Throw him to the wolves for the sake of making people do what they should???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Meeting this morning was a draw, at best.
    Due to Thursdays incident, his opportunity at extending the day has been nixed. He's back to straight up half days.
    They are now drawing a flow chart to help these paras. They wanted to know visual clues they can give the paras to know he's getting anxious. If it was as simple as saying "when he does x, you do y", this wouldn't be so difficult, now, would it.
    The one good thing that came out of this, tho, is that the SpEd director was sick, so the superintendant sat in on the meeting as the LEA. I didn't catch it, but ex-mother in law says her eyes were opened as to what was really going on with difficult child and staff. And when I said I will not have him punished for the adults mistakes, and he will not be shut in the closet anymore, the super was the one who jumped on that bandwagon and agreed that wasn't even an option.
    If he escalates, they are to call me - IMMEDIATELY. Not after 5 minutes, not after trying to calm him, phone rings NOW.
    I think they did get that, at least.
    Our county manager used to work with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. Like me, she says the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis fits, tho how it came to be is a mystery to us all. She is thoroughly frustrated with the district, and since the staff is entirely new, she feels they will probably have to experience their own failures with difficult child before moving now it becomes an issue of whether or not I'm going to waste another year of his childhood for them to figure out that their charts won't work so they will buck up and either get him a specialized aid or send him out of district. So do I play the games until they figure out the games they're playing won't work? Or go ahead and rent a room in the next district where they have the specialized school and try to get him in there...or quit work.
    I am so angry. They at least brought up LRE today. In the next breath, tho, knocked him back down to half days. How is that least restrictive when you have a kid with 4 professionals saying he CAN be successful in the right setting; and this district has had their own success when he was in the early intervention school...he was the model student, there. They used him as the example student for the other kids...
    I'm ill.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This stinks!! It absolutely stinks!!!

    No--I would NOT throw my child to the wolves or let him be "practice" for the new staff. That is too awful to even think about!!!

    Homeschool him....let him feel his own academic success. He can return to the regular school when and if they ever clean up their act. (And in the meantime, I might also look into a lawsuit about inflicting emotional harm on a child...)


  3. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Are you saying you could rent a place in the next district where they have better Special Education services? If you think you could get him in and it is financially better than homeschooling, I would consider that.

    It seems to me it will be a long battle to get him the services he needs in your current district, if he ever gets it. I would not want to put my child through that, if I could help it.

    I am homeschooling a special needs child now. I think she is getting the best possible education for her situation now but it has been difficult for me. I have had to get a tutor to help because she will do more for the tutor than for me. I feel like a failure as a homeschooling mom, but there really isn't another option for us right now. If you have a job that you like and feel like you are successful at, I would hesitate to give it up unless you have no other choice.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Do you have an advocate?
    Do you know they are violating FAPE by not providing for him to attend full days?
    If they can't provide full days in the current situation, then they need to provide a setting where he can attend full days. That's the law.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    SW, they slipped that darned half day crud into his IEP. It shouldn't be there, but it is. I have brought that up, but they have so far not been willing to bend...I can throw the due process card, but I think that will get me as far as I'm getting now, anyway. (Other than will start a ball rolling that won't result in best interests of the kid... which is probably going to happen anyway.)

    But if we have 4 docs, a school, teachers from a pervious school, and a list of 10-15 regular people that say he can do full days with adequate support, aren't they still violating FAPE and LRE by cutting his days short, even tho its in the IEP?
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Shari - I think the very fact that it is *in* the IEP is all the documentation you need that they are failing to provide FAPE. His half days are not medically necessary (quite the opposite given recommendations by your team). in my humble opinion, this is for staff convenience, period - that much less of a headache if they only have to deal with him a couple hours a day. Goodness, if SDs thought they could get away with- educating difficult children only half days, none of our kids would have ever attended school full time.

    I think absolutely you need an advocate/atty involved now. There should be, in my humble opinion, compensatory education provided to him for the amount of time they have held him out of school.

    And absolutely no, you don't wait for them to figure it out. It could take a year, and who knows what staffing changes you may again have to deal with- next year. FAPE now. If they can't handle him full days, they *must* find a setting that can.

