Temple Grandin's book, Unwritten Rules

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I love this book! I have marked nearly every page. Oh, how I wish I had read it when difficult child was 2.
    It's called Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. They are both autistic/Aspies but they view and react to things very differently. Sean seems more like my son--very reactive, very emotional.
    Some of the things in the book I have done naturally, and some would never have occurred to me so I will put them into place.
    One thing my son does a lot, is when he says the wrong thing, he immediately goes into denial and anger, and says, "I was just kidding!"
    I told him that saying mean things like that and then saying you're just kidding is passive-aggressive.
    He has no idea what that really is but he knows it's a negative.
    I will use different words with-him.
    Also, Temple pointed out that with-a lot of kids, saying, "I love you as a person but do not love your actions" is way too abstract a concept for Aspies. I totally agree. It's something they will not "get" until they are much older.

    Please wish me luck--I want to get my husband to read this from cover to cover!

    Right now I'm in MN, visiting my dad, so I can't try out any of these new things until next wk.
    I want our child psychologist to read it, too. He is very good, but I think this book would be helpful for him, nonetheless. I don't think we can ever learn too much about this topic.

    I am SO proud of Temple and Sean for overcoming so much of their autistic problems. They call it "coming out." LOL! They have offered an invaluable, priceless gift to the rest of us, by being able to analyze their issues and thought patterns, and then put them into book format and lectures. This is so exciting.

    I know I have written about Temple b4, but I feel like a kid in a candy shop at the moment. I just can't get enough of it!
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Terry, I just finished reading this book about a month ago and I too found it very insightful and helpful. My husband is reading it now.

    It's funny...my Aspie-ness is very much the same way that Temple describes her own. Since Little easy child's Aspie traits are much like this as well, I've always had a pretty good feel for what makes him tick and what works well for him, since they are generally the same things that work for me.

    difficult child, on the other hand, is much more closely aligned to the way Sean describes his thought patterns. I had always struggled to "get inside difficult child's head", and this helped me to understand him so much better.

    I highly recommend it!

  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, in that sense you're lucky. with-me, the whole thing was alien.
    I'm glad you liked the book, too.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    My stepsister has had correspondence with Temple. They've even spoken a few times on the telephone. She doesn't live all that far from us. She is truly amazing.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    She and her mother did so much to help me understand my son and our life. I haven't read this book. Temple's first two books were eye opening. Her mom's book, I think it's called "Stones In My Pocket" was a big help also.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow, I did not know Temple had another book out. I must go get it. She inspired me way back in the day, with her first book, and I have read part of her second. My sister got to attend a seminar she did with her mother. H. was inspired, as I know I would be if got to meet her. I will pick this book ASAP, as well as Stones In Her Pocket.
    I think, like The Explosive Child, Temple's book are a must read for all parents here.
    Thanks Terry.
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Thanks for posting this. I have to put this on my must read list!!! difficult child 2 is extremely passive aggressive. Along with zillions of other things, I need to find a way to make him understand how negative his passive aggressive behavior is.

    Thanks again. WFEN
  8. PorcupineWhisperer

    PorcupineWhisperer New Member

    I'm going to have to give this a read. Thanks for the tip! :)