E is very very depressed today. He has been crying most of the day and he is not a crier. He is always more just here, angry, manic, but not crying even when he is sad sometimes. Today he was the worst since before his hospitalization as far as mood goes. He has been very irritable and depressed all day. He was first crying for over an hour because he wanted $5 and my mother would not give it to him. He was throwing things downstairs, drew on H the little girl my mother watches with a marker (Thankfully it was a washable one, but this still made H very upset). I had to carry his 85 lb. body up a whole flight of steep stairs from my mother's to my apt. That was not easy! Then he came up, slammed his door and fussed for about another half hour. Then he calmed down, went downstairs took the hose and filled up my mother's porch with water while my sister from VT was visiting. She yelled at E, my brother said to him "What are you retarded"? I hate it when people talk to him like that. It really makes me very mad and upset, but I did not speak to my brother about it as much as I wanted to. Then I took him upstairs and he fussed again for about an hour. Then he was out front and ran down the sidewalk way further than I told him too, when I told him to stop he did not listen and kept going. I made him come upstairs. He cried big tears for about another hour or more. He smelled like pee. He peed himself 3x today. I made him take a bath. During his bath he refused to wash himself unless I let him go out front. He refused to stand up so I could wash him unless I let him go out front. He began throwing wet towels at me, dumping cups of water on the floor, throwing the clean towels on the floor, hitting me really hard, and crying again. It took him about an 1 1/2 hours to stop crying. He hit me a couple more times right when he got out of the bath and he was still naked. The dog got very upset and bit his belly. No puncture marks, just more like scratched him with her teeth. E cried and cried. I had him lay in my bed where the A.C is with me. We stayed for about 45 more minutes of constant crying. I thought he was done and asleep so I covered him up and walked away. He came out less than 2 minutes later so he was not asleep. Then he asked if he could go outside again. I let him and he is okay for these past few minutes. He hit me several times today. Hit and kicked the puppy several times too. I had to restrain his body twice. He destroyed a beautiful paper butterfly his sister N made at her summer program today ripping it into peices which I am going to try to tape back together, threw many chairs across the kitchen, dumped a whole cup of juice all over the floor, ripped other papers, etc. I called the psychiatrist and was very glad when she answered the phone. I told her how he has been very depressed today... the worst depression since before his hospitalization, and how he is aggressive more than usual today, and very irritable. She told me it is all a coincidence. That Tenex should not do that according to her computer and research. I told her I think it is the Tenex. She wants me to give it a couple more days and see how he is on Friday then call her back. I hate the thought of seeing him like this for 2 more days. My heart breaks watching him like this. Has anyone else's child had depressive symptoms from Tenex? I know that E misses his Daddy who is still in the psychiatric hospital, but knowing my son I really think this Tenex is causing his depression. I have come to realize that I may have to get rid of my puppy who is the first dog I ever loved as much as her. I can't keep her if she is going to hurt my little man. My husband said I should just put her in another room and close the door when I know E is going to act up. I don't know, but something is telling me not to keep her and that breaks my heart. The lesson that keeps ringing in my head is that I should not have tried to search for better. My son was doing pretty good, which was good enough for me and I should have left him alone and not ask for the Tenex trying to make him into a perfect child that the school wants, which my son will never be. He is who he is and I accept him that way. The school is never happy with him and always questioning why he is on this medication, why he is not on that one, etc. I figured trying something for his ADHD symptoms that was not a stimulant would be a good idea, but it seems to be making him worse. I should not try to fix what is not broken. I have learned to leave good enough alone next time. I am praying that the psychiatrist is right... maybe it is some kind of odd coincidence, but my heart is telling me it is this medication. I am praying and hoping for a better day tomorrow. My heart breaks seeing him this way.