    You have bent over backwards with- this district. Short of them hiring you as his para, I don't know what more you can do. In the meantime, he is missing irreplaceable educational time.
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member


    This is a really crummy situation. It sounds like the iep is questionable. You could spend time getting an advocate, fighting the school system, etc.. but in will take time and in my opinion as a teacher and a mom of a difficult child, you can't afford the time it takes to fight. Your difficult child is at a critical age for learning to read. You mentioned in another post that dyslexia is a possibility so he is going to need instruction tailored to his needs. It sounds as if his behaviors and the school's inability to handle them is making it impossible for him to learn. In addition, he is developing self-esteem issues and feels like he can't be good (and in the situation, he probably can't). I was in this same place two years ago and I elected to homeschool rather than fight with the school. It just takes too long and difficult child needed to be taught. It cost me my job but I gainned so much more. After I felt that difficult child had a better handle on things academically, I went back to the school with an advovate and fought for the best education I could get for difficult child. His first year back at school was his best school year so far.

    It's absolutely not fair, and difficult child is entitled to FAPE. But you know what is best for your son and if it's financially possible, homeschool him.

  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sue, I think you may be right and I hadn't thought of it from that perspective...I had in my head that it being in the IEP makes it ok...they don't have any meeting notes where that was met and agreed on, because it wasn't...was something they just did...

    Definitely another angle to look at.

    Still, tho...what's the best way to get these people to comply, or cut my losses and run. (I'm thinking that's gonna be it, anyway).
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari...I sitting here thinking that we can sit here and yell, scream and swear how this is all so unfair, illegal as hell, denying him FAPE, etc, but there is still a little boy who is not getting educated and is falling through the cracks day by day. Anything you do to try and force the schools hands is going to take time that he really doesnt have. It could really do some horrible emotional damage to him even while he isnt getting any education.

    I have some really horrible memories of Cory's school years. I dont think he actually remembers quite how awful it really was. I do though.

    In your case, I think you need to make some very serious decisions fast. Can you switch districts? Is there a way for you to maybe use someone else's address in that other district and drive him daily? Are you willing to quit work and homeschool? If so, I would apply for SSI now. Dont wait. You need the medical insurance.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Janet, you are 100% right.

    I'm not sure I really have a choice.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Shari! Would you pm me what state you're in? Otherwise, you need to do a search and find yourself an advocate.

    Please don't take this the wrong way, but I know of what I speak. You're getting screwed royally and so is your son. FAPE has not been and is not being provided. Social interaction on a full time basis is warranted and if they can't give him an entire school day, they are violating the law.

    That being said, that little paranoid voice in the back of your head is saying that "they'll make his life miserable if I keep pushing this" (at least it did for me). Now I've lost a fantastic, high paying job, my 3 kids are sitting here without school placements (grades 6, 4th and 3rd), and I'm fighting tooth and nail trying to get things in place.

    The reason I want the state (and if not prying a city nearby) is so that I can check with a couple of people that I'm friends with or at least run a search to see if there's a knowledgable free advocate anywhere near you.

    I'm concerned that by calling you too often that the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) will never have a chance at subsiding to whatever degree it may be able to.

    Let me know if I can help - my heart is aching for you!

    Beth ;)
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Shari, I'm so sorry the meeting didn't solve anything immediately for difficult child. I agree with Janet, the district will most likely drag things out as long as they can, which isn't the best option for him. Are there better opportunities in the next district? I would probably look elsewhere for now. I think they already have their minds made up with him.
  13. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    My experience with homeschooling hasn't been great but I can tell that it could be a wonderful experience, with the right kid and the right mom. I am on a email list for homeschoolers with special needs kids so I know there are many that homeschool because they feel the school can't/won't meet their kids needs.

    I do think it is the best way for some of these kids to get exactly what they need. There are many opportunities for field trips, shared instruction, and social opportunities at least in our area.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We had a mom on here who had to hire a lawyer and sue the pants off a school district several years ago. She was from the north west somewhere. I think she was a moderator at one point so Fran may be able to tell you who I am talking about.

    I think she pulled her son out of school until they got him a placement if I remember correctly.