Mattsmom277
Active Member
I keep thinking lately of that kids song, The Cheese Stands Alone. I just need to vent. In general I'm just so OVER people. Not ALL people. But more people than not. Ugh!
So I was made painfully aware during my recent issues dealing with police following my bio fathers confession to me about his 40+ year of terrorizing via sexual abuses, that people cannot often be relied upon to be there for me when the chips are down. Didn't have anyone step up to attend my police interview as a support, the phone didn't ring (and still hasn't) with inquiries of how it went, or even just to say "thinking of you" or any of that type of thing. The very women who sought me out at this later stage of my life to know me for the first time, the "family" who suddenly wanted me in the bosom of the folds, the women who wanted to appease their guilty feelings for not speaking up when I was a teen and attempted to charge this monster we share DNA with. The women who wanted to commiserate with me and share their own experiences with me so that THEY would not feel alone. They got what they wanted. I gave them a need to not forgive themselves as I didn't judge them for not coming forward to my support all those years ago. I gave them a understanding compassionate ear and shoulder to unburden their stories of abuse. I listened to them tell their horror stories of their brother, who is my father, them knowing it is so hard for me to hear more and more "tales from the crypt" about my so called "parent". Their need to unload personally was met with my response of understanding etc. I am not bitter or angry at being their for them. I am however gutted that now that it is all on the table, I'm standing alone. No calls, no positive messages even via email. Nothing. One of the aunts friend my father on facebook. Can you all believe that? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Needless to say, I have one remaining aunt on my online social networks. The others are blocked. I'm done with them and from here on out they can find a therapist if they want that listening ear again.
Yesterday was my S/O's convocation ceremony. Some of you may remember several years ago at his other convocation ceremony, his drug addicted sister destroyed the day systematically. Well this ceremony was a much bigger one as the program was so much harder and so important to my S/O. He has worked so hard, I am so proud of him. Planned this big party for following the ceremony. Booked a party room downtown. Spent a ton of money (we can ill afford but it was his special day and I was determined to celebrate in a fitting way) on food, decorations, designer cake etc. It has been planned for over 2 months and guest list was confirmed.
THursday night quite late, after 10p.m. I called my mother in law to discuss what time she was arriving with S/O's brother, his aunts etc. They were to be making the 1 1/2 hour trip to town for the ceremony. I had some questions about how to transport everyone to and from the campus, to the party, transporting food etc. Well, she had no intention of calling until Friday morning (ceremony was in the afternoon) so its good I called to ask about how many empty spots were available in their vehicles. Because none of them were coming! NOT A SINGLE PERSON from his family. NONE. Now it is common in the north here to travel that type of distance for visiting. Heck its 45 minutes each way for S/O's brother to visit their mother, and he does it nearly daily without a blink. Part of living in a vastly spread out region. Anyhow, so nobody was coming. Lamest excuses. His brother had been working on his roof all week, hurt his back so wasn't driving here. So mother in law couldn't come because she doesn't like to drive at night and it would be late for driving home. I offered to pay for a hotel for her and S/O's aunts etc. No, she didn't want her cat to be alone overnight. I offered to contact some of the aunts to see if any would be willing to be the driver. I was asked not to because it would seem "weak" of mother in law to not want the responsability to drive. Well it went on and on. So there went 3/4's of our guest list. I guess the OTHER cars of guests decided if mother in law wasn't going to her own sons convocation there was no point in them making the trip either?
Then people on my end backed out. In the end, we never bothered with the party room I booked. No point in the hassle of transporting food and decorations, etc. It was just S/O and I along with easy child. My cousin and her teen son. That's it. My aunt (my mothers side, not the above listed aunts) is aging and quite ill so did not attend the ceremony. SHe simply would never have lasted through sitting for 3 hours, we understood absolutely. She did however drive over to join us for our meal afterward and spent several hours.
It was a lovely day in many ways. S/O was so absurdly handsome in formal clothes wearing his cap/gown. There was ceremonial drumming and chanting/singing my a native performer. (We live in a area with many native reserves, being native myself the drumming/singing was a beautiful and poignant touch) There was a nice reception afterward on site. Imagine my surprise that parents of some students attended convocation after traveling internationally to be here. Parents from the UK, Jordan, Iraq, China. (3/4's of the students come here for this aviation program from other countries) Yet nobody in S/O's family could attend from a hop skip and jump away.
