hi good morning to everyone,
oh this morning was so insane. my little one got crazy and obsessed about wanting to use computer for about an hour. my older one was on it, she didn't want her on it and started to throw her fit. i didn't sleep well last night and have other stresses so it's hard for me to be calm. when she obsesses she doesnt' care where i am she'll break down a bathroom door if necessary. i dont' give into the behavior but sometimes i just want to scream. i really do. so after about an hr. of not giving in to her and listening to her freaking out. i sat her down and started talking to her about trying to realize what it is she does. she looked at me like i had four heads, then said to me idont care i wnat to go on computer.......LOL....ok this has been a long weekend. there's alot to my story of which i didn't initially share so bare with me while i have some spillage. past year and a half i feel like i can't feel the ground under my feet. my oldest got kicked out of school was in specialized scholar's program gpa dropped she got booted. i didn't know what else to do i moved out to long island with both girls. thinking maybe the change of scenery new schools would do them both good and help calm my little one. it didn't. she worsened i began testing her because she thoguht she saw man in schoolyard with a knife trying to hurt her, cops were called, etc. two days in row. i always knew i had to test her but said i'll wait till school seriously affected, now it had been. we went to varoius testing facilities and got diff. diagnosis and diff. drugs. i cut my work hours down thinking that would help her me being more accesible for her. i drove an hour ea. day to office worked like animal and raced home on highway doing 80 mph to be there for bus. it worsened, i felt desperate started running out of money, making bills got hard, buying food was struggle yet i kept going. then went to pediatrician. pysch in city was out of network cost a fortune, started running up medical bills, hours cut more doctors wrote ltr to my office stating due to rin's condition i needed to be home more. i started having anxiety attacks myself from what she was gong through, all the while older one started failing school. i was dating someone at timefor roughly two years the relationship wasn't progressing but he was my best friend, our kids were friends, my kids viewed relationship as a friendship i have alot of friends both male and female. things began to get very desperate he had to lend me money for food one week, i went to social security trying to get it i was denied get too much child support, begged my ex to help me take days off he couldn't i was going down. i broke off my relationship with person my best friend due to fact it hadn't moved forward he seemed scared i was going down and he had his own stresses which were stressing me out. i cut the relationship kept the friendship still have it actually, he's my voice of reason in times of trouble. mos. passed rin kept getting worse i felt confused tried diff. medications' pressure at work, financial pressure. went out with friend one night for few drinks, met this man we began to talk exchange numbers, boom we started dating. i was under enormous stress emotional, financial, family issues, etc. our relationship went into worp speed, my judgement was off. mos. passed again, i paid partial rent with-letter from my attny friend promising bal. in following mos. they filed petition took me to court slapped on 2k in legal fees and i was in trouble officially. i got 30 dy stay it had finally happened i'd lost it all. my family well their not rich but they weren't willing to help, i didnt'know what to do tried everything nothing worked. he found out what was going on and offered help, not financial but us to move in with him. i was scared and needed a solution. i took it. so my girls and i moved in with him 8 mos. ago. that's my story. very dramatic i know and ridiculous. yet i lost it all we had to get rid of our pets, my furniture everything. his children are wonderful, our kids get along yet he has given me some much stress. he owns rest. so isn't home much. yet he was married for 18 years his wife decided she was gay one day and poof marriage over. i moved in here and he was messing around with another woman via text i caught it by accident, his ex gave me terribly hard time whie i was trying to be the best i could to everyone. i felt weird but was so grateful to him for taking us in. he continued to flirt with and say in appropriate things to this other woman via text. i confronted him asked him to stop he was involved with her at one piont yet they have kniown eachother for 20 years. so now i' m here he's still texting her and lying about it. i still have my best friend thank god for him, the man i
'm probably supposed to be with. i want to go out on our own i don't think i can handle being lied to like this all the time, it't not right. i do love him, but it's jsut insane. so i'm being told change for my little one is bad. i'm afraid to leave because of this. i'm confused adn dont know what to do. financially i'm better here obviously no bills other than medical i'm paying down and buying food, etc. yet the relationship isn't right because i'm with a liar who tries to be supportive of me and this thing with my daughter yet gives me addtl. stress due to his unhealthy attachment with this other woman.
ok i feel better now. yup my life is scarey i know. sorry so long and mixed up just had to get it out. rin set me off today because of her fit this morning the days are so long soemtimes because she's so needy i can't even go to bathroom soom days witout getting continual knocks on door.
