Tough times

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Malika, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    This weekend has been a difficult one. In a way, the worst we have had. J is currently sleeping on the sofa and I have a couple of hours respite. Yesterday afternoon (after a reasonably peaceful morning), he began raging - exploding, insulting, shouting, flailing arms and legs and trying to kick me if I came near - because I would not let him have my USB key to play with as a toy. At one point I pushed him back quite violently to stop him kicking me. He spoke to me rudely, as well as trying to hit me. These are two things which, for his sake as well as mine, I feel cannot now be tolerated. He is five; no longer a small child who cannot help himself. I made him run around the block - not easy, of course, to get him to accept this - and when he came back he wanted to say sorry and was in a different frame of mind. But there were more incidents in the evening of him exploding. Then this morning it started again when he exploded because I wanted him to put on his slippers instead of his boots inside - it turned out they were now too small for him, but he could not say that to me, he could only shout and scream incoherently. And then several more explosions. Basically he wants to behave like "king of the castle", doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants and explodes whenever he is constrained. People here may not feel that ODD is a helpful diagnosis but it is fair to say that he is systematically oppositional, systematically defiant. I now feel that this situation has urgently to be dealt with. He cannot, for his sake, be allowed to go on behaving like this. He does have some measure of control and I have seen it.
    I feel stressed and exhausted by his raging. This does not leave me in the best place to deal with it. That said, I am now making it very clear that I will not tolerate rudeness and hitting and I have tried to role play with him how we can do these situations differently, with him behaving like a big boy instead of a little one... with some success. I have also said to him, because I just cannot see how else to deal with it, that if he hits me again he will not watch the computer (I allow him to watch an hour or so of children's programmes on the computer on Saturdan and Sunday). There will, of course, be an almighty meltdown if he does hit me and I actually enforce this.
    As I said to Buddy, I just feel that our house is too small... he rampages around inside, constantly hyperactive, constantly touching things that are not meant to be touched. Sometimes he will play well but not this weekend. I actually know that watching things is not good for him - at least he accepts that he watches only at the weekend - because it makes him restless and disperse in energy, increasingly hyperactive, but it is not possible to eliminate it entirely. He can go outside to play in the part of the village near us but he will not go alone.
    I am worried about all this and where it is going. We have a psychiatrist appointment on the 16th and I want to try to express how serious I feel his behaviour is at times. To me, he has a clear diagnosis of ADHD and ODD. I think there are also some attachment problems. Medication could become something to discuss but I well know it is no miracle cure, particularly in terms of hyperactivity and impulsivity. He needs the skills he lacks to deal with frustration and thwarted desire, that much is so clear. I am supposed to be mirroring calm, mature behaviour to him but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed. It is very hard to feel warm and loving towards a small being who is very skilled in aggravating, defying and insulting you. I do know it's not personal and I should not be taking it personally. I don't, really, but I do see how I am really touched off by his behaviour because it is so unpleasant and antagonistic.
    He can be, of course, very sweet and engaging when we are involved in outside or structured activity. "Down" times at home so often seem to turn into disaster but I cannot spend my weekends with him going from one item on the agenda to the next...
    Thanks for letting me vent. This feels like B plus difficulty this weekend.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, this is my opinion.

    He is very possibly not completely in control of what he does. He probably has some childhood disorder, be it attachment related, ADHD with ODD, or something you haven't thought of yet. He needs a complete evaluation, but I am not sure if they do that in France or if they even believe that kids can have real disorders that cause "bad" behaviors. Clearly something has to change so that you can handle him better and so he can regulate himself better, whether he can control it or not. His touching everything is common in sensory issues.

    I think you have a complicated little guy there with a lot of issues going on and no way to currently get help, which is sad for both of you. Have you read "The Explosive Child" yet? If not, it is a keeper! You can get it from Amazon. Does anybody there deal with adopted children so he can be assessed for attachment problems? Was he in an orphanage for three months (I forget)? Is there ANY support system at all for you and your precious little cutie (yes, I know he doesn't seem precious and cute all the Still, I saw his picture and he IS a little cutie :) (when not raging).
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Malika, I PM'd you back... more info there, but I get having those rough patches for sure. For the record, I do think ODD is a good descriptive term. I said Q's middle name was oppositional and even used the word with him (I am not always convinced he knows what his behaviors are like, who they affect etc... he may not care but at least if he can learn this kind of behavior is ok, this kind is not ok etc... Know what I mean?...for him that is....)

