This is getting old...I'm a poor parent....again

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tammyjh, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    At least thats what the psychologist with in home supports thinks. Her words were something like...she thinks that difficult child probably overhears too much negative talk about her and thats what accounts for a great deal of her behavior. She also feels that we are too negative in the way that we treat her and don't have enough empathy for her.:grrr: We try as hard as possible to NOT talk about difficult child in front of her...IF she overhears, its because we didn't know she was in the room. Also usually when we have meetings concerning difficult child, I specifically ask that she not be present because I don't like to talk about the negatives in front of her. I'm sure that we don't always have the best attitude towards her but its another thing we try hard to watch. Her moods control our lives and has since she was very small....she is a time consuming child....can't begin to count all the behavior strategies, medications, psychiatrists, clinicians, therapists, neurologists, etc...that we have seen. She is now in weekly counseling because she asked me to set her up with someone. I also have time after she gets home from school that is just hers so that she can talk to me or play games with me. I fixed her up her own room in the attic. I could go on and on and although I agree that we are not perfect, she is treated VERY well and with respect.

    I shouldn't be surprised because we get this kind of comment all the time......the psychiatrist at the hospital told us we spoiled her. Depending on who we talk to, we're either "meanies" or "spoilers" in other words, we **** at parenting and the fact that my other kids don't act that way accounts for nothing:919Mad:

    Needless to say, next week will probably be our last in home support meeting and our case manager will be attending. I think we'll take a little break from services for a while....we're all worn out and who knows, maybe a break will be good for difficult child too...I just dont' know.:sad:

    Thanks for the rant
  2. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    Oh Tammy, I'm so sorry! I know you don't believe that and you just needed to vent. We ALL do our VERY best with these kids, and it is tough! You keep on keepin' on, ignore the dumb people comments.

    Big ((((((((HUGS))))))) to you tonight!
  3. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    You're right, I don't believe I'm a bad parent but it sure is a pain in the butt to keep hearing it. We keep plugging along because we have her best interests at heart and we want her to be happy. It just stinks when we think we have found someone who really wants to get their hands dirty, they have to go and say something like that.:nono:
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry the professionals are being this way. We had never really experienced this until difficult child's recent hospitalization. The psychiatrist never came out and said she thought it was us but you could tell by what she wasn't doing that she blamed a lot of difficult child's behaviors on us! It was so frustrating-and it hurt even though we have tons of other professionals who feel we are doing a great job. Gentle hugs to you!
  5. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    Thank you.

    I think a break from mental health will good in a way. We will not be discontinuing her weekly counseling sessions but the in home supports and probably the psychiatrist. We have a visit in a few weeks and the as the psychiatrist isn't really in favor of medications and I'm not either, there's no real point in going back to her. husband disagrees on the medications. so I'm pushing for trying to find a neuro who will really look over all her tests, the latest eeg, and MRI and and evaluation from a neuro from inpaitient and just sit and talk to us. The last neuro just kind of shoved us out the door with a "this may be as good as it gets" attitude. He may be right but I would still like to talk with someone who will at least discuss these things with us. We have company coming tomorrow so I'm taking the weekend to mull things over and I'll start making phone calls again next week.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    One of the hospital tdocs told me that they are trained to look for problems in parenting first, before trying to treat the child. Cause it is easier to "fix" the parents and then if the child doesn't improve, it doesn't reflect badly on the therapist, they can deflect any blame onto the parents for not following their directions.

    It is VERY annoying. Tell her you think that difficult children main problem is that she has not been receiving competent in home support :)
  7. babybear

    babybear New Member

    This is so true! I spent the bulk of last school year getting nowhere because ssw "decided" difficult child was sleep deprived instead of learning about aspergers and how to work with her. Hmm... let's find the one thing we can blame on mom so we can feel good about ourselves.

    Ironically, that was the first school year ever that she was getting a solid 8 hrs or more every night. :sheepish:
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I also have to agree with JJJ. Professionals are taught to look at the parenting first. I thnk only after they get alot of experience under their belts do they learn that most parents are not the cause.

    I heard it alot. I also got the "Mom is over-reacting, making it up" routine too because both difficult children were well behaved outside of the home. (usually) I learned to develop a thick skin and let it roll off my back. And I just kept right on doing my best to do the best for my kids.

  9. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    lol...we may just do that at next weeks meeting lol.