New Member
My son is 8 years old and needs help. I dont know where to start. What started with focus issues at school has become more of a behavior problem. At first I was against medicating but the school complained that he was being rude and disruptive. So I caved. Since then he has mostly been on adderral. Currently he is on Adderral, Abilify, Clonodine, Tenex.

The most pressing issue is he seems to have uncontrollable rage. Almost like some kind of rage attack. At school he is ok and doing well but once home and around his sisters he falls apart. My wife cannot handle him and I can barely. Now the doctor wants to give him prozac because she suspects he might be having anxiety.

I am not a big fan of being medicated and the stuff scares the crap out of me. HOWEVER I myself suffer from anxiety/panic disorder and am on prozac. NOW the real fun. My parents want him off all the medication...my wife wants him on it...whichever side I choose it ends up a mess.

If I had to make a choice it would be to remove him from this home and go back to square one. Our marriage has been failing for sometime and this could play a role. While we do not fight we are just very different people. I think maybe taking a break from things is the right way to go because this just is not healthy for anyone. OR maybe getting a second opinion?

I will add that both he and myself see a therapist, psychiatrist. My wife at a minimum suffers from depression and even when not 'depressed' is not the nurturing type of mother.

Sorry for the rant but I am totally lost.


Well-Known Member
Hi there. Welcome to the board, but sorry you had to be here. Was your child like this from the start? I am not big on early and often medicating either, although I did it (I'm sorry I got into the stimulant thing so early). For my son, which has nothing to do with YOUR son, it didn't help. In fact, he got aggressive, something he had never been before. So we quit. Prozac, for MY son was a disaster and again we quit. He is better off medication. But, then, he also was not in trouble at school. If you feel medications are helping, continue them but if you don't, you may want to see how it goes without them. It's a hard parental decision!

Your son is you and wife's child and in my opinion only your parents should not hold weight in what you do. Ultimately, if you divorce, most likely you will both get shared legal custody which means you will both have to come up with your own decision and your parents will not have a say, as grandparents are considered "third parties." My son just went through a divorce and I learned. Actually, wife could get legal custody easily as her behavior problems will not play into the judge's decision and women are favored. If she does, you will not have any say at all. I'm not trying to tell you not to divorce, just that divorcing will not necessarily do anything positive for your son. In fact, it is very stressful for any child. Don't expect it to change him for the better, at least not for a long time.

My very first thought is that your son's behavior is extreme and perhaps he first should get an evaluation beyond a pediatrician (diagnosing children's disorders is not their field). I prefer neuropsychs, but there are psychiatrists and developmental pediatricians too. Usually we find, after a trial of trying typical parenting, our kids just don't respond to that because their brains may be wired differently. It most likely is not either your fault or your wife's fault.

Glad you found us, but so sorry you had to and sorry for your hurting heart.
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Well-Known Member
Welcome, I'm sorry you had to find us.

First off, I'm going to have our site owner contact you about changing your user name as I suspect it may identify you and your family. We want you to remain anonymous for the privacy of your son and your family.

Medication and kids is a difficult issue. Add in a struggling marriage and grandparents that voice their opinions and you can have a real mess on your hands. Your job (and your wife's) is to look out for the best interests of your son. I'm not saying this is the case for your family but often time their will be extended family does not help the situation when they become involved with the decision making. We all bring preconceived notions to the table when presented with a problem, so the fewer extra decision makers, is generally better. This is a decision solely to be made jointly by you and your wife under the guidance of competent medical professionals; your parents ( and your son's school) have no place at the table. By the way, it's illegal in the US for public school's to require behavior changing medication as a condition of attendance.

I'm working off the thought that medications have been layered on one after another to help control lingering or emergent behaviors. One thing you may not be aware of is that Adderall can have a side effect of making the patient feel angry or edgy. That's not necessarily the case in your son but it is worth looking into, in my opinion. Also, I'm not anti-medication but I do worry when a doctor keeps adding new medications because the original medications just may not be effective for the child. If I were you (and I am not) I would ask about doing a medication wash (a controlled stoppage of medications under a doctor's care) and a re-evaluation of your son's symptoms so that everyone knows if they are treating a disorder or a side effect of a medication.


New Member
Thank you both for the replies. I changed my username. On the family issues, we are trying not to divorce as we do not think this will help him. We only use separation as an idea because he seems to be better away from home. My wife and I are trying to work things out. Typical story of marrying the first woman I had sex with. However she has a good heart and we are both trying to make this a healthy family. My parents will be upset but they will respect our decision. However I still feel torn as I can understand both arguments for and not medicating.

Interesting about being illegal in the US to force a child to use medicine. The school was the one who "suggested" we medicate him. My wife has followed all the right procedures here. Evaluations with the school and doctors but good point.

I think I am certainly leaning toward a second opinion. Problem is getting an appointment with these people is difficult.

Thanks for your support!


Well-Known Member
Welcome, Poobah. Glad you've gotten some good responses so far.
I feel for you.
I agree, stay together for the moment, as long as you're not at one another's throats. :)
I do not like the long list of medications that your son is on. Too many medications, none working, waste of money, potentially dangerous. Too hard to tell which one is working. It is so hard to find a psychiatrist who will really, really take a good history and go slowly with-medications.
Go back in time and make a timeline, together with-your wife, and write down when you first noticed behavior issues with-your son. Then write down the first medication, the second one, etc. and the symptoms.
You will probably see that some didn't really work. Adding to the list when one or two aren't working is sheer laziness on the part of the psychiatric. (Sorry, this really ticks me off.)
Do you have any mental illness or Asperger's or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or anything on either sides of the family? Don't worry about an accurate diagnosis--look for alcoholism, school drop outs, depression, etc.
Your wife has anxiety ... what is her family history? Cousins, aunts, etc?
Ignore your inlaws, by the way. You've got enough problems with-your marriage. :)
Yes, find a new psychiatrist now. NOW. Many of the medications used on your child are not supposed to be used for kids that young. Prozac is one of my least favorite for kids, just in my humble opinion.
Welcome. Stay on board with us. You are not alone.


Well-Known Member
P.S. when your child rages, observe any triggers. Too much light? Noise? Scratchy clothing? Transitions from one room or activity to another? Frustration figuring out a game? Fatigue? Low blood sugar? Just some ideas. You can change the environment to suit these things.