    I just dont think it helps in terms of treatment nor do I think it is the end of the search. It only says there is something going on. So, WHAT IS IT? Right?? That is what we all want to know.

    Some of his behaviors and some of your responses (remember on the Attachment Disorder symptom lists it always says this....Angry Parent-kind of terms) do match what you are wondering about...the attachment stuff. All of the sites do say symptoms can look like adhd and certanly kids with certain kinds of attachment stuff can be oppositional and defiant... heck their bottom line is often that they NEED to be in charge because in their reality (though they could probably not put this in words) If they let anyone else take over, they will just be hurt again. You know all that...but imagine a child living with that pressure, of course they are going to have issues. I think I remember you said there could be a birth history playing a part here too, right? What was the birth mom's story? Maybe I am not remembering right. Have you researched (probably a totally silly question given who I am writing this too, lol) the effects of drugs, neglect-medical care , hunger, whatever the issues were with her. I am so sorry I am forgetting right now what you said about that. Not that you need to share here of course, just wondering if any of his executive function and personality control issues could be related to that.

    You need respite. I know he goes to an occassional party etc. but it would be great if someone who got what is going on could work with him. An in home therapist would be nice too.... that fantasy therapist, you know what I mean.... I want one too, someone who understands the basic trust issues many of our kids have as part of their makeups, that makes them feel they can't take the risk to let anyone too close, and who has great methods that are not the canned things that you already tried for working on behaviors. (you have tried those first right? For Q I can use super modified behavior rewards, like he has to be able to earn things in one hour....none of this get ten stickers and you can turn them in for... He will take the trash out for an immediate dollar, or can have the tv unlocked for a specific show if he has not said mean words for an hour, etc.

    I hear you. I think next time you go to the psychiatrist you do need to share specifically and also need to let him know that you are at a point where saying to wait and see or brush it off till next time is not an option because if you dont find some help, hope or could end up really hating your role as mother and that will hurt both of you. You love him so that is why it bothers you. No doubt in my mind from how you worry about and enjoy his unique perspective on events and ideas, etc. He is lucky to have a mom who is working so hard on his behalf. From what you have said to me, he does sound like all of this is bothering him too. THAT is a huge red flag and so make sure you let the doctor know that too.

    I am so glad you shared. It is important. I really can relate. When Q was little , though I knew his diagnosis for sure... I still was adjusting and wondering how far this would all go. Some things are far better than I would have thought they could be. Other things are still very worrisome. You have a lot of opportunity for growth and progress. He is not cognitively delayed, may have some really treatable issues and you are willing to work on it. That all goes a long way.

