MommaTried24
Member
My son text me this morning. First time in over 6 months. He was in jail for 5 of those months and he's been out for a month. No contact whatsoever before that for quite some time. Haven't seen him in person in nearly 4 years. His text was this:
Is there any places hiring and any cheap places to rent around there right now?
That's it. After all this time? Really? It was right when I got to work too and walked into several problems so it was good I didn't have time to respond. Needless to say it upset me and it took me a while to calm down but I was proud I didn't react like I used to. As a matter of fact, I never responded and he never text again. Now what? We wait. Either for the other shoe to drop or for him to finally get it. I'm so wore out with it and I've done it alone for far too long.
All of the things I could have said or suggested have already been said and suggested so many times. Yet, the guilt of knowing you can't help them when you want to so bad is the hardest part. I must make him become self sufficient on his own. He's 28 years old and does nothing with his life but stays obsessed with getting a truck and driving on a license he's never, ever obtained. He's never medically been allowed to have a driver's license. A license that's also has been revoked for years. He may very well be to the point he can never have one he's been caught driving so many times. Like pouring gas on a fire, the epilepsy will only get worse and not better with him drinking too. Thankfully he's had only one DUI in 2017. None of his arrests while driving and/or getting jail time has involved any alcohol since then. That's shocking to me but I'm grateful.
My one friend said it's like beating a dead horse trying. I say like a broken record. But still, deep down inside you feel guilty because you're scared to not try again. I've made it clear, rehab is a mandatory and a halfway house would help him find his way. His insurance would pay for it too but he refuses. He just wants me to find or buy him a place to live so he can be alone (he can't get along with anybody) and still drink. He also smokes cigarettes and that combined with alcohol and epilepsy is asking for a seizure or passed out with a cigarette in his hand. I will not facilitate that. Then I think but what if that's all he needs? Yes, and what if he gets drunk and dies of a seizure in his sleep? Or gets arrested for driving again then then I'm stuck with a lease or figuring out what to do with his stuff? I just really am so sick of it.
This is the hardest thing in life I've ever had to do. That's even including years of epilepsy and a brain surgery. He is my only child and it just makes it that much harder. I don't understand why God has put us all in these positions. I feel defeated too often because of it. Thank you for letting me share. It's been a hard day.
Is there any places hiring and any cheap places to rent around there right now?
That's it. After all this time? Really? It was right when I got to work too and walked into several problems so it was good I didn't have time to respond. Needless to say it upset me and it took me a while to calm down but I was proud I didn't react like I used to. As a matter of fact, I never responded and he never text again. Now what? We wait. Either for the other shoe to drop or for him to finally get it. I'm so wore out with it and I've done it alone for far too long.
All of the things I could have said or suggested have already been said and suggested so many times. Yet, the guilt of knowing you can't help them when you want to so bad is the hardest part. I must make him become self sufficient on his own. He's 28 years old and does nothing with his life but stays obsessed with getting a truck and driving on a license he's never, ever obtained. He's never medically been allowed to have a driver's license. A license that's also has been revoked for years. He may very well be to the point he can never have one he's been caught driving so many times. Like pouring gas on a fire, the epilepsy will only get worse and not better with him drinking too. Thankfully he's had only one DUI in 2017. None of his arrests while driving and/or getting jail time has involved any alcohol since then. That's shocking to me but I'm grateful.
My one friend said it's like beating a dead horse trying. I say like a broken record. But still, deep down inside you feel guilty because you're scared to not try again. I've made it clear, rehab is a mandatory and a halfway house would help him find his way. His insurance would pay for it too but he refuses. He just wants me to find or buy him a place to live so he can be alone (he can't get along with anybody) and still drink. He also smokes cigarettes and that combined with alcohol and epilepsy is asking for a seizure or passed out with a cigarette in his hand. I will not facilitate that. Then I think but what if that's all he needs? Yes, and what if he gets drunk and dies of a seizure in his sleep? Or gets arrested for driving again then then I'm stuck with a lease or figuring out what to do with his stuff? I just really am so sick of it.
This is the hardest thing in life I've ever had to do. That's even including years of epilepsy and a brain surgery. He is my only child and it just makes it that much harder. I don't understand why God has put us all in these positions. I feel defeated too often because of it. Thank you for letting me share. It's been a hard day.
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That text was a test from him to you seeking a response. If he had gotten one he knew you were hooked and he could attempt further texts asking for money or a place to stay at your home. As you said you have told him about places before so he knows what’s around in your area. My daughter has done similar things with me starting a conversation off with, so you like the room now that I am not there? What did you do with it? Right there is an opening of her hoping we will say she can come back if she wants. They are so sneaky aren’t they? When we had our blinders on we could not see the manipulation but oh, do we see it now! 
I keep using the, the want their cake and eat it too. So okay Mom your part in my life is to feed my addictions and give me a place to stay. Anything else in my life you are not a part of and you will let me do as I want, bring strangers to your house, keep you worried and unsettled each day. I find joy in your unhappiness. As an example when my Gizmo died, we put her to sleep, when my husband came back home with an empty blanket, some fur and her paw prints. I immediately lost it, wailed like I never have in my life! He had to get to work even though he did not want too. Just me and my daughter, she comes out of her bedroom and yells at me to stop! she was trying to sleep and had to be at work soon. I was shocked! Told her to leave me alone! She then says….awwww look at you, crying fake tears…your so fake. If there ever was a moment that I could of physically hurt her badly, this was it! Instead I screamed for her to leave me alone! I could not think or have the strength to argue because of my grief. This! is what they are truly about, their own agenda and not a care in the world about us. My daughter did nothing to help around the house, even asked her to mow the lawn, she saw how we struggled and finally had to buy an expensive ride on mower. Then! she says she would help mow the law. H*ll no! Not touching an expensive thing you will ruin. Unfortunately we have to remember the bad they did to us in order to keep strong. We deserve this so much, we are still good parents with open arms waiting should they choose to help themselves and respect us. 
I grew up in a home affected by alcohol, my Dad. When he was not home was pure bliss, weekends and evenings I retreated to my bedroom and hid only coming out for the bathroom or something to eat. So I do understand how much torture this can be for both you and him. It tends to run through down the family line as my grandfather too was a hard alcohol, alcoholic. His was so bad that most days he had a second home out in the shed so drunk by the time he came inside he would fight and hit his wife. My sister for awhile was drinking everyday but then stopped for fear of health issues. I drink at times but am so violently against it because of my past but my husband at times will get me so mad such as at the BBQ he had too much.
