Time to bolt the door to my heart? How?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LauraH, Jul 18, 2018.

  1. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    So when I finally heard from my son today via Facebook I asked him again about the Verizon job. He said misunderstood, that the job starts next Tuesday. I know that's a lie because on Monday night he said he had to go to the ER and would be tired as hell but still planned to go to Verizon and see what his status was. I said, ok, and let it drop.

    A couple of hours later he starts calling me, blowing up my phone actually. I didn't answer because my gut feeling was that he was going to ask me for money. Finally my phone died and after it had fully charged I decided to call him back and get it over with. Sure enough, he wanted money to pay someone $50 that he owed him. But here's the strange part. He wanted to put $50 into my Paypal account and then have me wire him the $50. WTH? If he has $50 to put in my Paypal account then he has $50 he can pay his friend. Something's not smelling right here.

    I again told him no and his last words to me were "f--- you" and he hung up on me. The last time he was up to his eyeballs in drugs that's how he spoke to me and treated me, abut as long as he was clean he was as pleasant and cheerful as could be. So yeah, he's back where he was three or four months ago and as antagonistic towards me as ever.

    The "FU" was the last straw. I'm beginning to wonder if he's a narcissistic sociopath, and if he is I can't have him in my home and I'm not sure I even want him in my life until he can get treatment and get clean of the drugs. I've disengaged in the past but always left the door ajar. Now I think I want to slam it shut and push the deadbolt firmly in place. Unless he grows up, accepts responsibility, starts telling the truth, and gets and stays clean, I really have nothing more to say to him.
     
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I would so not be ok with the “FU.” Something is probably up. You know it
    Besides, NOT ok to speak that way to you. Consider blocking him for a little while. Perhaps ask for an apology? I don’t know your situation. But this is unacceptable.
     
  3. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    Apologies from him are mere words. Demanding an apology had no effect when he was a kid and has less effect now. If I had a dollar for every time he's apologized for something and another for every time he's turned around and done the same thing he apologized for I would be a wealthy woman.

    At any rate, I just got through sending a lengthy message on Facebook to the effect that I'm done helping him financially. If he runs out of medications, so be it. If he can't get to work, too bad. Figure something out on your own. I also told him how angry I am, not hurt, not broken-hearted, but angry as hell over those two words directed at me. I told him if he was trying to get me to stop sending even a few dollars here or a few dollars there, he couldn't have chosen a better way to accomplish that.

    He said nothing in return, but sent me the "thumbs up" emoji, whatever that means.
     
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    When my son who can snap under stress uses cuss words he knows I will hang up and not talk again for three days and hang up again for six days next time. It has worked really well. He would use the eff bomb but never directly at me. That would have been worse.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2018
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    We have used that escalating thing (see above) with our daughter (my idea) and it works. We tell her not to call for 24 hour’s. If she calls before then, it’s an additional 24. If she does it again, I might go for much longer. These escalating boundaries tend to work.