This morning mother in law phoned. S/O was still sleeping. Imagine my shock today. Yesterday nobody could come because S/O's brother was so bad off he contemplated going to ER where he feared he would admitted. This morning, mother in law is calling to speak to S/O to tell us that his brother is already on the highway heading here. That he wants S/O to go with him when he arrives to help him move his stepson out of university residence into a apartment in town here. So brother today is replacing a costly moving company and going to be moving stepson and 2 other friends into a new apartment? What happened to such bad injuries he feared admission to a hospital bed because it was so bad? And then mother in law wanted minute details about S/O's ceremony, however she was busy multi tasking and not listening to the details anyhow. I play nice with in laws and normally actually enjoy them in their own right. But I am so sick of S/O being let down time and again yet always he rises to occassion for each of them. This is the same mother in law enabling sister in law into a early grave from drug abuse. The same mother in law who travels 10 hours away to sister in law's house to wipe her sweating brow when she "detoxes" but it never lasts more than 12 hours of the withdrawls before mother in law is then just a babysitter for sister in law's difficult child brat nightmare of a teen son because sister in law is off to her drug dealers house for her fix. Yet S/O has a milestone moment, and not a single one can arrive? My tongue is hurting from how hard I bit it on the phone with mother in law.
S/O is awake, I summarized the call (just said his bro was on his way to move the boys and was going to arrive to pick him up to help with the move). His eyes flashed angry, so rare for my S/O. Then he appeared composed and said he is not surprised he wasn't asked in advance. Because if he had been, they would have had no excuse yesterday for not being there again. He then asked if front door was locked. I said yes, we hadn't had need to unlock it since waking this morning. He told me to just ignore the door today because he's fed up of being the one they assume is always there for their stuff but who can't depend on them for being there for anything for him.
I guess this Cheese doesn't stand alone. I'm blessed having my S/O by my side. I think I'll change the lyrics to the Two Cheeses stand Alone.
What is wrong with people these days? When did so much of our world become so self absorbed and narcisistic?
So I was made painfully aware during my recent issues dealing with police following my bio fathers confession to me about his 40+ year of terrorizing via sexual abuses, that people cannot often be relied upon to be there for me when the chips are down. Didn't have anyone step up to attend my police interview as a support, the phone didn't ring (and still hasn't) with inquiries of how it went, or even just to say "thinking of you" or any of that type of thing. The very women who sought me out at this later stage of my life to know me for the first time, the "family" who suddenly wanted me in the bosom of the folds, the women who wanted to appease their guilty feelings for not speaking up when I was a teen and attempted to charge this monster we share DNA with. The women who wanted to commiserate with me and share their own experiences with me so that THEY would not feel alone. They got what they wanted. I gave them a need to not forgive themselves as I didn't judge them for not coming forward to my support all those years ago. I gave them a understanding compassionate ear and shoulder to unburden their stories of abuse. I listened to them tell their horror stories of their brother, who is my father, them knowing it is so hard for me to hear more and more "tales from the crypt" about my so called "parent". Their need to unload personally was met with my response of understanding etc. I am not bitter or angry at being their for them. I am however gutted that now that it is all on the table, I'm standing alone. No calls, no positive messages even via email. Nothing. One of the aunts friend my father on facebook. Can you all believe that? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Needless to say, I have one remaining aunt on my online social networks. The others are blocked. I'm done with them and from here on out they can find a therapist if they want that listening ear again.
Yesterday was my S/O's convocation ceremony. Some of you may remember several years ago at his other convocation ceremony, his drug addicted sister destroyed the day systematically. Well this ceremony was a much bigger one as the program was so much harder and so important to my S/O. He has worked so hard, I am so proud of him. Planned this big party for following the ceremony. Booked a party room downtown. Spent a ton of money (we can ill afford but it was his special day and I was determined to celebrate in a fitting way) on food, decorations, designer cake etc. It has been planned for over 2 months and guest list was confirmed.
THursday night quite late, after 10p.m. I called my mother in law to discuss what time she was arriving with S/O's brother, his aunts etc. They were to be making the 1 1/2 hour trip to town for the ceremony. I had some questions about how to transport everyone to and from the campus, to the party, transporting food etc. Well, she had no intention of calling until Friday morning (ceremony was in the afternoon) so its good I called to ask about how many empty spots were available in their vehicles. Because none of them were coming! NOT A SINGLE PERSON from his family. NONE. Now it is common in the north here to travel that type of distance for visiting. Heck its 45 minutes each way for S/O's brother to visit their mother, and he does it nearly daily without a blink. Part of living in a vastly spread out region. Anyhow, so nobody was coming. Lamest excuses. His brother had been working on his roof all week, hurt his back so wasn't driving here. So mother in law couldn't come because she doesn't like to drive at night and it would be late for driving home. I offered to pay for a hotel for her and S/O's aunts etc. No, she didn't want her cat to be alone overnight. I offered to contact some of the aunts to see if any would be willing to be the driver. I was asked not to because it would seem "weak" of mother in law to not want the responsability to drive. Well it went on and on. So there went 3/4's of our guest list. I guess the OTHER cars of guests decided if mother in law wasn't going to her own sons convocation there was no point in them making the trip either?
Then people on my end backed out. In the end, we never bothered with the party room I booked. No point in the hassle of transporting food and decorations, etc. It was just S/O and I along with easy child. My cousin and her teen son. That's it. My aunt (my mothers side, not the above listed aunts) is aging and quite ill so did not attend the ceremony. SHe simply would never have lasted through sitting for 3 hours, we understood absolutely. She did however drive over to join us for our meal afterward and spent several hours.
It was a lovely day in many ways. S/O was so absurdly handsome in formal clothes wearing his cap/gown. There was ceremonial drumming and chanting/singing my a native performer. (We live in a area with many native reserves, being native myself the drumming/singing was a beautiful and poignant touch) There was a nice reception afterward on site. Imagine my surprise that parents of some students attended convocation after traveling internationally to be here. Parents from the UK, Jordan, Iraq, China. (3/4's of the students come here for this aviation program from other countries) Yet nobody in S/O's family could attend from a hop skip and jump away.
This morning mother in law phoned. S/O was still sleeping. Imagine my shock today. Yesterday nobody could come because S/O's brother was so bad off he contemplated going to ER where he feared he would admitted. This morning, mother in law is calling to speak to S/O to tell us that his brother is already on the highway heading here. That he wants S/O to go with him when he arrives to help him move his stepson out of university residence into a apartment in town here. So brother today is replacing a costly moving company and going to be moving stepson and 2 other friends into a new apartment? What happened to such bad injuries he feared admission to a hospital bed because it was so bad? And then mother in law wanted minute details about S/O's ceremony, however she was busy multi tasking and not listening to the details anyhow. I play nice with in laws and normally actually enjoy them in their own right. But I am so sick of S/O being let down time and again yet always he rises to occassion for each of them. This is the same mother in law enabling sister in law into a early grave from drug abuse. The same mother in law who travels 10 hours away to sister in law's house to wipe her sweating brow when she "detoxes" but it never lasts more than 12 hours of the withdrawls before mother in law is then just a babysitter for sister in law's difficult child brat nightmare of a teen son because sister in law is off to her drug dealers house for her fix. Yet S/O has a milestone moment, and not a single one can arrive? My tongue is hurting from how hard I bit it on the phone with mother in law.
S/O is awake, I summarized the call (just said his bro was on his way to move the boys and was going to arrive to pick him up to help with the move). His eyes flashed angry, so rare for my S/O. Then he appeared composed and said he is not surprised he wasn't asked in advance. Because if he had been, they would have had no excuse yesterday for not being there again. He then asked if front door was locked. I said yes, we hadn't had need to unlock it since waking this morning. He told me to just ignore the door today because he's fed up of being the one they assume is always there for their stuff but who can't depend on them for being there for anything for him.
I guess this Cheese doesn't stand alone. I'm blessed having my S/O by my side. I think I'll change the lyrics to the Two Cheeses stand Alone.
What is wrong with people these days? When did so much of our world become so self absorbed and narcisistic?
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Check it! 
