Star - how was it?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Steely, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thinking of you today Star.............and am dying to know how it went. Update us when you can.
    Big hugs!:sunny:
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Ditto what Steely said!!!!!
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Hope it went as well as could be, Star, and that you are holding up.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Thanks so much -

    I hope everyone is doing okay - and about court -

    ARGH - I got up at 3:30 AM for WHAT???

    I want to tell you that there is NO way I would ever do what everyone (caseworker, his boss, their shrink) suggested - and let Dude do this on his own - and do you want to know WHY? ARGH!!! Not only do we not know what we are doing NEITHER does the court

    We got up at 3:30 - The foster dad dropped dude off at 3:45 Am (rules - he can't stay with us for a month - stupid but a rule) So we all get dressed, I made french toast - everyone really too upset to eat and we leave.

    We drive into downtown Greenville SC - at 7:00 it's busy like NY city. Mapquest is redundant and lacks the ability to get you around the block - DF is still having trouble focusing (medications for pain) and Dude is in the back seat with a Walkman - so I'm navigating, DF is trying to help and we find it - okay so now I want a cup of coffee. Go to IHOP (only place open) and get nasty coffee (note to self - pack your thermos next trip with your own coffee)

    We get to the court house at 8:15 - and there is NO ONE there - we were told to get there at 8:30 and there isn't one person there. Doors are locked. I'm in panic mode thinking - I have not found the right place. Caseworker shows up - okay some people are showing up - but they are dressed in jeans, dirty shoes, hair not brushed, t shirts - and we're standing there in business suits = Dude in an old donated suit (too big but didn't want the courts to think a foster kid had money for a suit) so he looked like he was in his dads suit. (Kinda funny - but the pants were too small - lol and the shoes were too small and the coat was too big. Dude laughed and said he was like Goldilocks and the three bears - then he said the tie I bought him was JUST RIGHT. (and winked)

    Finally they open the doors and everyone that was dressed like they were going to some street fight pushed in behind us and ran - YES RAN to the metal detectors while we waited for some 100 year old retiree to answer our questions about where is courtroom 8 -

    We get in line (so angry - we were there forever and now we are like last in line) so we snagged the elevator up to the 3rd floor - and got there about 4th or 5th. I bit my tongue because there was this woman in sandals, too tight red pants and a silver shirt (really? In the day time) and she had already gone in but got there late - smirking (I wanted to spit) it was like - Yeah I got their first I beat you- (whatever) You would have to live here to understand that despite having a son who allegedly committed a crime since we were dressed nice - we were "not in" with the courtroom gang. Thank God for that. I've never seen such level for disrespect in a courtroom in my life -

    So we handed this stern and seemingly in charge, but not a talker - woman Dudes card. She said WHO IS YOUR ATTORNEY and we said - we were told just to come here and then see about getting an atty. Then she shrieks YOU Don't HAVE an attorney? And I twisted up my face and said "Your boss told us to show up here and THEN see about getting an atty." and again she says "SO do you or DO YOU NOT have an attorney?" I said NO. and she said "Have a seat". (I used my laser vision to peel her lips off and threw them in the trash can)

    So we sat there while the court filled up and it was awful - women dressed like hookers with skirts so short if they sneezed you would see their butt. 4" spaghetti strapped, clear heel shoes, no one but Dude and his family and caseworker were in a suit - oh one other lady - she was in her 60's - scared out of her mind. ( people just kept pouring in with hats on - tennis shoes - and jeans - flip flops - smelling of dope and booze - AMAZING - one man brought a baby - (Must have been trying to avoid going to jail) - the bailiff told him that he could either call someone BEFORE court to come get the child or if he was jailed - they would put the child in DSS custody - (duh)

    So this blond, perky woman (Barbie) stands there with like 14 other women from various attorneys offices, in suits and men in suits and court reporters and the place is buzzing - the contrast between those that were working there and those in the courtroom was astounding. Dude is so nervous (my knees were knocking) but I kept cool for Dude - and Barbie turns around and while she's talking to someone she does her hands in like a clap (as in children CHILDREN) lets be quiet now and listen to what I have to say.

    I thought - OH GOD we are NOT going to get along -if she claps for me - I may do a trick. Then she calls Dudes name and amazingly to my surprise IS TOTALLY NICE. She was SO understanding was upset that the public defenders office had also given us improper news - but was so nice to Dude, the caseworker - she was the solicitors investigator. (Very important person) and she said that she DID get the letter and it explains a LOT - and thanked me for it - then said we had to get an attorney IRREGARDLESS of if they drop the charges or not. Because legally it has to be the PD that talks to the solicitor NOT me and not Dude. But then added not to worry - they just have to do this.