    HUGS, Malika. Hang in there... these lows on the rollercoaster do make the highs sweeter!
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi MWM and thanks for your response! Yes, I am aware that J is not completely in control of his behaviour. Of course he isn't. But he does have some control. Everything is intense and dramatic with him, high emotionality all the time, which I've read is typical for ADHD. I think I personally find it hard to let that just wash over me, not get caught into it... if that makes sense. I think he has got a lot of sensory issues, actually. His physical conditions always very important in dictating his behaviour - hunger, tiredness, etc. I have an appointment with an Occupational Therapist (OT) but again, as with the neuropsychologist, I don't think she is going to be able to do the range of things that would happen in other countries.
    Yup, have got and read the Explosive Child. And also What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You, which I found had some good ideas. I would really welcome skilled input at this point. I have to go with what is on offer. As I say, we have another appointment with the psychiatrist in a week's time.
    There isn't
  5. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    no advice - just Hugs- - I will keep u both in our prayers. Rabbit
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Buddy and thanks for your considered response (didn't get a PM from you, by the way - must have got lost in the ether :)) Much of what you say makes sense. I know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the birth mother. And in all probability never will. She could have taken drugs and alcohol if she were a prostitute. Doubtless there is a genetic component. He spent the first three months in a creche with many other babies, left for long hours to cry unattended. His base temperament also plays a part. He is just not an easy personality - you know? As my grandmother said to me once when I was a little girl: he "kicks against the pricks".
    Respite.... this is partly the problem. There are two childminders that he quite often goes to on a Saturday because I just have a ridiculous amount of work much of the time. He gets on fine with them both, they seem to understand him and how he operates now. He was supposed to go yesterday but when we turned up at the door, he suddenly ran away, got into the car and refused to come out. He was very upset, saying he didn't want to go, he wouldn't go, I work all the time, he wanted to stay with me. At first I got annoyed and tried to make him go, by various means but then I thought... no, that's right, I do spend too much time away from him working (but what can you do? I am not in a position where I can turn down work). So I bit the bullet, pushed work to the background (will be working at night over the next week...), and accepted that we spend the day together. And then this afternoon, he was supposed to go to what we call Arabic class at a local mosque - two hours of reciting phrases and learning the Arabic alphabet. I do know it's very, very boring because I attended the first one. Anyway, today he began saying he didn't want to go - not having a tantrum, but talking reasonably (because we had been doing so much "work" on talking reasonably). He said it was too long, he wanted to play but they wouldn't let him play. Again, fair enough, particularly for an ADHD kid, and after an inner tussle about not letting him get his own way, I agreed that he needn't go any more (though I said he would go to another Arabic class when he was bigger and if we found a shorter one).
    So... one way or another we have spent more time together this weekend than we often do. Respite is readily available - the childminders would even take him on Sunday if I wanted - but I feel this is part of the problem. We are not together enough. But when we are it is very difficult. You know...
    Oh the fantasy therapist - please send her along when you've finished with her or him!
  7. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Hey, Malika, get yourself a video camera and film his fits. That way the psychiatrist will see for him/herself what really goes on at home. It is important that you be taken seriously!
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH NO! I wrote long before you put this post up! Sorry, it is gonna take a while before I have the energy to go through what I told you about last night again! LOL.

    You can't do any work while he is doing things at home? He needs direct monitoring or is demanding of your attention ??? Just curious.

    I do think you are right then, if he has been going that much then the time together does need to happen too. You do such nice activities with him that allow for play and talk, like your walks in the woods.

    I was thinking of your post from a while ago about moving. I think this will all be a big consideration... If there will be more options for therapeutic interventions for you guys in the future.

    Thanks for reminding me of his early story. Yes, I would imagine that even if poverty was the only issue that lead to relinquishment, that often means the baby was nutritionally deprived and I have read that even bio parents of kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) have been stated that they had histories of not wanting the pregnancy and not feeling bonded to the baby growing inside....(leading to less bonding chemicals, altered brain development, etc.). Of course the being in an orphanage without normal cuddles, coos, quick response to wet diapers, hunger etc. and if he was in one where if a bottle fell out and a stronger or more developed baby could grab it.... those things are the obvious ones considered so I can see why you think he is so at risk even beyond his current behavioral issues.

    I am sorry he is struggling so. And there is so much going on for you right now, you are overworked in both areas of your life. It is really cool you chose to spend time with him though. And that he wanted that. Q would never have chosen me over going somewhere else!
  9. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Oh Buddy! How can I explain... J is more like a two year old much of the time in terms of his physical behaviour - into everything all the time. Today he took my hairdryer and almost broke it (though actually I never use it, come to think of it :)), almost broke an electric fan, takes sharp things from the drawer, etc. Sometimes he will play well for quite long periods by himself but the noise alone - constant talking! - would prevent me from working. And it's the kind of work where I do need to concentrate fully, not like posting on the forum, lol. At the moment he is in the bath, for example, happily playing with toys and engaged in some fantasy play ("Prepare to walk the plank!" just emerged...)
    Just send me a copy of the PM maybe? Hope you had a good day yesterday?
    PS - When J is 15, I don't suppose he will have much time for me, either!
  10. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    This is just my feeling, but I think that you have difficult child for sure, but not one that is off the charts. If it is ADHD, you will be able to tell very easily from the medications if they are helping. They might help but they also might increase aggression and some other things so it is trial and error. My gut feeling though is that what you describe is more of a kid with difficult emotional dysregulation--maybe fetal alcohol. There is some research going on in the States about emotional dysregulation--distinguishing it from bipolar and ADHD. While attachment issues may play a role, what you describe doesn't seem to be a full blown case of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Emotional dysregulation is not the same as ADHD. Nor is impulsivity. If you were in the US they might try ADH"D drugs, maybe Tenex, maybe Abilify, maybe Risperdal. But maybe it is also a blessing as he is still young and sometimes medications cause more problems then they help.

