therapy question

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Sep 16, 2011.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    My difficult child sees a therapist. I have come to realize that I need one also just to deal with all the drama. Do most parents here see a therapist? If so, do you see the same one your child does? Or is it better to see someone who doesn't see your child? THanks. KSM
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Sometimes as parents, we even have two tdocs...
    One for ourselves, and one that we see "with" our difficult child and sometimes with other family members too, for "family therapy".

    If the issue is the relationship between you and the child, then it makes sense to work with one therapist.
    If you have issues of your own - better off with a separate therapist, in my opinion.
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I don't think I have "issues" but I know I am not handling things the best way. I guess all my parenting skills have gone out the window with this child. It seems that normal parenting skills just doesn't work with difficult child. It works with her sister. But her sister feels bad when she messes up... but difficult child acts like she could care less. Every thing escalates.

    When we have been in the therapy office she will get furious if I discuss some of the challenges we have had at home. (like stealing, raging) So in the past, I really didn't say much to the therapist if she was there. Sometimes, I would send him an email - but he didn't always have them read before the appointment.

    We are trying to switch to a new therapist soon - waiting for a call back. Our therapist goes to our church and is a wonderful, talented person. But difficult child doesn't want him to know all the stuff that goes on. If we get in with the new therapist - I will ask her what she thinks. KSM
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you are not coping well with the current situation, then you have "issues" - just my opinion, of course. Having a therapist means you have a professional opinion who can help you sort through the thoughts, feelings, and learning curve of dealing with difficult child. Depending, of course, on whether you find one you can click with.

    Needing your own therapist does not mean that you are dealing with formal dxes like depression, etc. - the things that once upon a time I thought of as "issues". Yes, those are... but there are way more issues than there are dxes!

    Maybe we should use the word "challenges" instead of "issues"?
    Because, if you have a difficult child kid... you have challenges.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Yes, I am definitely challenged. I thought I was up for about anything... until this year when things took a dive. Now I find myself hiding in my room so I won't have to interact with difficult child. Because I know that anything I say will cause her to be upset about something. KSM
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, you might want to look into a separate therapist, for yourself.
    Think of it as preventative medicine... ways to get help now, so you don't end up going off the deep end later!
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    The therapists I currently have for my kids see me right along with the kids. Essentially family therapy. If the kids want alone time with the therapist I get kicked out. This has happened only once so far, for DD1's first official session. She wasn't uttering a word with me in the room.

    So far, there is nothing new getting discussed in therapy. IOW the therapist isn't saying or teaching any skill that I haven't already said or taught to the kids. that doesn't mean it's wasted time. Son and DD2 are getting info from an outside source and learning that mom is NOT crazy and what she's been telling them all along is good information. DD1, on the other hand, is being resistant to Therapist just as she is resistant to me. So I'm still waiting for something "new" to come out of this.

    I do not currently have my OWN therapy, but if I decide to go, I will most certainly go see someone different. If I need help with MY issues, I don't want them confused with "family" issues. For example, if one day I REALLY can't stand to be around my kids, that is MY issue, and not a reflection of how I parent them when I'm feeling that way. While most therapists try to remain objective, they are human, and it's too easy to muddle everyone's problems together. For that reason, I also wouldn't feel comfortable divulging my dark ugly secrets to the same person seeing my kids and therefore would not get real benefit from seeing the same person.

    So to answer your question, it's both. See your kids' therapist regarding kid issues - parenting techniques, 'handling' your child, etc. Get your own therapist for YOUR issues that you wouldn't reveal in front of your child.
  8. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I find my own therapy to be essential. When my kids were young, it was difficult to fit in my own appointments, but I made time when I could. For awhile I actually used a therapist who had seen us as a family early on, before Youngest got her own, separate therapist. That helped because she knew the history of our family and knew my kids' personalities personally. The therapist I see now used to be Youngest's when she was in high school, before she decided she had no use for therapy. I started seeing her when appointments were made that Youngest refused to go to, and I figured I'd just go and keep the appointment myself. Youngest never went back, and I kept going. I've seen her off and on since; sometimes every 2 weeks, sometimes every few months. Just depends on what's going on.