    Then she asked why we didn't go there first - and I showed her my phone notes - time, date conversation NAME of person I spoke with twice, and told her what the PD office told us -court first, then if they say get a PD -and added also that PD office ALWAYS makes mistakes like that - it makes it sould like we could get Dude off with just my letter and she said noooo they HAVE TO BY LAW investigate the case and look into evidence - they never just dismiss it (which oddly made me feel better) So off to indigent defense and more waiting - because as I said before we were NOT the first people called in court - we were NOT going to be the first into the PD office.

    So we went down to the PD office and met yet another man who had NO idea what he was doing, but wanted to get his sarcastic attitude across first and foremost. (Oh good someone to exchange material with) and said for us to go BACK up to the court and talk to the solicitor, wait until our name was called - and I cut him off and said that the solicitors secretary sent us down. He was sucha jerk. He said "Well they are ALWAYS making mistakes like that." - and I cut him off again and said 'Funny that's exactly what SHE said about YOUR office," (the fun ended there) and I have her name written down - showed him and he said "OH why didn't you say so?" and I said "I did." To which he said he only needed to talk to Dude. And flipped his hands for us to have a seat.

    When the questions got complex - he looked at me and the cw and said to Dude "You understand? Don't Understand????" and Dude called me over - I explained that he has some learning and comprehension problems, didn't get it - and so then this man started talking slower and I said 'He's disabled, NOT retarded and no matter how slow you speak he's not understanding - that's why we're up here in the first place. ARGH.

    So short ending - Dude filled out paperwork, I paid the $40.00, he'll call in 3 days to find out who his atty is, speak to him and while I was standing at the window I took my phone notes out again and said "I wanted YOU to see my notes from three separate conversations -repeated back to Mr. P for accuracy in content. I have already been asked to send the solicitors office a copy. The man stood there stunned. Dude wont get a court date until August or Sept. In the mean time - it's up to the Public defender and the solicitor and Dude to decide if they have enough evidence (a liars statement) to prosecute.

    So that's what I know -
    BUT.......(saga continues)

    When we left the court and were walking back to the car garage - Dude saw the kid that lied about the incident and the old man from the group home - They were trying to waive him down - and we left. I said to Dude 'I have nothing to say to him - do you? and Dude said NOPE.

    _That kid told us he'd already been to court so either he lied......or was thinking he had to be there to testify against Dude - or both. I told DF on the way out - I swear if he had said another lie about Dude - I'd BE in jail today. I would have smacked him right in the mouth. So whatever "gem" of wisdom they wanted to share - they can kiss it.
    We left....Stopped at a Cracker barrel --LOVE it. And Dude finally started talking and cutting up (the kid I love) and seemed to breathe a little easier.

    He was MOST happy that he did nottake our advice and shave beard, or moustache - and solicitor told him to "be himself" and don't worry about shaving like Mom said . ARGH. Mom, therapist, dad - everyone. Needs to look like a Hardy boy - not a street thug. He DID (to our amazement) leave the gigantic cubic zirconia earrings and chains at home. (So there is always hope)

    Hope all is well where you are - oh and I'll tell ya - before we walked INTO that courtroom = I had a silent moment and gathered you all up in spirit in the hallway - Thanks so much for being with us today. Once again the power of the warrior Moms was victorious - and it kept me from pulling smirking boy out of the compact (no seriously I think had he opened his mouth I would have shut it for him) all of this because he lied about what they were doing that night.

    Thanks again all
    Hugs & love
    Star and -

    I wanted to say thankyou to all the people who sent their support for me today. Dude

  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Ugh! August or September? So in the meantime, where is he? I must have missed that part.

    I'm glad that you (as usual) had your act together. It's the only way to make it through!
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Wow. was........ah.........what about..........hmmm.

    Wow. *shaking head*

    But hey, he left the bling at home!


    Here's to a spring and summer filled with disciplinary actions, firing's and resignations of all of the snotty, snarky stupid people.

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Am I the only one so inexperienced I didn't follow much of that???

    So? Does this mean that Dude gets to stay in foster home til summer, or does pd and such still have to decide all that???

  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    good for you STar. You made it. I have been in that courtroom also and it is just as you described. However you make it so much more interesting talking about it. You are so funny. thanks for your sense of humor. all the best and we are here.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Nope, Lisa. I'm confused too. Not surprising as it sounds like the entire juvenile justice system there is confused as well.
  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    If typical, he stays in foster care until the next hearing and the next and the next. Juvenile decisions are rarely decided quickly. Continuances are the norm and, until a hearing is held, the status quo usually stands -- barring a court order signed by the judge stating the juvenile must be taken into custody immediately.

    Star, as confusing as it sounds, things sound really promising. The solicitor's investigator's recommendation carries a lot of weight. If she says things sounds bogus, that this was the fault of poor supervision by the group home and a pack of lies, then the odds are high that there will be no charges. Just make sure that if that happens that everything is expunged from Dude's records. The PD should be able to do that.

