Stupid box. I opened it, thought it was a box of taxes - Instead H & Matt pics fell out. Pics of when Matt was still a precious pumpkin. H hugging Matt when she was happy and married. Her husband, T, Matt's Uncle, hugging and playing with Matt. My dad. All of them gone - except Matt - but in so many ways he is too. OMG - I feel like death. I didn't even know I had those pics. My "former precious kiddo" spent the day yesterday in a total rage. I have no idea how he, me, and 3 dogs (2 that don't get along) are going to fit in my 2 door Jeep and drive 20 hours to Washington without killing each other. And I don't know why he still rages uncontrollably at 20. I feel like I am losing him too - if he doesn't get his medications on track I feel like something bad is going to happen. Or maybe it is not his medications, maybe he is just always going to be triggered and rage. I wish words could explain this sadness. It is a gut tangling, relentless, loss. Please pretzel that I can get through these last 7 days of moving - calmly, sanely, and without incident. This totally sucks.