Hello to all, The tears were flowing today but not for what you might think. I haven't been on recently. Just had to vent today. Background info: 31 yr. old son, difficult child has chosen to be on the streets for the past four years. Addictive tendencies, struggled in school, mild learning disabilities, diagnosed with ADD in the 2nd grade...started smoking at 16 and has chosen to follow that road that leads to drug use of varying kinds. Left group places to help rehab, refuses to see that he needs help with addiction and I believe some mental health issues (one being really bad anxiety) I continue to learn about the detachment and taking my emotion out of interaction with my son---that us a difficult thing to do...if I don't then I would be a mess. Over the four years he has moved to multiple states, when things get difficult or he has burned bridges with shelters and places that help, where he is at. So yesterday, Christmas Day, I get a call, (let it go to voicemail), that he wanted to ask a question...I knew what that meant. I texted him, and he wanted to know if we could send a small amount of money. He and his girlfriend (total story for another saga) decided to yet again leave. They have been 30 minutes away from where we live off and on. My husband decided that we would send him more $$ than he asked for. At this point it helps take the feeling of guilt away, even though we have done everything in our power to help, guide, teach how to be a successful member of society. We would have used the money to get things he needs for living "out there". After wiring the money to him and talking to him on the phone....I stood there in husband arms and the tears just started. I realized the tears are not for not begin able to fix him or change his situation,he has to want to change. The tears are for the loss of his potential in life, his soul is so lost in the world, loss of the vision I/we had the day he was born. Loss of the relationship that could have been/should have been. Mourning the loss of his spirit of life that he had as a child. He is so far away, in a manner of speaking, that I don't truly know if he can find his way back. I am thankful for this forum. Knowing there are parents of adult children that are on similar journeys helps because I know I am not alone. What has surprised me is knowing how many of us are on this journey. Thank you to everyone for being there and truly understanding and being supportive. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Carol B.