    (Used to be GAL back home and have gone through this merry-go-round many a time for my kids.)

    It really does sound good. Way To Go on stopping the clerks from being their egotistical, bullying selves!
  11. NOLA

    NOLA New Member

    Star -- After reading that I felt as if we were right there with you - I could even feel the uncomfortable chairs/bench :) Things are just as you described down here in our juvenile court; right down to the pleasant attendants. It's like they are told to be as unfriendly and miserable looking as can be while dealing with parents. I absolutely loved when you stood up to that one in particular.

    Hang in there & hopefully things will go your way.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    But what about "there is no place for Dude"? Wasn't that what they were saying when they put him in the foster home from h*ll? Wasn't it the only place that could/would take him?

    I swear, that group is so full of it.
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sounds like you handled it very well... did you get lost in ye ole Cracker Barrel??? Talk about your sensory overload... Try to take a day to relax before you start back in it!!!
    I hope when you get PD they will fully understand the complexity of all of this...
  14. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Star - I think mapquest drove you to my city because because I think I have seen those same outfits and heard those same remarks when I was in court with my difficult child. I am not a snob or have any extra money, we are just a working family, but boy was I shocked at how people dressed and acted in a court setting too.

    Okay so now the waiting begins again (always hated that part). Crossing fingers, toes etc that Dude keeps on track, gets a job and can go back into court in the Fall and they can see how he is doing so good.

    I know this is serious, but I do have to say when you said he left the bling at home, I had to laugh. I actually could picture the court room and you, husband and Dude being there.

    Sending hugs because I know it was hard yesterday.
  15. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Well, you made it through the day! I wish I could have been the "fly on the wall" to see you putting those folks in their place! How sad that they seem to be on a power trip and get their kicks out of giving people a hard time. It's stressful enough and confusing enough going to court without them making it even worse.

    Our little old county court house is a half block from my house and very closely resembles the one in "To Kill a Mockingbird", complete with balconies. I seem to be in a perpetual jury duty pool and I've been totally shocked to see how some of the people come dressed. Most look like they just came from work and are decently dressed, but I've seen a few ... I'll never forget one young woman who showed up for jury selection dressed in dirty, stained, ratty looking pink terry cloth short shorts and matching tank top - and flip flops! Then she went up to the balcony, sat in the first row, and put her feet up on the railing! Pure class, that one!

    And that's just for jury duty! I've seen them come in looking like that if they're going to court as the defendant! You wouldn't believe some of them that show up for traffic court! A few look like they just rolled out of bed, or like they tore themselves away from their keg party long enough to show up in court! Common sense should tell you that they will look at you in a better light if you at least attempt to show a little respect for the court and don't show up looking like a bum!

    They finally put a little sign on the door that says no shorts, tank tops or flip flops in the court room.
  16. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Wow, your court is more interesting than ours ever is.

  17. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Thanks for the very, very descriptive and sorry, humorous update!!! I'm glad yesterday is over for you, Dude and DF!!!

    As of today, I haven't experienced the absolute pleasure of court. If things keep going as they're going, I'm sure I'll have the pleasure of accompanying difficult child 1 before too long...

    As I'm totally inexperienced here, (I only hope I can remain naive in this area), where is Dude going to be staying until court???

    Anyway, you are one of the best :warrior: moms!!! I'm totally impressed by how prepared you were!!! Dude is so LUCKY to have you on his side!!! I hope meowbunny is right and the charges are dropped!!!

    Hope you have much, much better coffee today!!! WFEN
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sounds like a typical day in court around here! Haha - I'm glad you were able to hold it all together (not like we'd expect anything less from you, Star) and that Dude was quiet and respectful.

    It stinks this will drag out till late summer early fall, but who knows what will transpite between now and then?

  19. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    So, while it sounds promising, you get to wait until Aug/Sept to be able to let this go...lucky you. I was in municipal court with my dear son (the places they take us) and it was very similar. People without lawyers were directed to line up to speak with the prosecutor and down grade charges so they would plea, we were herded into the court room cuz we had a lawyer...but he wasn't there yet. It was weird, I resisted the urge to take my son's picture, he looked so good in the new suit he asked for for his birthday (forward thinking). Most were dressed as you said and oh yeah, while waiting in the lobby area we would see people find long lost friends there...not being snobby...I might be in that crowd with my 9 yo difficult child. To quote Suess, "Oh the places you'll go" My lawyer did say at this level they really are trying to help the kids (mine was 20) and having active parenty involvement meant alot. I will have you and Dude in my thoughts for common sense and compassion to prevail.
  20. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Star - Thanks for sharing. I really loved the part about your phone notes. Way To Go! It sure shows the importance of documentation AND in making sure you get everyone's name for reference. You really did your homework!