING THE PSYCHIATRIST, WAS GETTING MY SON STARTED ON medications, AND FINISHED THE INDEPENDENT STUDY. HE SAID MY SON WILL DEFINATELY HAVE A PLACE IN SECOND GRADE FOR THE NEXT SCHOOL YEAR, BUT WHAT I AM NOT HEARING IS FOR ANY SPECIFIC PLAN TO ALLOW FOR MY SON'S SPECIAL NEEDS. AND WITH THAT ALL SAID I WILL TAKE THE ADVICE GIVEN TO ME AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR MY SON'S WELL BEING.
MY OTHER QUESTION IS TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE A BIPOLAR CHILD OR HAVE BIPOLAR THEMSELVES. MY SON'S FATHER HAS NEVER BEEN OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISEASE. I THINK AFTER READING AND RESEARCH THAT HE IS MORE BORDERLINE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM OR MY SON EXHIBIT ANY SIGNS OF DEPRESSION. AFTER WE SEPERATED, I HAD TO GO TO A SHELTER WITH MY KIDS FOR VICTMS OF ABUSE. IT WAS AT THE SHELTER WHERE AFTER LEARNING THAT IT "WASNT MY FAULT" I STARTED READING AND INVESTIGATING ALL THE POSSIBLE REASONS MY EX WAS THE WAY HE IS. COULD SOMEONE ELABORATE A LITTLE ON THEIR EXPERIENCES? MY SON'S DEFIANCE IS ALITTLE SCAREY SOMETIMES, HOWEVER I REFUSE TO BE INTIMIDATED. I WANT TO HELP HIM. BUT HOW? WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BORDERLINE AND BIPOLAR? MY EX HAS A SON FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP WHO IS NOW 15YRS OLD. I KNOW WHEN THIS HALF BROTHER WAS MY SON'S AGE, HE WAS SO VIOLENT TO THE TEACHERS THAT HE DISLOCATED ONE TEACHER'S SHOULDER. HAD TO BE PUT IN A SPECIAL SCHOOL. I DON'T WANT MY SON TO GET TO THAT EXTREME. PLEASE COULD SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME INSIGHT?

 

[smallworld]

As Sheila (who is a co-moderator of the Special Education 101 forum on this board) suggested, you need to send a letter CERTIFIED MAIL to start the school evaluation process. See her links above. in my humble opinion, you can't just talk to this principal and expect help. He doesn't seem to understand that he has no say in guaranteeing your son a place in 2nd grade next year. He has to take your son (if you live within the school's boundaries). If this school can't handle your son's behavior, then an appropriate placement needs to be found through the IEP process. I certainly wouldn't take a wait-and-see attitude. You need to protect the rights of your son now.

In order for your son to be diagnosed properly, he needs to have evaluations by both a child psychiatrist and a neuropsychologist. There is no way we, as lay people, can tell you exactly what's going on with your son over the internet. We can just make suggetsions for directions you should pursue based on our own experiences.

 

[flutterbee]

Borderline Personality Disorder is just that - a personality disorder. It is not a medical disorder, in that it's not chemically or medically based. It's a pattern of behavior that becomes learned, usually because of trauma at a young age. It is probably initiated as a coping mechanism, but becomes learned behavior. There are no medications for Borderline (BPD) specifically, other than to treat symptoms and any comorbid conditions.

Borderlines tend to see things as either black or white. There is no gray. They tend to be manipulative, impulsive and are prone to rages - sometimes extreme. They will do almost anything to avoid abandonment - real or perceived. Of course, each person is different - some with Borderline (BPD) are very high functioning and only in interpersonal relationships is the disorder evident, while some are low functioning and have a hard time maintaining a "normal" life, such as holding a job, etc.

Bipolar Disorder is a medical disorder marked by highs (mania) and lows (depression). Mania can look different for different people. Some indicators of mania are aggression, agitation, quick to anger, overly animated (going a mile a minute), feeling like one is on top of the world (for example, not only is one a good chef, he/she is the BEST chef in the world - becomes a firm belief while manic), paranoia, impulsive, etc. Some people have psychotic episodes with their mania. For example, I knew a guy who, when manic, went into great detail about how he worked for the Time Travel Unit of the Army. He was very intelligent and talked about this in great detail. He became very belligerent when questioned about this. Once he was stabilized, he said he was embarrassed by how stupid he sounded. Bipolar Disorder is treated with mood stabilizers and sometimes antidepressants (but never antidepressants alone - the person is stabilized on mood stabilizers prior to adding an antidepressant).

Personality disorders are generally not diagnosis'd (diagnosed) until a person is 18.

by the way, Borderline (BPD) and BiPolar (BP) look a lot alike and can only be diagnosis'd by a psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist.

 

[Babbs]

<<hugs>> To find your way here and open up means you've been hip deep at least in combat for a while and are to be commended for surviving. It sounds like you've had some good advice posted already regarding medications and your legal rights regarding the school district. A few words that may help you further...

1. Educate yourself. Read everything you can get your hands on. Question it all. Read both sides of every debate there is on AD/HD and then you'll begin to have more tools to be able to make appropriate decisions for yourself and your family. Because when it comes down to it - to use medication, to go to counseling, to use a behavior program, to litigate a school district - it all depends on what's important to your family. And the only person who can make those choices and decisions are you and your family.

2. Find yourself support. Make sure to take care of yourself first and foremost. Remember when you fly on an airplane, the stewardesses tell you to put your oxygen mask on before helping others. Finding the boards is a great first step.

3. See #2.

4. Educate your family and friends so that they are better able to provide #2.

The best of luck to you, it sounds like you've been a warrior woman and have a long battle in front of you for this coming school year. Find yourself a good advocate to help support you.

Babbs