LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
....that I thought might not happen. Today is difficult child's graduation day from high school.
This is a little long, but stick with me.....
When I came here in 2002, difficult child was in a horrible place, I've always called it "the dark time". He was raging just about daily at school. The school had a "clear the classroom" plan and then I would come and take him home. We are talking about flipping desks and trashcans, yelling and screaming, and at one point he corned himself in the classroom with a pair of scissors and threatened to hurt himself if anyone came close. He was put on a modified day and things looked bleak.
I won't rehash all the things that led us to that point or the hundreds of things that were done to get us out - if you've been around the last 11 years, you know the details.
I will say that early intervention at school, talk therapy, a good psychiatrist, medication, assignment of a one-on-one crisis counselor, and total turn-around in parenting at home all played a role. But, looking back, I think one of the biggest pieces was he above age level understanding of his issues. When he was four, after a particularly tough day at preschool, he said this when I asked him why things were so difficult, "It's like I have a propeller inside me. When it goes fast, I'm bad; when it goes slow, I'm good."
This was an eye-opening analogy. He used his love and knowledge of planes (his first word was plane) to express that there was something inside that couldn't be explained. Through the many years as a young boy with issues, difficult child knew he was different, knew he had to try that much harder than the other kids to be good, and dealt with issues that other students didn't have.
But, as he entered middle school he didn't want to be that kid anymore. We tapered him off the antidepressant and antiphyscotic over the summer and he only had his ADHD medication. Middle school was not a walk in the park. But because he had some great teachers and a mom that held them to preverbal IEP fire, he worked through some of his earlier learning disabilities -- his ability to take notes improved, he wanted to do testing with his classmates, not a small group where they were given more time. He began to read a little more and be so overwhelmed by the written word. He still struggled, but he found ways to move forward.
High school was a great time of change. Maturity started to kick in which meant he was taking a role in his IEP and his medication. He found a love for the Air Force JROTC program, found a small group (and by small I mean 3) of friends, and decided he didn't want his ADHD medications by his junior year. He still struggled in math, but he was able to squeak by.
So here we are on his graduation day. He will be continuing his job this summer and into the fall. In October he decides whether he wants to go into the Air National Guard, the US Marine Aviation (or whatever they call it), or start college in January. He's a about 2 years behind his peers socially and I know that if I give him a little time to mature, he hopefully won't boomerang back home! He is paying rent starting next week and in July will begin paying for his data plan on his phone. Baby steps have worked so well for us, we are keeping with that plan!
He decided at the beginning of the school year that he wasn't going to walk at graduation. For me, I wish I could see him walk across that stage and get his degree because there were a few years I didn't think we would get here! But my difficult child, my little dude, is not one for pomp and circumstance.....I'm just got we got here with a surprisingly small amount of drama the last couple years!
A quick story - I love analogies. When the real trouble surfaced in second grade (and he was a difficult child before that and on medications - heck he was a difficult child from birth!) he was severely depressed, didn't want to have anything to do with his buddies and took no joy out of life. The raging was the only emotion he exhibited for a long while. It was in those dark days that I resigned myself to the knowledge that this boy would never go up on stage and receive a sport award or really do typical kid stuff.
In October of that school year was when things went dark. Therapy started almost immediately. The school principal told me that things would get better - he wasn't the only little boy she had seen with these issues - which I needed to hear so badly. That June, as usually was our custom, we went to the shore right after school was out. The kids had gone down to the water while I was "setting up the beach head". All of a sudden I heard laughter. I turned and realized that my son was jumping over the little waves at the waterfront, laughing every time he jumped. What a sound that was. Laughter and abandonment had not been part of our story the last year. It was then I knew that no matter how long it took, no matter how hard we had to work, things were going to get better. We would get through this.
So, while his classmates walk tonight, he has gotten a group of meaningful folks together and we will go to his favorite restaurant (a Japanese hibachi place) for dinner and return home for cake.
I will be as proud as any mother can be.
