The blame game

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by shellyd67, Oct 15, 2010.

  1. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I am just sick and tired of difficult child blaming everything on me ! I know have posted about this before but I am over the top with his nonsense !

    I spent the majority of my evening sitting on the back deck crying while husband reprimanded him and "tried" to explain that he needs to take more responsibility for his actions.

    He is like talking to a brick wall and has an answer for EVERYTHING !

    Difficult does not even do him justice.

    I was so upset last night I actually blurted out " you are on your own kid !"

    He acts as if he is my equal and that he knows everything there is know about life.

    Just venting ..... :(
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Hi Shelly,

    I'm sorry it was a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" night (credit: Judith Viorst).

    Whenever my kids act up, I have some mantras that I try to repeat inside my head:

    "He doesn't want to feel this way."

    "It's the illness talking."

    "Children do well when they can" (credit: Ross Greene).

    Speaking of whom, have you read or re-read The Explosive Child lately? Greene provides a very insightful look at the mindset of "our" kids and how to parent them so it's less frustrating and challenging.

    I know your husband means well, but I'm not sure lecturing your son about taking more responsibility for his actions is going to change much. I think your son needs two parents who are going to work with him, not against him.

    Hang in there, Shelly. Today is a new day.
  3. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    I hear ya Shelly! They know EVERYTHING! What kinds of things are you referring to that he won't take responsibility for and is all your fault? Maybe we can brainstorm some things together. And yes, SW is right - today is a new day.
  4. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    @ Smallworld, I will take your advice and read "The Explosive Child" I did do some good following the techniques. I was just a bad night but today is much better.

    @ Jules, it seems that difficult child doesn't have to bring any books home to study or read, he knows everything there is to know LOL.... He did apologize to me today for being so defiant though. So were moving in the right direction today. He just "doesn't get" things sometimes. He thinks that studying is optional and that a D is a "good grade". Let me stress that we do not push difficult child with studying and grades we only encourage but he doesn't care. He is a pretty bright kid very advanced in Math and is a whiz of a speller but his reading comprehension is poor so we do not force him to do optional reading groups at school.

    He has been much better lately, maturing a little, just a bad moment and I do feel bad for saying what I said.

    Today is a new day !:D
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Shelly. I remember those days.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    What smallworld said. I'm really glad today is better. Hugs of understanding.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    We're the parents, EVERYTHING is our fault. /end sarcasm
    Mine does the blame thing, too. I look at it as training for when she's a teen. :S Maybe I'll be lucky and she'll have it out of her system before the hormones kick in. And maybe I'll win the lottery.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    It is so awful when "nothing" is their fault!!! I think you and husband need to be on the same page. In addition to "The Explosive Child", try "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Fay and Cline. It is great for helping with things like this.

    L&L is an amazing resource, and is one that a lot of the dads seem to "get" and be able to use. A big part of the challenge of raising a difficult child is getting on the same page with your partner so that difficult child cannot triangulate. So using methods you both "get" is a HUGE help. My husband was a huge problem as far as parenting Wiz up to the time I made him read Parenting with L&L. It was a real "lightbulb" moment when he realized what the book was saying, and that it was stuff he could actually DO.

    I hope things get better soon, and stay better!!