Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
The weirdest thing happened when difficult child was driving difficult child to school one day this week. He asked husband why he didn't have any Black cousins. When husband reminded him of the fact that he didn't because he was adopted (something we have talked about tons) he looked totally surprised.

About two weeks ago we increased his Topomax-could this be some of the cognitive dulling I've read about? I'm not necessarily surprised by the question but am surprised that husband said he looked surprised to know he was adopted. He often asks for his adoption story so I'm really confused here.


Well-Known Member
He may be becoming more keenly aware of race. I imagine he's heard a lot about African-American history this month and he's started to wonder about things. It may never have occurred to him that he wouldn't have black cousins.


New Member
I am not sure about your son's situation with taking Topamax, but I was taking Topamax for Migraine prevention. I became incredibly forgetful of the most SIMPLE things. I would be driving in my truck and forget where I was supposed to be going. I ALWAYS forgot where I put my car keys down at home (more than usual). I would type an email or have a conversation and the most common words would escape me. Supposedly it is one of the side affects of the medication, and I felt the side effects get worse as the dose went up. It was nothing that was detrimental, just frustrating. Just my personal experience with the medication.



New Member
That's strange, Sharon.

Don't know much about Topomax. Dylan was on it only a short time, and well, it just wasn't for him.

Hope you sort it out. That's worrisome.




New Member
Maybe there is something that he is not understanding about being adopted-- some connection to what it really means. There is a girl in my son's class who is adopted, she is from China. I forgot the exact comment, but he didn't understand that she had a Chinese birthmother. And we have gone over adoption alot. Perhaps we take too much for granted in terms of what they really understand.

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

Whether the medication or not, most adopted children have a need to "connect" with their adoptive family. When there is a racial mix, if you will, our children struggle to identify....

I think that quite possibly your difficult child is trying to understand where he "fits" into the family. Working out his sense of self.

We're not working with any of those problems yet I see kt & wm looking for any & every type of connection within our family. They seek out ways in which we are alike...

Does this make sense to you?

house of cards

New Member

It is a funny world we live in. My sister also did foster care and adopted and in our family, we do have AA cousins. I wish that the media would occasionally represent transracial families in commercials and TV shows. Is he getting forgetful about other things?

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Thanks everyone. I agree some of it is just probably his ability to totally grasp the whole adoption thing. He knows he has a birthmother-but apparently doesn't grasp the whole part of what that means in terms of race. We talk about race and that whole part doesn't surprise me given the interracial adoption. Also he is functioning at a much younger level emotionally then his chronological age.

That said, I do think I'll be calling the psychiatrist. The weird thing to me was that he acted like he didn't know he was adopted-that was strange because we talk about it a lot. He doesn't seem to remember much lately but I don't know if some of it is selective or if it is due to the topomax-I'll call the psychiatrist tomorrow.

Thanks again for your responses-they are much appreciated.


Former desparate mom
I wonder if he had a "light bulb" moment. I know every once in a while something we had talked about finally clicked. They got it. He may have finally put adoption in perspective of what it means ( at his age level). Sort of like his field of vision went from him and his keyhole perspective of the world to understanding the implication with a wider view.
Just a thought.