    When you say he is like a two year old you are right --I think that these kids are developmentally half their chronological age.
    The good news is that I think these kids can get better regulated over time. I don't have much use for therapy at this age--during sessions they can talk the talk, it is just in the moment their emotions overwhelm them. I think he would probably get just as much out of a very good sports program with a great coach--anything that tells these kids that they have skills and attributes that are valued and is somewhat of any outlet. Some sort of Occupational Therapist (OT) might actually be far more helpful --we got some great tips from an Occupational Therapist (OT) about how to involve major muscle groups etc.

    Having raised two of these type of kids, to me the most difficult thing is to accept them for who they are, because the behaviors are so difficult to deal with. Wise people on this board have told me don't go borrowing trouble for the future, there is a lot of growing up left to do. Prevention is key--having clear structure, not changing the rules too much, and not making too much conditional on good behavior because there is not perfect control. You have already identified a lot of stressors and situations which only increase the emotional dysregulaton. If you do condition, find something really small that he can do 90% of the time and start with that, don't start with the big horrible stuff. Too much, build in success.

    Perhaps you have some "anyway" time-can you build in walks or whatever on the weekend, and maybe you find a tv show or video or something that you watch together no matter what every night, or reading or whatever. Even if he has been bad. The last thing you want is for him to get the feeling that deep down he is a bad kid.

    Again iwth his history and young age it may be difficult to come up with a diagnosis, and at this point I would be very wary of one anyway. Your job as mom right now is to try to forestall the self esteem damage that comes with the exasperation and anger and fear of raising these very difficult kids. Look for how he can be successful.

    Probably a very good call to stop Arabic for right now. This is a kid who probably needs a fair amount of down time.

    Sorry, i know the temper tantrum etc are hard to deal with.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    From what you say Malika, even if there are other issues, that is the bummer, not any real place to get a complete assessment done around there. but in terms of therapy.... if it is attachment related, yes therapy does help. BUT not therapy for the child... that is silly. It is attachment therapy that specifically works on bonding and does not negate the need to look for the other issues that are impacting. but since you yourself say that you feel the bond is lacking, then it likely is. NOT UNATTACHED by any means. He shows remorse, sensitivity, care, etc. It never hurts to work on our bonds with our kids.

    It is wonderful you do at least get to try the Occupational Therapist (OT) stuff...hopefully they do more than fine motor, they do look at the sensory.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    THat is what I was afraid of, LOL!!!! I pictured him exactly like that... really into for a long time OR all over the place. That is Q too. Pretty unpredictable.

    I looked to see if my pm was in he sent box... ARRGGGGG not there. I will gather my story together again... yeah, our day was mostly fun. end of it... well lets just say mom forgot the evening medication at home and I paid for it. BIG TIME.
  13. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Good advice, pepperidge. When J emerged from his nap, and we had spent time reading books, playing games, he had had his bath and was in his pyjamas cuddling up on the sofa - we were talking about the day (well, I was talking and trying to make a game out of how we could have done things less explosively), I said at one point "You are lovely". "No, I'm naughty," he said, and my heart sank... When I said he was not naughty, he repeated insistently that he was.
    I think the attachment problems arise, apart from the stuff we each bring independently, because of his gfgness. When we are not in conflict over something, there are lots of warm, sharing, playful and affectionate times. Lots of cuddles. I feel "good" at that bit. I felt a lot less good at handling his difficulties - it brings out stress reactions in me, a lot of anger and possibly fear. I try to handle it as well as I can but don't do it as well as it could be done, by any manner of means. And then, inevitably, the relationship suffers and I start feeling anxious about the future, etc. Feeling like I am barely coping. All the things that are doubtless familiar to people here one way or another.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I want to remind you that the future is far away. Please don't worry about that now. I handled things by using that "one day at a time" mantra. Every single one of my kids did not end up where I expected him/her to. Just try to love him now and don't try to see the future because it's a real fooler.

