I remember the first time I heard there was such a thing as enabling. Prior to hearing that word, I was so utterly certain I had done something wrong, hadn't loved them enough or hadn't been strong enough myself to be a mother.
Back in the day, homosexuality and autism too, were blamed on poor mothering.
Allison's book about setting boundaries with adult children is the first book I read when beginning my journey of detaching and allowing my difficult child to live his own life. She hit me square between the eyes. I finally realized how much I was actually hampering his development by enabling. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.