jen
oh this morning was so insane. my little one got crazy and obsessed about wanting to use computer for about an hour. my older one was on it, she didn't want her on it and started to throw her fit. i didn't sleep well last night and have other stresses so it's hard for me to be calm. when she obsesses she doesnt' care where i am she'll break down a bathroom door if necessary. i dont' give into the behavior but sometimes i just want to scream. i really do. so after about an hr. of not giving in to her and listening to her freaking out. i sat her down and started talking to her about trying to realize what it is she does. she looked at me like i had four heads, then said to me idont care i wnat to go on computer.......LOL....ok this has been a long weekend. there's alot to my story of which i didn't initially share so bare with me while i have some spillage. past year and a half i feel like i can't feel the ground under my feet. my oldest got kicked out of school was in specialized scholar's program gpa dropped she got booted. i didn't know what else to do i moved out to long island with both girls. thinking maybe the change of scenery new schools would do them both good and help calm my little one. it didn't. she worsened i began testing her because she thoguht she saw man in schoolyard with a knife trying to hurt her, cops were called, etc. two days in row. i always knew i had to test her but said i'll wait till school seriously affected, now it had been. we went to varoius testing facilities and got diff. diagnosis and diff. drugs. i cut my work hours down thinking that would help her me being more accesible for her. i drove an hour ea. day to office worked like animal and raced home on highway doing 80 mph to be there for bus. it worsened, i felt desperate started running out of money, making bills got hard, buying food was struggle yet i kept going. then went to pediatrician. pysch in city was out of network cost a fortune, started running up medical bills, hours cut more doctors wrote ltr to my office stating due to rin's condition i needed to be home more. i started having anxiety attacks myself from what she was gong through, all the while older one started failing school. i was dating someone at timefor roughly two years the relationship wasn't progressing but he was my best friend, our kids were friends, my kids viewed relationship as a friendship i have alot of friends both male and female. things began to get very desperate he had to lend me money for food one week, i went to social security trying to get it i was denied get too much child support, begged my ex to help me take days off he couldn't i was going down. i broke off my relationship with person my best friend due to fact it hadn't moved forward he seemed scared i was going down and he had his own stresses which were stressing me out. i cut the relationship kept the friendship still have it actually, he's my voice of reason in times of trouble. mos. passed rin kept getting worse i felt confused tried diff. medications' pressure at work, financial pressure. went out with friend one night for few drinks, met this man we began to talk exchange numbers, boom we started dating. i was under enormous stress emotional, financial, family issues, etc. our relationship went into worp speed, my judgement was off. mos. passed again, i paid partial rent with-letter from my attny friend promising bal. in following mos. they filed petition took me to court slapped on 2k in legal fees and i was in trouble officially. i got 30 dy stay it had finally happened i'd lost it all. my family well their not rich but they weren't willing to help, i didnt'know what to do tried everything nothing worked. he found out what was going on and offered help, not financial but us to move in with him. i was scared and needed a solution. i took it. so my girls and i moved in with him 8 mos. ago. that's my story. very dramatic i know and ridiculous. yet i lost it all we had to get rid of our pets, my furniture everything. his children are wonderful, our kids get along yet he has given me some much stress. he owns rest. so isn't home much. yet he was married for 18 years his wife decided she was gay one day and poof marriage over. i moved in here and he was messing around with another woman via text i caught it by accident, his ex gave me terribly hard time whie i was trying to be the best i could to everyone. i felt weird but was so grateful to him for taking us in. he continued to flirt with and say in appropriate things to this other woman via text. i confronted him asked him to stop he was involved with her at one piont yet they have kniown eachother for 20 years. so now i' m here he's still texting her and lying about it. i still have my best friend thank god for him, the man i
'm probably supposed to be with. i want to go out on our own i don't think i can handle being lied to like this all the time, it't not right. i do love him, but it's jsut insane. so i'm being told change for my little one is bad. i'm afraid to leave because of this. i'm confused adn dont know what to do. financially i'm better here obviously no bills other than medical i'm paying down and buying food, etc. yet the relationship isn't right because i'm with a liar who tries to be supportive of me and this thing with my daughter yet gives me addtl. stress due to his unhealthy attachment with this other woman.
ok i feel better now. yup my life is scarey i know. sorry so long and mixed up just had to get it out. rin set me off today because of her fit this morning the days are so long soemtimes because she's so needy i can't even go to bathroom soom days witout getting continual knocks on door.
jen