  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    Just a reminder, (because I'm a broken record on this)...
    There are MANY things that "look like" ADHD - even with "identical" lists of what they look like to the outside observer.
    So... just because he "looks like" ADHD, doesn't mean it is ADHD, and especially doesn't mean its only ADHD.

    My own experience? Your biggest single factor right now is more likely at the attachment level. Next factor up would be sensory. (The third is Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), but he's too young to test for that anyway, even if you had access to that testing.) The extreme emotion just doesn't tie to "plain old vanilla ADHD". Sensory issues and APDs really often go with ADHD - so no surprise there if its all of them.

    Attachment, though, is just SO huge. Doesn't have to be completely detached and hard and cold and uncaring... but insecure attachment produces strange results. And its a whole different approach to working this issue, than it is for many other issues...

    Just my 2 cents like usual.
  16. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your 2 cents, IC (worth much more than that, natch :)) Well, to ADHD or not to ADHD (that is the question). I'm pretty sure it is. Plus other things possibly too, of course. It is interesting what you say about extreme emotionality not going with ADHD because I have honestly read lots of times in "expert explanations" that it does... So I don't know. Anyway, as usual, we come down to the basic point that whatever it is called, the difficulties and lack of skills to deal with frustration are there. I think there is some insecure attachment, yes, for all sorts of reasons, and it probably is crucial too to what is going on, as you say.
    What happened this morning is kind of typical for what happens in these "mini meltdowns" (well, it was a very mini one this morning). We got up about 7 and had a nice, leisurely time getting up and ready (one of the advantages of living a minute away from the school): J listened to a story, had breakfast, I read him a story, we talked (memories of when we went to Wales one summer), he got dressed, ran round the block very fast (something I encourage him to do often) - a really nice, affectionate time with absolutely no conflict or drama, J being co-operative and pleasant. And then... as we were getting ready to walk down to school, I asked him which jacket he wants to put on - at which point he explodes. Doesn't want to wear a jacket. Starts crying and shouting. I say okay, you don't have to wear a jacket but put a big sweatshirt on. This we do, he very reluctant and then he explodes again; the sweatshirt is too long, the sleeves are too long, he doesn't like it. Then I find a light summery jacket and cheerfully insist he put it on - grudgingly he does so. All the way down to school he is cranky and upset, bringing up hidden grievances from the morning, centering on the fact that I won't wipe him any more after he goes to the loo and saying he can't do it properly (not true), and is clingy and cry-ey when I leave him at the school gate.... So one little (to the outside eye) incident has these big repercussions... He is always so fussy about clothes, shoes, food, etc, etc. Not really the texture or feel of things but just not liking certain things without apparent rhyme or reason.
    It is always this way, it seems... he gets upset over (to me) really minor things and then that just kind of blows up and up until we are both upset and antagonistic. Didn't happen today because he went to school... if he had been at home, he wouldn't have "got over" the upset but it would have dragged on in some form.
    So... that's how it goes.
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The way our "best" therapist described it... there are MANY things that are frequently co-morbid with ADHD. Not all professionals split hairs and recognize each component - so, all these "other" things get lumped in with the ADHD label. But... really, its more a matter of frequent co-existance. Each is a separate issue, and needs different handling... and it really helps to know what you are dealing with.

    But, of course, to get "there" you have to have tdocs and psychiatrists that know about these finer points, and what to do about them...
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Malika, are you SURE he has no reason or maybe he can't articulate the reason? To me it sounds like sensory problems. Here is a link about sensory integration disorder: This way you can judge for yourself using that oh-so-famous Mom Gut :)
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I haven't read all the responses, so forgive me if I contradict something. First, ODD is a very valid diagnosis. When we say that we don't value it or put much stock in it, we mean that it doesn't really do much other than describe what is going on. It doesn't give you a direction to go in to help and/or treat the problems. But it is a very real thing, VERY real.

