The choices we make about work

[ctmom05]

I know that some of you are wondering about the person that I had this discussion with.

She is the single parent of a pre teen, and a coworker. She is outspoken and has narrowly defined expectations of others, because she needs those controls to feel secure.

What got under my skin was the way she was twisting logic to make her point.

 

[hearts and roses]

It's too easy to look at someone's life from the outside to pass judgement. I think maybe someone is trying to make themselves feel better about the choices they made.Hugs

That was the first thing I thought as well. And also that this is a personal decision between family only and based solely on family's needs.

We all make choices that suit our needs and desires as a family/couple/single person.

We will always come up against someone who will pass judgement on our personal choices and we have to learn to let it go, hard as that may be. Or, punch her in the nose and then walk away.

My sister is very well off and has been able to entertain many 'hobbies' or so called 'life interests' over the past 20 years. Before her H made a lot of money, she cleaned houses while living in a tenament. My sister must feel guilt or something because she does not have to work outside the home and is able to pursue many interests and spend A LOT of her family's money. She never misses an opportunity to remind everyone within earshot that she used to clean houses, blah blah blah - and other inane things. It's like she's trying too hard to let everyone know that she 'earned' the right to stay home. In reality, there are many people who make not even a 1/4 of what her H makes and they choose to stay home because it suits them. Nothing wrong with that.

My point is, it is what it is. That woman made her choices along the way and you have made yours - there is no right or wrong. I don't defend my working outside the house; I feel fortunate that I was able to stay home with my daughters until they were 4 and 2 FT and then PT for another 2 years. Staying at home with them came at a very high price, but eventually, when I felt they were capable of going to daycare, I went to work FT. In my case I was the sole supporter until H entered the picture a couple of years later. I think in the next 10 years we will be approaching a time when I may not have to work, but to be honest, I enjoy it. Despite the common complaints of going to work and everything, I do enjoy the independence I feel and I also feel satisfaction of being able to do my job. Soon it will be a choice that I make to continue working.

ANYWAY, I am probably repeating what everyone has already said. Walk away from ignorant people like that. We all make choices that suit our needs.

 

[dreamer]

IN a kind of opposite way so many people over the years commented on my husband being home. SOme would say things like oh it must be nice for your kids to be able to spend time with your husband. (and then they would sneer or smirk, or let me know they were being abnoxious about it)
On one hand it was sorta nice my kids did get to know their father, BUT the reality is....what my kids "got to know" was daddy was QUITE extensively mentally and physically ill, helpless, dependant, etc
and unable to interact much with the kids at all, and entirely unable to contribute much to a home or family environment. He may as well have been a toddler hanging around in an adult body.

SOmetimes a familys living situation is a choice, sometimes it is result of a tragedy, sometimes others have no clue what the circumstances are surrounding WHY a family does things the way they do. But if they have enough time and energy to go around poking their judgement in and seeing only negative things about other people, perhaps they have a dull boreing uneventful life and not enough to keep them busy enough.

 

[Kjs]

My dream was to be like my mom. Get married and be a Stay at home mom. Well, things didn't work out that way. There is no possible way I could not work. I make much more than husband. I use to absolutely love what I do. There has been so much automation put into place, that a lot of what I have learned is no longer relevant.

And the people who make comments like that, is there SO working? Do they have a good income? Do they have difficult child's at home?
Do they have children at home?

Many times people make comments without ever considering how people get where they are. Walk in MY shoes, just for one day and then make your comment.