therapist appointment today

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
Had an attachment therapist appointment today with wm, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist & myself. Another interesting appointment.

wm tends to treat everyone around him as a wallet, reward giver or servant. His continual demand for things is a result of neglect, abuse; he needs physical proof that he is liked/loved.

Having said that, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist was ready to quit on wm today. wm is continually looking at Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist as a reward - what do I get when we're done today, kind of thing.

The same for attachment therapist & myself.

Attachment therapist had wm practice "admiring" things that he wanted out of her office, while not asking to have it or trying to steal it.

I found it very fascinating to watch wm struggle to learn this new concept in a way that he seemed to understand. Every time he tried to take something or asked for something, he was asked to redo that using his admiring part, not his wanting/taking part.

I'm visiting wm this coming Sunday - we aren't going out to buy anything or go out to eat. I'm taking Sally & we are going to go for a walk.

Attachment therapist had wm practice saying "I look forward to spending time with you, Mom". The last time he said it, it was with a smile on his face & you could tell he meant it.

It brought a big smile to my face. wm accused me of laughing at him - Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist said "no, wm, this is a genuine smile on mom's face - I can feel it".

It was so nice to leave therapist appointment on a positive note.


That's a great update. Thanks for sharing.

Currently, difficult child 2's "team" is stuck in a contradiction. difficult child is smart. Very smart, actually. And his teacher at school fears he will learn to use rewards to manipulate. Mr IHBT is very much into rewarding good behavior, as we have d@mn little success controlling the rages if we try to punish instead, and the behavior we want to correct gets lost in the inevitable power struggle.

I used a "merit" system to get him to ride the bus. It started with a sticker every day he got on without a tyrade. At then end of the 4 day week, we went to the dollar store and he earned a dollar for each sticker. After a few weeks, he got $2 for the week's stickers, then one dollar and a trip on Thursday, etc. Eventually, the reward went away, but he still gets on the bus (usually - lol).

I know the tweedles' situation is very different, but have you seen anything of this nature "lend" itself to wm being more manipulative?

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

Reward systems have never been an incentive for either kt or wm. wm, especially, tends to manipulate the system - isn't able to internalize. It's all about the reward.

husband called it wm's "icon" of the day - he'd earn a reward, it was important for a day & then it became garbage.

We're slowly redirecting the reward system toward something less demanding; more healthy for wm. As wm craves attention from his caregivers while at the same time pushing away those he loves our tack is learning to spend time together.

The only "rewards" earned are in day treatment. At therapeutic home, it's a push toward approval, time spent together playing games, anything that pushes him to interact with another human being.

Not sure if this answers your question or not.


New Member
Sounds like a great appointment. I don't end up leaving most appointments feeling that way, so I loved your post!

Hopefully, wm will keep on practicing!! :smile:

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
I'm sorry Nomad. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) = independent living skills. This gentleman is a degreed therapist, who works with wm 6 hours/weekly. He takes wm out in the community & teaches him skills; at this point, they are working on wm's propensity to walk up to total strangers & ask for money or if they will be his parents. (This kid is real vulnerable in the community.)

Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist is also working with wm on boundaries & aggressive like behaviors. wm approaches, me especially, in a very threatening manner. Whether he's aware of it or not, I'm not sure. Attachment & Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) tdocs point out my body language when wm is being this way. My defenses automatically go up. Trying to teach wm to read body language & cues; recognize how his actions are affecting others.

Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist also transports wm to therapy appts that I attend with wm. wm isn't safe for me to transport; heck, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist struggles to transport wm. We may have to seek a PCA (personal care attendant) to help transport wm to & from therapy.

Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) therapist takes what was worked on in therapy & utilizes it in his treatment & reinforces it for wm.

We've always been "the wallet" for wm. In his mind, it's all about things - a sad way to live, in my mind.

I've never heard "I look forward to spending time with you" from wm before. It brought tears to my eyes.