Sharon
This is a little long, but stick with me.....
When I came here in 2002, difficult child was in a horrible place, I've always called it "the dark time". He was raging just about daily at school. The school had a "clear the classroom" plan and then I would come and take him home. We are talking about flipping desks and trashcans, yelling and screaming, and at one point he corned himself in the classroom with a pair of scissors and threatened to hurt himself if anyone came close. He was put on a modified day and things looked bleak.
I won't rehash all the things that led us to that point or the hundreds of things that were done to get us out - if you've been around the last 11 years, you know the details.
I will say that early intervention at school, talk therapy, a good psychiatrist, medication, assignment of a one-on-one crisis counselor, and total turn-around in parenting at home all played a role. But, looking back, I think one of the biggest pieces was he above age level understanding of his issues. When he was four, after a particularly tough day at preschool, he said this when I asked him why things were so difficult, "It's like I have a propeller inside me. When it goes fast, I'm bad; when it goes slow, I'm good."
This was an eye-opening analogy. He used his love and knowledge of planes (his first word was plane) to express that there was something inside that couldn't be explained. Through the many years as a young boy with issues, difficult child knew he was different, knew he had to try that much harder than the other kids to be good, and dealt with issues that other students didn't have.
But, as he entered middle school he didn't want to be that kid anymore. We tapered him off the antidepressant and antiphyscotic over the summer and he only had his ADHD medication. Middle school was not a walk in the park. But because he had some great teachers and a mom that held them to preverbal IEP fire, he worked through some of his earlier learning disabilities -- his ability to take notes improved, he wanted to do testing with his classmates, not a small group where they were given more time. He began to read a little more and be so overwhelmed by the written word. He still struggled, but he found ways to move forward.
High school was a great time of change. Maturity started to kick in which meant he was taking a role in his IEP and his medication. He found a love for the Air Force JROTC program, found a small group (and by small I mean 3) of friends, and decided he didn't want his ADHD medications by his junior year. He still struggled in math, but he was able to squeak by.
So here we are on his graduation day. He will be continuing his job this summer and into the fall. In October he decides whether he wants to go into the Air National Guard, the US Marine Aviation (or whatever they call it), or start college in January. He's a about 2 years behind his peers socially and I know that if I give him a little time to mature, he hopefully won't boomerang back home! He is paying rent starting next week and in July will begin paying for his data plan on his phone. Baby steps have worked so well for us, we are keeping with that plan!
He decided at the beginning of the school year that he wasn't going to walk at graduation. For me, I wish I could see him walk across that stage and get his degree because there were a few years I didn't think we would get here! But my difficult child, my little dude, is not one for pomp and circumstance.....I'm just got we got here with a surprisingly small amount of drama the last couple years!
A quick story - I love analogies. When the real trouble surfaced in second grade (and he was a difficult child before that and on medications - heck he was a difficult child from birth!) he was severely depressed, didn't want to have anything to do with his buddies and took no joy out of life. The raging was the only emotion he exhibited for a long while. It was in those dark days that I resigned myself to the knowledge that this boy would never go up on stage and receive a sport award or really do typical kid stuff.
In October of that school year was when things went dark. Therapy started almost immediately. The school principal told me that things would get better - he wasn't the only little boy she had seen with these issues - which I needed to hear so badly. That June, as usually was our custom, we went to the shore right after school was out. The kids had gone down to the water while I was "setting up the beach head". All of a sudden I heard laughter. I turned and realized that my son was jumping over the little waves at the waterfront, laughing every time he jumped. What a sound that was. Laughter and abandonment had not been part of our story the last year. It was then I knew that no matter how long it took, no matter how hard we had to work, things were going to get better. We would get through this.
So, while his classmates walk tonight, he has gotten a group of meaningful folks together and we will go to his favorite restaurant (a Japanese hibachi place) for dinner and return home for cake.
I will be as proud as any mother can be.
Sharon
I am SO PROUD, Sharon! Congratulations to you both. So exciting. What a journey it has been.