    Have you read The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun, both by Kranowitz? The first describes sensory integration disorder and the second is packed with activities to fill sensory needs. Occupational therapy for sensory issues can be a HUGE help to both you and to J. There is a brushing therapy for sensory integration disorder that MUST be taught by an Occupational Therapist (OT) but otherwise is done at home or school and it is AMAZING. It retrains the brain to handle sensory input more appropriately. At one point J was screaming about his slippers because they didn't fit but couldn't tell you that and instead was just disintegrating into a fit. It is VERY likely that J was UNABLE to tell you "Mom, my slippers are too small and my feet hurt when I wear them." His brain got the messages that his toes/feet hurt when he wore the slippers but it could not send the words out his mouth. I have had both my boys go through this and it is incredibly frustrating. Of they just said something then of course they wouldn't have to wear the too small/whatever item, but they just yelled/had a fit and we all ended up miserable. Brushing therapy is a way for them to learn to be able to say those things at some future point. My kids all loved the therapy, over clothes or on bare skin, but not all kids do. The books are something that can help you figure things out until you can get an Occupational Therapist (OT) on board to teach you how to do the brushing, if that is the right therapy for J. If done wrong, brushing can cause real problems, so you do have to be taught, but it is amazingly helpful.

    By the time I had Tyler, if we had a day or weekend of nonstop explosiveness I learned to schedule a doctor's appointment. Not iwth the psychiatrist, with the pediatrician. Why? Wiz acted this way when he was coming down with something. It took me longer than it shoudl have, but I finally learned that a weekend where he was totally oppositional, could be the international poster child for ODD, always meant he was coming down with something. Well, until he hit puberty, then it meant he had done something to get into major trouble and hadn't been caught yet. But until puberty it meant flu, ear infection, strep throat or something along that line. Once I clued in we did the doctor appointment on Monday, the doctor saw NOTHING, I was disgruntled, and on Wed he had a fever of 103. Both boys were like that. Jess was her own ball of string, but with the boys it was guaranteed. At one point the pediatrician and I had a running bet (a joke, no real payoff) that by Wed the temp would be up. I was never wrong. After the 5th loss he just handed me the rx's and told me to fill them if the temp went up rather than have me come back in a second time for the same problem.

    I don't know if J is getting sick, but it is soemthing he might not be able to tell you. And contrary to what some doctors say, the ears can look perfectly fine and be very very painful to the child if an infection is there. It can take time to get bad enough for the doctor to see them and hurt when they look normal.

    Is there a way to make one room of your home a place where J can have a meltdown and not hurt anything? A room to put him in when he explodes and he can't get hurt or damage anything and he can come out when he is done? Some parents find this useful.

    I am sorry it was such a rough weekend.
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    When I posted I didn't realize all that the others had posted about sensory problems. Again, I see a LOT of sensory stuff in what you describe J doing. I think my kids had it a bit easier because my mom had sensory issues that no one paid any attention to (like if a dress itched), so the sensory issues that I have were never a problem at home (I NEVER, not even ONE TIME, had to wear clothes that itched because my mom remembered the experience.) , and I was more able to handle my kids' sensory issues - long before we knew the term "sensory issues" even existed.

    Just a funny for you - My mom's bff gave me a pair of those fancy undies for little girls that have ruffles all across the tushie area. I was dressed up for an occasion (about 3 I think) and those were put on me. Twenty minutes later we went to leave and my mom saw that I had cut ALL the ruffles off the undies, leaving big strips where the fabric was cut out and my tushie was shining through! My mom's bff was angry and mom would not let her say anything at all to me about it. I had told her (bff) that they itched and she insisted they didn't. Bff KNEW that we would NEVER EVER be forced to wear something itchy long before that day dawned. It is now a funny memory for mom and her bff, but then? I had just destroyed very expensive undies that were "special" to bff.

    (I hoep that gave you a smile. At least you didn't have to see my tushie shining through the gaps!)