Unhappy with what I have to do tomorrow

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Critter Lover, Nov 30, 2008.

  1. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Back from my trip to PA for Thanksgiving and we made it fine in the snow. I guess the newer vehicles come equipped with all weather tires so we had no problems with the drive in it. The dogs were funny to see in the snow since they never seen it. Had a very rough time with my difficult child and we are handing him over to the Agency for Persons with Disabilities in the morning. We just can not take it any longer. He has gotten physical once with husband and I stepped in to break it up and that was in South Carolina when we were leaving out motel Saturday morning. Got my right thumb bent back in the process to try to break up the fight. I want what is best for everyone involved .....I can not keep on stepping in and breaking up episodes between my difficult child and husband with me getting hurt in the process. So the Agency will have to find him a place since he is not safe and we are not safe with him any longer at home. My heart is aching with this decision and I hope my child does not hate me for this the rest of his life. My heart will be very heavy tomorrow with what I have to do. :sad-very:

    I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Prayers for those who need it.

  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm so sorry that despite all your efforts that he must be in a safer place. I understand completely. It is a difficult situation. You must be safe and he must be safe. Sending some soothing hugs and a bit of courage to help shore up your own courage.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so sorry. I can feel your anguish. However, this does sound like it is the right answer, the best way to keep him and yourselves safe. It will be a super hard day for you tomorrow. He can not understand that you are doing this as much for him as for yourself.

    Maybe letting him know that you have seen his frustrations lately and want to find some place that will be less stressful for him. He is unconsiously trying to grow away from you as all young adults do. His body and spirit is telling himself that it is time to be independent even though he can not see that his disabilities can not allow that at this time. I am sure this is very confusing to him.

    I am sending hugs and strength for tomorrow.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. And what a long drive, on top of it all!

    I've never heard of this agency.
    Agency for Persons with Disabilities

    Can he live there on his own, ad infinitum? Because he's over 21?

    Have you talked to him about it?

  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I'm so sorry to hear of this, i can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I can sense your upsetment in your post as well. My heart goes out to you. Yet as the others have said your making the best choice to keep everyone safe right now.

    We'll be here tomorrow for you. Sleep well.
  6. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs and I will be praying for u
    and your family. As previously said safety
    must come first. Rabbit
  7. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    May the future suprise you with many unexpected welcome outcomes that meet everyones needs and make a better future for your family.
    I am so saddened by your difficult choice and yet have a good feeling that "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is on your side. When in doubt try everything. That is my motto.
  8. Jinxy

    Jinxy New Member

    I am sending out lots of hope and strength for you and yours this week!
  9. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Sorry for the hurt you're feeling and the difficult decision you've had to make. Hopefully they will find him a place that will allow him to grow and perhaps learn to live as independently as he's able, and you will all be safe.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Critter Lover. What a difficult decision. Sending many hugs and lots of strength to you this morning.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Critter Lover}}} I'm so sorry that you have to make this decision, but I do think it's the right one for everyone. Safety is key and as a 22 year old, I imagine that he can overpower at times. Sending prayers and hugs~
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Your in my thoughts....I'm sorry it has gotten to this point. I hope you feel the strength of the board as you go through this process.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Your post was so telling in how much you love your son despite all you have been through. Please know I'm standing right behind you to support you through this day - and I'll be here when you get back from doing what is best for your son.

    We all will be here for you -

    Much hugs and Love
  14. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    ((HUGS)) so sorry you had to make this choice. And it does sound like you still love your son very much. Our prayers are with you and your family.
  15. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me! We were so undecisive and heartbroken as what to do last night that we ended up calling his support coordinator. First thing this morning she was going to ask for an emergency bed assignment since he was going to be considered homeless. She has been working on getting him placed with two other guys in an apartment that has a support team there on site. The only time they are not there are 11pm to 7am. She said that she is wanting to get my difficult child moved out by tonight or tomorrow at the latest.
    She said it is time and he needs to either come to grip being in this apartment and if the behavior therapy still does not work then Tallahasee will have to move him to another tier so he can get services living in a group home that can help him further. Last night and today has been filled with a lot of tears and wishing the best for my difficult child. This is not easy to do when you have fought all the years for them. Again thanks again for the support and I will let you know the outcome.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Critter, calling her was a good idea. It really sounds like things are moving in the right direction. He will not be homeless. It will work out. Many, many hugs.
  17. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Critter - I can't even imagine, I really can't. I got chills when i read what you wrote about having fought for them so hard for so many years.

    It may feel like in some way you are giving up on him now, but YOU ARE SOOO NOT!!! What you did by calling last night was a great idea. This may just help him, I am saying a prayer and sending you tons of hugs. Let us know how you are doing, and how he does in the apt.

  18. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Thanks Terry and Jenn for the kind words. I wish I could wave a wand and fix my child but if that could have been done ....I would have done it many many years ago. You know when you have the aching in your heart that something does not feel right and that is why I placed the call to the support coordinator. The move is scheduled for Thursday morning. He will have his own bedroom and it is with two guys that are in their late 20's. One guy is wheelchair bound and the other guy is autistic but he is on a work program. My difficult child was even sounding positive last night that these two guys might just become his best friends. I told him yes they could and it was nice for him to think positive in that way. They have someone that comes in and cooks for them but that person will also teach him how to prepare food. When they come to move him, we plan on following the truck over with his furniture and boxes to see where it is located and see what it looks like. I am saying a lot of prayers that this works out and he does not lose his anger there too....because if he does then they will have to look at a intermediate behavior base group home.

    Thank you to all who have replied in this thread, for the hugs, encouragement and for the prayers. This board is a Godsend in my life and thank you Rabbit for sending me here.

    ((((((HUGS)))))) to all :kisses:
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow!! This is sounding a lot more like a win/win situation. He's thinking positive about it and will be learning to live more independently, while developing more adult-like friendships- this might be a blessing in disguise for him, along with helping you and the rest of the family!
  20. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    It sounds like things may be working out. I'm glad they were able to find him a place so quickly, and that your difficult child is seeing the positive side of this. Every baby bird gets pushed out of the nest at some point, so think of it on the positive side too, that you're pushing him into learning how to fly on his own. It's harder with ours since they don't learn to fly that easily, I worry about how my difficult child will get along on his own when he's older. But none of us will live forever, so it's best to try get them to fly now while we're still around to help them.

    Good luck to your difficult child on this next big step in his life, hope he does find best friends in his room mates. And looks like you'll be empty nesters, look forward to that time you and your husband will have together alone.