Taking the bull by it's horns.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jan 8, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    or it's time to get a life & make some kind of decision here.

    kt & wm are both very reactive to their visits together - the aftermath is becoming too much to handle; here & at group home. We are backing down on those for the time being.

    Close to home, kt has been an outrageous, smart mouthed, & vile child. In home therapist has witnessed this acting out toward me. The sad part is that I'm tolerating it of late. Physically & emotionally, I really just don't have the energy to deal with it - so I don't. I don't demand respect or apologies out of kt; I just walk away. It deflates kt so she moves to a higher level.

    As an "out of control" child flounders because the adult(s) in her life cannot control her, she will take control anyway she can. That's what's been happening with kt.

    As the primary caretaker & kt's "mom" - the center of her family universe - all of this is directed at me. I cannot/will not engage in power struggles I cannot win.

    psychiatrist has been pushing for out of home placement for kt until I'm in a better place, physically, to handle her. I'm holding off on that option because treatment is coming up & I may need that option for the upcoming treatment as it promises to be physically taxing.

    psychiatrist continues to push for out of home placement - the same type that wm is in - to allow me to coparent kt there. psychiatrist does not want kt to end up back in Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    What's interesting is that kt, for the first time, is sitting on her antics until she is alone with me. She's no dummy - she's using my illness. I always thought kt was the twin with a bit of empathy & caring in her.

    therapist's disagree with psychiatrist & the decision process begins.

    After 2 weeks of consideration the only thing I've decided is that not deciding is also a decision. There are days I really hate GFGdom.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Linda, I'm sorry for your pain. I agree that not deciding is also a decision, but sometimes it's the right decision in the interim until another path clearly becomes the right one to take. You always do what is best for your family. I'm sure this time will be no exception. Hugs to you.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Linda, I agree with Smallworld on this. If wait and see is your decision, then that's the right one right now.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I couldn't agree more - a decision to not make a decision is a decision. Catchy!

    Another way of looking at this Linda is to say you are eliminating the 'should' factor. You are taking your time to decide which is ultimately preventing your mind from thinking you 'should' have done anything differently.

    Don't ever have a should moment - go with your decision. You know if you feel healthy enough to deal with it - and yes, their little non-empathetic, rat in a maze brains see to target the weak ones, the tired, the run-down ones. Often I referred to myself in therapy as the elderly gazelle - the one the lion went for after tiring it out for so long. And they do it because they possess that power to do so -

    When the time is right to make a different decision - you will.

  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm sorry, Linda.

    Gfgdom :censored2: with a high output sump pump.

    Many, many hugs. And yes, not deciding now is a decision...stick with it for now.
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Hugs, so tough to deal with this. I concur that no decision at this time is a good decision to go with.

  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs-I too agree that at this time it's o.k. not to make a decision right now.
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I love you ladies - you all know me so well. Yesterday was a general PITA. I had no less than 7 phone calls regarding staffing kt (they are having trouble finding PCAs); additionally, there is more pressure to see her placed in a treatment home so I can heal.

    husband, on the other hand, doesn't see the need for this - he's agitated beyond belief. However, he won't take on the phone calls or some of the therapist/psychiatrist appts. Mostly because of his new job & lack of PTO & such. He's pitching in here - but it's still pretty much "dad" stuff.

    The man hasn't learned to be a mom yet :surprise:! Go figure. He's forgotten all that I do on a daily basis.

    I get the impression (from the 7 voicemails I haven't yet listened to on my cell phone) that there is a good deal of discussion going on behind my back. I know it's all well intended.

    This issue is going to be forced & soon. :crazy2: