BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Frankly, if I'd known how hard it is for older children to attach to their families, I'm not sure I would have done it. Scott was the best behaved kid on earth, but I think his incredibly high IQ got him through his life (six years in an orphanage) with the knowledge that you get nowhere by fighting and acting out, plus he had good genes (we found his very cool birthmother) and good executive functions so he could hide it. He learned to be the perfect kid, the one with great manners, charm, quick one liners. He excelled in life and decided he would outshine the world. It would not shock me if he ended up a millionaire many times over--he is already a millionaire once. He never had a difficult child moment as a child. THAT WE KNEW OF. Now, talking to biol. son, he used to steal his games and other stuff by climbing through our other son's window and literally dropping to the roof to get in (yes, he was also very athletic--the perfect child). We never believed biological son when he'd complain--it sounded too outrageous, plus biological son was sort of a difficult child. My bio. son and I have talked it over many times now that he's an adult and he just laughs it off and says, "Mom, I don't care now. It's the past. I'm just mad that Scott is treating you like a jerk, and that he says he doesn't know me."
Scott is officially MIA. He married a Chinese woman (he is also Chinese), became religious in the extreme (and almost a cultish way) and I think it's his way of finding his identity. However, he and his wife are joined at the hip, and she isn't a very warm person and has no interest in knowing us, so he stays away. I've adopted four kids. The others came into our lives at ages 1 day, 5 months and 2 years. I ralize we lucked out that the two year old doesn't have a lack of attachment to us, but he also went straight to a loving foster home after having heart surgery where the staff held him almost 24/7 since he cried a lot. He was able to attach almost right away as did my daughter who came at five months. She was from Korea and her foster mom, whom she went to at age Three Days, carried her on her back and slept with her. It paid off handily. Julie can attach and we are very close. But Scott is really, if I'm honest, no longer part of the family nor does he want to be.
Unless I was finished with my family and truly wanted to just "save a child" I would not adopt an older child again ever. To me, I just wanted a big family. I didn't adopt to save anyone. Scott needed a home and we needed a child. I haven't heard from him since his wedding. We didn't have a fight or anything, he just isn't there for anybody anymore. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm used to it by now. It's Mothers Day and this is just a vent. I'm grateful that God gave me four great kids who love me. I have five kids and would die for any of them, but, really, I don't think Scott thinks of me as his mother in his heart. He has said he felt loved as a child, but "I don't feel emotions like other people do." I'm just grateful he turned his attachment issues into achievement rather than destruction. Vent done :smile: Happy Mother's Day to all. I think we earned it :wink:
Scott is officially MIA. He married a Chinese woman (he is also Chinese), became religious in the extreme (and almost a cultish way) and I think it's his way of finding his identity. However, he and his wife are joined at the hip, and she isn't a very warm person and has no interest in knowing us, so he stays away. I've adopted four kids. The others came into our lives at ages 1 day, 5 months and 2 years. I ralize we lucked out that the two year old doesn't have a lack of attachment to us, but he also went straight to a loving foster home after having heart surgery where the staff held him almost 24/7 since he cried a lot. He was able to attach almost right away as did my daughter who came at five months. She was from Korea and her foster mom, whom she went to at age Three Days, carried her on her back and slept with her. It paid off handily. Julie can attach and we are very close. But Scott is really, if I'm honest, no longer part of the family nor does he want to be.
Unless I was finished with my family and truly wanted to just "save a child" I would not adopt an older child again ever. To me, I just wanted a big family. I didn't adopt to save anyone. Scott needed a home and we needed a child. I haven't heard from him since his wedding. We didn't have a fight or anything, he just isn't there for anybody anymore. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm used to it by now. It's Mothers Day and this is just a vent. I'm grateful that God gave me four great kids who love me. I have five kids and would die for any of them, but, really, I don't think Scott thinks of me as his mother in his heart. He has said he felt loved as a child, but "I don't feel emotions like other people do." I'm just grateful he turned his attachment issues into achievement rather than destruction. Vent done :smile: Happy Mother's Day to all. I think we earned it :wink: