The words

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 4sumrzn, Feb 27, 2008.

  1. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    There have been many times difficult child has started saying words that I'm not sure where they came from. Was it someone at school, on the bus, kids I babysit for, her brother (or his friends) or just someone talking a normal conversation???? I'm not sure. But, this one since last week is getting to me:crying:. First of all, she normally yells these words when something isn't quite right for her.....she's being redirected, asked to stop, being told "it's too cold to wear your swim suit to school in the snow", ya know....just not her idea of what is suppose to be going on. Anyway, she just went off because I walked into the kitchen & she was trying to help do the dishes (her idea of that is.....empty out the cabinets of clean ones, fill the sink & have a water party!). I was in the potty by the way & cut everything off when I heard the water running:whiteflag:. I was as nice as I could be & tried VERY hard to say the right things to avoid a meltdown. I didn't get a meltdown (I'll pat myself on the back for that one), but got the running off....screaming & yelling...the name calling and here came the name......RETARD!!!!! Ya know, it is so very possible that my difficult child is retarted. I get that. I understand that children can be cruel. BUT, my gosh....this child can't even hold a conversation that makes sense to most people. She's hearing these words & for some reason holds on to them. WHY? She can't retain words that are educational to her, but these words she can? AND, these words are what she is yelling out when she's "not happy" (not that I even believe the child knows what emotions are & how to display them properly).

    Once again, I can never sit here & type my actual thoughts as they are coming to me......I have things coming at me from every angle all of the time (kids, dogs, phone, door, toilet over flowing....) & it sometimes takes me FOREVER to even get it out, let alone....know if it makes any sense or is spelled right. Sorry.

    Thanks for letting me vent. I'm glad I have somewhere to do that
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't have answers. The language sometimes seems to come out of thin air. As do some ideas.

    I have often thought that the language retained may be connected to how it is said and to the reaction it gets.

    Is difficult child on any medications? Do you think you have the correct diagnoses/treatments?

    Wishing you a spa day and a visit from Raoul!

  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I have no answer either. I've seen time and again where kids learn cuss words before they learn to say "drink," or "please," etc.

    Maybe it's the emphasis placed on the word when it's said, maybe the animation of the speaker when it's said. Pure guess on my part, but I know it's a common problem with nearly all children.
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I absolutely agree with Sheila - I think it's emphasis and emotion attached with the utterance of the word, as well as the reaction of those around when the word is uttered. Kids pick up on that fast.

    From a *very* young age, any curse word just tickled Boo - would send him into gales of laughter. Now, I'm not Ms. Manners and have been known to utter a word or two, but when I realized how he was reacting, I really tried to get a grip on my vocabulary. My new "curse" became "Texas". It's really a very satisfying word to spew when you're frustrated. "Oh, TEXas!" Boo picked up on it right away and it could have been any other inappropriate word as far as he was/is concerned. He still gives a good belly laugh over Texas, which confuses a lot of people. ;)
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    been there done that with this one.

    I would be talking to the school - this poor kid has had this word used at her, as an insult. She has picked up on the delivery that it is an insult, it's not a nice word and it's one which can be used to wound. And the way our kids pick this up - usually words that are used at t hem, to the best effect, become their strongest words to hurl at other people (and often at the same people who 'taught' her the word).

    I got a note home once from difficult child 3's teacher (who was frankly a prize idiot) saying, "You must teach difficult child 3 to not use mean words at other kids. Today I head him call Steve 'fa***t retard'. He needs to learn that he will lose friends if he calls them names like this."
    I wrote back to her saying, "You and I have known each other personally for years. You know our family, you know our household. You know that there is NO WAY that difficult child 3 would hear words like that used in our household. Have you considered that he is only repeating words which have been directed at him? That this ongoing name-calling is part of long-term bullying which has not been appropriately dealt with? It's quite possible that the child who difficult child 3 directed that insult at, is the same one who used the term at him. The name you mention is one that difficult child 3 regularly reports, as someone who hits him or verbally abuses him. That child is not a friend I would encourage difficult child 3 to mix with."

    As for using alternative, innocuous words as acceptable substitutes - there are some great words. "Texas" is good. A friend of mine was once given a book of place names with alternate meanings. "Penang" is a city in Malaysia, a resort island. According to this books, it's also the sound a cat makes when it bounces off your hubcap. And a suburb of Sydney, Engadine - it's the sound a motorbike makes when you rev it. A lot of Aussie town names would make good substitute non-swear words - Wagga, for example. Bulli (pronounced "bull - eye").

    And a digression, from the book "Limerick to Sydney" which was a compilation of limericks with Sydney place names - here is a non-limerick.
    "She stood bare in the sea at Bulli Pass,
    And the water came up to her knees.
    This doesn't rhyme now, but it will when the tide comes in."

    I'm also told that the most satisfying language in the world for swearing in, is Yugoslav.

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids have A LOT of trouble expressing themselves, but can and do grab onto one word. Plus most are a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. An IQ test for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child is often invalid--it is hard for these kids to be tested to their full potential. My son once tested 74. We now realize his IQ is near or above the average range.
    I'm guessing, and this is sad, that other kids are calling your child that name and that she is latching onto it, angry and hurt by it. Is this child getting school interventions for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)? It's so very important for kids with diagnosis. to get help with speech, language, and social skills.
    Poor little thing. My son with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) once "washed and put away" the dishes by throwing out all the silver ware. He would never do that now, but he did that then.
    I hope you are both in a better place really soon. And try to get school noninterventions if you haven't.
  7. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I sent in a note this morning to her Special Education teacher. This is now the 3rd word.....stupid & "I'm crazy" were the first 2. It just breaks my heart, she doesn't know that the words are even hateful. She just knows that she is being told by authority figures that these are not words that we say when she says them. We do use the word subsitution around here for her....."pickle", "snoopy" & "what's up" work sometimes. Not for these 3 new words. Yes, she has a full time aide, is in the Special Education room the majority of the day, receives speech/language/Occupational Therapist (OT)/social services. It's just very upsetting because she doesn't "get it" & will with out a doubt yell these things to the people that try the hardest to help her! Not the bratty stinkers at school that are calling her the names (it has to be coming from there). Thanks again for letting me vent!
  8. AprilH

    AprilH Guest

    Our favorite words or phrase that we use in our house to express anger is "God...Bless...America...!" that seems to get a good laugh from my kiddos...:redface: